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Family of Origin
How to take control of my circumstances and my destiny.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 693451" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This does not bother me as much as this:First, while retaliation is annoying. It is easy to keep front and center just exactly what and who the person his who behaves this way (fill in the blanks, please__.)</p><p></p><p>But the latter, backing really bad behavior, abusive behavior, unethical or illegal behavior--really, really gets to me. I had a co-worker (and friend) who was wonderful in all ways. Highly competent. Worthy of a great deal of respect and admiration. A really wonderful person. We trusted each other and were nearly inseparable on the job. She is so good she is now Chief of my department over many, many people at the prison where we worked once together.</p><p></p><p>And a co-worker who was acting as a supervisor ( and connected to a higher up--maybe romantically) attempted to coerce me to do something unethical to a patient (this was maybe 8 years ago, not recently). I refused. And then she began to bully me. She deliberately verbally insulted me in front of this woman--my friend. And I called her on it. I said: "what is it that makes you feel that you have a right to treat me that way."</p><p></p><p>Just that. The friend began to look afraid. The other young woman began to criticize me verbally, making herself look like an idiot and stupid--telling me about my flaws in her mind--mind you she was not my supervisor and had no authority over me what so ever. She lost her power completely, by how she acted. I just watched.</p><p></p><p>I got checked. * I think what was intolerable to my friend was that the abusive woman lost her power and looked the fool. And I had to get checked because I was held responsible--or maybe because I saw it.</p><p></p><p>My friend came to me and said that because of her priorities and her alliances, she had to stand by the woman. That she could not support me but she had to back up the other woman.</p><p></p><p>I never felt the same way about the woman who is now chief. My caring was the same, but my respect was much diminished and my trust reduced. I never worked with her again. I could go work for her now--she would want that--but I will not.</p><p></p><p>The bully eventually got walked out of the institution because her and a co-worker had been abusing patients in a Level IV adseg.</p><p></p><p>I can see not intervening in a dispute, or showing favoritism. But she had seen what had happened. </p><p></p><p>What did my friend gain? How did she win by her choice? In what way could she have seen this as to her benefit? Was it all about protecting important alliances so she would promote?</p><p></p><p>Thank you Jabber.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 693451, member: 18958"] This does not bother me as much as this:First, while retaliation is annoying. It is easy to keep front and center just exactly what and who the person his who behaves this way (fill in the blanks, please__.) But the latter, backing really bad behavior, abusive behavior, unethical or illegal behavior--really, really gets to me. I had a co-worker (and friend) who was wonderful in all ways. Highly competent. Worthy of a great deal of respect and admiration. A really wonderful person. We trusted each other and were nearly inseparable on the job. She is so good she is now Chief of my department over many, many people at the prison where we worked once together. And a co-worker who was acting as a supervisor ( and connected to a higher up--maybe romantically) attempted to coerce me to do something unethical to a patient (this was maybe 8 years ago, not recently). I refused. And then she began to bully me. She deliberately verbally insulted me in front of this woman--my friend. And I called her on it. I said: "what is it that makes you feel that you have a right to treat me that way." Just that. The friend began to look afraid. The other young woman began to criticize me verbally, making herself look like an idiot and stupid--telling me about my flaws in her mind--mind you she was not my supervisor and had no authority over me what so ever. She lost her power completely, by how she acted. I just watched. I got checked. * I think what was intolerable to my friend was that the abusive woman lost her power and looked the fool. And I had to get checked because I was held responsible--or maybe because I saw it. My friend came to me and said that because of her priorities and her alliances, she had to stand by the woman. That she could not support me but she had to back up the other woman. I never felt the same way about the woman who is now chief. My caring was the same, but my respect was much diminished and my trust reduced. I never worked with her again. I could go work for her now--she would want that--but I will not. The bully eventually got walked out of the institution because her and a co-worker had been abusing patients in a Level IV adseg. I can see not intervening in a dispute, or showing favoritism. But she had seen what had happened. What did my friend gain? How did she win by her choice? In what way could she have seen this as to her benefit? Was it all about protecting important alliances so she would promote? Thank you Jabber. [/QUOTE]
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