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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 154974" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I know it's tempting to go with the "Are you kidding me?" route, but I found if I keep educating them (since clearly, they have missed out on a legitimate education despite all their claimed prowess) then even if my kid doesn't get the benefit (because I end up giving up and pulling him out of there) then maybe further down the line some other parent will benefit.</p><p></p><p>I LOVE the way they think a good talking to will fix everything. difficult child 1 had a history teacher who thought like this - a lovely bloke, really caring, but not a flamin' clue. difficult child 1 had huge problems trying to write an essay - mind-mapping was the only strategy that came close to working. For most of his schooling life, we had spent almost every weekend with difficult child 1 in isolation, husband & I taking turns at sitting with him and trying to explain how to do the job, helping him where we could, relieving each other when we were close to hitting him. </p><p>And here he was in senior high school, the history teaches sits him down and talks to him for half an hour. Then the teacher rang me. "I explained how to write essays to him, Mrs Marg, he should be fine with it now."</p><p>"Amazing!" I said. "I really wish I had asked you to do this before, then we wouldn't have had to sit with him every weekend, talking him through every assignment he's ever had, supporting him, helping him find other techniques, having him assessed, getting him on medication - and all we needed was to ask you to talk to him for half an hour! Oh, we are such idiots!"</p><p>Round about this point, the teacher began to get the message - this was just a tad more complicated than he had thought.</p><p></p><p>When the school counsellor became dismissive of difficult child 3's diagnosis and said, "It's wonderful he has such a good vocabulary now. He's talking so well. Aren't you please that he's no longer autistic?" I almost shouted at her but decided it would be pointless - no doubt it would make her think, "Typical - but what can you expect from such an unstable family?"</p><p>Instead I just quietly commented that difficult child 3 would always be autistic; but a lot of effort and support had gone into his progress, including effort from difficult child 3 himself, to make him blend in more effectively. I said that he is like a swan on the lake - from a distance things might look serene, but there's a lot of furious activity going on beneath the surface to make such serenity seem natural.</p><p></p><p>In other words, I stay calm and educate them. If they start to get condescending or patronising, that is when I start to get firm and point out, "You may have attended the courses, learned the jargon, you can talk the talk. But I live with it. I may not know the words but I can recognise autism at 100 paces and also can more effectively head off a meltdown, even from another person's kid, because I have the best hands-on experience in the world - I'm a mother."</p><p></p><p>Whatever they may privately think, I get respect shown to me and what I say from that point on. I view these people as part of a team. In a team people come from different backgrounds and experiences, each bringing their own abilities. All team members should listen to and learn from each other. Together a team can produce good results. Divided, they destroy any chance at progress. If you have a divided team you have to either work to get them back on the same page, or cut out the dead wood and replace it.</p><p></p><p>And as a parent, I am irreplaceable.</p><p></p><p>klmno, you said, "I think the problem is either they really are that ignorant about BiPolar (BP)- which is absurd if they are the ones who are hired by the sd to identify, help with IEP's, and help implement accommodations for kids with problems, or, they are playing dumb."</p><p></p><p>Honey - they really are that ignorant. They are not playing dumb - they have no reason to. No, the plain fact is, after all the courses etc they attend - the information they have been given is often minimal, outdated or just plain wrong. It's like the attitude towards autism in our education system here in Sydney - a lot of the Special Education staff are convinced that inclusion in mainstream is not only the target, it's the means. They fought me so hard in my aim to remove difficult child 3 from mainstream, then predicted dire consequences. They weren't doing this to be mean, or out of ignorance - they have done the study. But who set the curriculum for those special courses? Other educators, that's who. And the ideas are outdated and inaccurate.</p><p>When the kids were involved in filming "The Black Balloon", the producer hired a woman who works as a Special Education teacher in our state-based education system. She freelanced for this holiday job and was hired to help soothe any potential problems with the autistic kids in the scene. The rehearsals went for three months, she was around for two of those months working mostly with difficult child 3. Instead of rehearsing him with his lines, she took difficult child 3 outside to calm him down often when he didn't really need it; she learned that he liked card games so she played cards with him instead of him being available to rehearse. From difficult child 3's point of view she was hired to entertain him. It was as if her entire being was devoted to keeping him calm. They never asked me. I was there. </p><p>On the day of filming difficult child 3 began with his first rehearsal take. He had to start the scene as the only person in the scene with a speaking part. He needed to know not only what to do, but why. The Special Education aide saw him beginning to get upset ("why do I have to do it again? I got it right!") and instead of explaining things to him, whisked him aside for a card game. I stopped her at this point (I had agreed to stay out of the way in the audience scenes but found myself needed backstage to cover for this woman - a lovely lady but with a different agenda). I said, "Can I talk to him? I think he needs to know what is going to be happening next." So I spent a few minutes walking difficult child 3 around the back of the film set. "Here is the sound guy - see his equipment? He's listening on those big headphones. If a plane flies overhead or someone coughs or a carpenter drops a hammer, he will hear if it intrudes into the sound track and will tell us to do it again. He has to make sure the music doesn't drown out your voice and also has to make sure your voice doesn't drown out the music - it will take a few rehearsals to get the levels right, so it's worth having a go at recording. You KNOW your lines, that isn't the problem. Now, see that bloke? He's on the lights. As he moves the lights, the shadows are in different places. Some of the scene needs the lights over here, some of the scene needs the lights over there. And there's the cameraman - he has the cameras right down the middle aisle at the moment. But he also needs to shoot it all from the side. Then from the other side. Then from high up. Then from low down. And each time, you kids have to do it exactly the same, so they can later on mesh all the takes together into one long sequence that really works."</p><p></p><p>So instead of going outside to play cards each time he got upset, I forestalled the getting upset by giving him what he really needed - information and understanding. Now, why couldn't a Special Education person work this out for herself? I don't know. She was highly motivated to get it right. She had even come to me to ask me about difficult child 3, but somehow she didn't seem to be able to really plug into what was driving him. And why should she? She wasn't his mother.</p><p></p><p>I view a lot of Special Education 'trained' personnel in this light - they have been taught (by someone) but don't live with YOUR child and so will always need your insight.</p><p></p><p>Even if you believe they are playing dumb, play along with it and educate them. If they get upset and say, "We know," you can reply with, "Clearly you don't. Or at least, you don't know MY child or you wouldn't have said/done what you just did."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 154974, member: 1991"] I know it's tempting to go with the "Are you kidding me?" route, but I found if I keep educating them (since clearly, they have missed out on a legitimate education despite all their claimed prowess) then even if my kid doesn't get the benefit (because I end up giving up and pulling him out of there) then maybe further down the line some other parent will benefit. I LOVE the way they think a good talking to will fix everything. difficult child 1 had a history teacher who thought like this - a lovely bloke, really caring, but not a flamin' clue. difficult child 1 had huge problems trying to write an essay - mind-mapping was the only strategy that came close to working. For most of his schooling life, we had spent almost every weekend with difficult child 1 in isolation, husband & I taking turns at sitting with him and trying to explain how to do the job, helping him where we could, relieving each other when we were close to hitting him. And here he was in senior high school, the history teaches sits him down and talks to him for half an hour. Then the teacher rang me. "I explained how to write essays to him, Mrs Marg, he should be fine with it now." "Amazing!" I said. "I really wish I had asked you to do this before, then we wouldn't have had to sit with him every weekend, talking him through every assignment he's ever had, supporting him, helping him find other techniques, having him assessed, getting him on medication - and all we needed was to ask you to talk to him for half an hour! Oh, we are such idiots!" Round about this point, the teacher began to get the message - this was just a tad more complicated than he had thought. When the school counsellor became dismissive of difficult child 3's diagnosis and said, "It's wonderful he has such a good vocabulary now. He's talking so well. Aren't you please that he's no longer autistic?" I almost shouted at her but decided it would be pointless - no doubt it would make her think, "Typical - but what can you expect from such an unstable family?" Instead I just quietly commented that difficult child 3 would always be autistic; but a lot of effort and support had gone into his progress, including effort from difficult child 3 himself, to make him blend in more effectively. I said that he is like a swan on the lake - from a distance things might look serene, but there's a lot of furious activity going on beneath the surface to make such serenity seem natural. In other words, I stay calm and educate them. If they start to get condescending or patronising, that is when I start to get firm and point out, "You may have attended the courses, learned the jargon, you can talk the talk. But I live with it. I may not know the words but I can recognise autism at 100 paces and also can more effectively head off a meltdown, even from another person's kid, because I have the best hands-on experience in the world - I'm a mother." Whatever they may privately think, I get respect shown to me and what I say from that point on. I view these people as part of a team. In a team people come from different backgrounds and experiences, each bringing their own abilities. All team members should listen to and learn from each other. Together a team can produce good results. Divided, they destroy any chance at progress. If you have a divided team you have to either work to get them back on the same page, or cut out the dead wood and replace it. And as a parent, I am irreplaceable. klmno, you said, "I think the problem is either they really are that ignorant about BiPolar (BP)- which is absurd if they are the ones who are hired by the sd to identify, help with IEP's, and help implement accommodations for kids with problems, or, they are playing dumb." Honey - they really are that ignorant. They are not playing dumb - they have no reason to. No, the plain fact is, after all the courses etc they attend - the information they have been given is often minimal, outdated or just plain wrong. It's like the attitude towards autism in our education system here in Sydney - a lot of the Special Education staff are convinced that inclusion in mainstream is not only the target, it's the means. They fought me so hard in my aim to remove difficult child 3 from mainstream, then predicted dire consequences. They weren't doing this to be mean, or out of ignorance - they have done the study. But who set the curriculum for those special courses? Other educators, that's who. And the ideas are outdated and inaccurate. When the kids were involved in filming "The Black Balloon", the producer hired a woman who works as a Special Education teacher in our state-based education system. She freelanced for this holiday job and was hired to help soothe any potential problems with the autistic kids in the scene. The rehearsals went for three months, she was around for two of those months working mostly with difficult child 3. Instead of rehearsing him with his lines, she took difficult child 3 outside to calm him down often when he didn't really need it; she learned that he liked card games so she played cards with him instead of him being available to rehearse. From difficult child 3's point of view she was hired to entertain him. It was as if her entire being was devoted to keeping him calm. They never asked me. I was there. On the day of filming difficult child 3 began with his first rehearsal take. He had to start the scene as the only person in the scene with a speaking part. He needed to know not only what to do, but why. The Special Education aide saw him beginning to get upset ("why do I have to do it again? I got it right!") and instead of explaining things to him, whisked him aside for a card game. I stopped her at this point (I had agreed to stay out of the way in the audience scenes but found myself needed backstage to cover for this woman - a lovely lady but with a different agenda). I said, "Can I talk to him? I think he needs to know what is going to be happening next." So I spent a few minutes walking difficult child 3 around the back of the film set. "Here is the sound guy - see his equipment? He's listening on those big headphones. If a plane flies overhead or someone coughs or a carpenter drops a hammer, he will hear if it intrudes into the sound track and will tell us to do it again. He has to make sure the music doesn't drown out your voice and also has to make sure your voice doesn't drown out the music - it will take a few rehearsals to get the levels right, so it's worth having a go at recording. You KNOW your lines, that isn't the problem. Now, see that bloke? He's on the lights. As he moves the lights, the shadows are in different places. Some of the scene needs the lights over here, some of the scene needs the lights over there. And there's the cameraman - he has the cameras right down the middle aisle at the moment. But he also needs to shoot it all from the side. Then from the other side. Then from high up. Then from low down. And each time, you kids have to do it exactly the same, so they can later on mesh all the takes together into one long sequence that really works." So instead of going outside to play cards each time he got upset, I forestalled the getting upset by giving him what he really needed - information and understanding. Now, why couldn't a Special Education person work this out for herself? I don't know. She was highly motivated to get it right. She had even come to me to ask me about difficult child 3, but somehow she didn't seem to be able to really plug into what was driving him. And why should she? She wasn't his mother. I view a lot of Special Education 'trained' personnel in this light - they have been taught (by someone) but don't live with YOUR child and so will always need your insight. Even if you believe they are playing dumb, play along with it and educate them. If they get upset and say, "We know," you can reply with, "Clearly you don't. Or at least, you don't know MY child or you wouldn't have said/done what you just did." Marg [/QUOTE]
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