Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How to respond to an obsessive-behavior request?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 97124" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>If he was used to having to manage without medications, he would have at least partly adapted to knowing how short his fuse is; but when he's suddenly unmedicated when on previous days he HAS been medicated, his ability to control his temper is much reduced.</p><p></p><p>Still, I agree you don't want to reinforce bad behaviour. What you need to do is try to head off bad behaviour before it happens (tall order, I know) and try to defuse it as soon as you can.</p><p></p><p>If you had said, "I'll take you to Wendys, you WILL get your chilli dog, but some tasks must be done first. We will be done quicker (and get to Wendy's sooner) if you help by doing x and y," you might still have gotten the rolled eyes and an outburst, but you would have lowered his anxiety to a point where he could see that you are trying to help him get what he wants, and he needs to do to get. It puts the teamwork and the mutual support back in.</p><p></p><p>Instead, he perceives that he has just handed you some ammunition against him, something you can use against him for your own amusement, like holding a bone to a dog but keeping on lifting it higher to make the dog jump, but never giving the bone to the dog.</p><p></p><p>He feels like the dog, only smarter because he gets frustrated faster in the belief you will never give him 'the bone'. He then loses perspective and cannot be reasoned with, because his mind is whirling on one topic - "Chilli dog - NOW!" and he's simply not hearing anything else and with the prospect of his treat evaporating, he is feeling, "Why try?"</p><p></p><p>You might find that when you get in the car, he calms down. THAT is when you can talk to him and make it clear, he is getting his treat in spite of his behaviour, you do not value the problems you had.</p><p></p><p>But without his medications, he is not going to be able to hold things together anywhere near as well as he normally does. And he shouldn't be punished for what he can't handle. He just needs to know he's not being rewarded for it, either.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 97124, member: 1991"] If he was used to having to manage without medications, he would have at least partly adapted to knowing how short his fuse is; but when he's suddenly unmedicated when on previous days he HAS been medicated, his ability to control his temper is much reduced. Still, I agree you don't want to reinforce bad behaviour. What you need to do is try to head off bad behaviour before it happens (tall order, I know) and try to defuse it as soon as you can. If you had said, "I'll take you to Wendys, you WILL get your chilli dog, but some tasks must be done first. We will be done quicker (and get to Wendy's sooner) if you help by doing x and y," you might still have gotten the rolled eyes and an outburst, but you would have lowered his anxiety to a point where he could see that you are trying to help him get what he wants, and he needs to do to get. It puts the teamwork and the mutual support back in. Instead, he perceives that he has just handed you some ammunition against him, something you can use against him for your own amusement, like holding a bone to a dog but keeping on lifting it higher to make the dog jump, but never giving the bone to the dog. He feels like the dog, only smarter because he gets frustrated faster in the belief you will never give him 'the bone'. He then loses perspective and cannot be reasoned with, because his mind is whirling on one topic - "Chilli dog - NOW!" and he's simply not hearing anything else and with the prospect of his treat evaporating, he is feeling, "Why try?" You might find that when you get in the car, he calms down. THAT is when you can talk to him and make it clear, he is getting his treat in spite of his behaviour, you do not value the problems you had. But without his medications, he is not going to be able to hold things together anywhere near as well as he normally does. And he shouldn't be punished for what he can't handle. He just needs to know he's not being rewarded for it, either. Marg Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How to respond to an obsessive-behavior request?
Top