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Humph! So Much for the "I want to change my life"
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 386617" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Janet that's what my Mom wanted me to do..........take the money and hold it for them, only let them use it for necessities and that place to live. Sounds like a good idea, but like I told my Mom, she's 30 and he's 44 and it's high time they grow up........if either of them are capable. I'm not going to be around forever. </p><p></p><p>And if most of this money blowing business is her husband as I think it is.........well, time for Katie to face the truth of that.</p><p></p><p>Her husband will blow you away, I swear. I've never seen an adult act so child-like and I come from a family full of full blown difficult children. I've seen katie shop......she's careful, she debates how much they really need something.......when she and I went together she splurged on a belt for herself....it cost all of 50 cents on clearance. But if her husband wants something no matter how trivial.......he is relentless, he will talk about nothing else, he'll get up in her face, he'll stomp around and pout and carry on like an overgrown 2 yr old. Ridiculous. Watched this behavior over a 2 liter of soda...........and it was 100 times worse when both husband and I refused to give him use of our computers.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> This morning husband says he allowed Evan (who should've been seat belted in) to reach up behind husband while he was driving and yank on his hair. He said nothing. Most likely snickered while katie corrected him. I'm guessing this is retaliation for refusing the trips to Mc D's. Oh, and husband said katie didn't even mention breakfast.......so I still don't know if her husband was doing that without her knowledge. But her husband pouted (literally) until katie asked her dad if he'd stop and get the "man" coffee. ugh</p><p></p><p>I'd like to attempt to get katie alone and just talk to her. Which like I said, will not be easy as he sticks to her like stink on sh*t. Nichole is coming to town tomorrow........maybe easy child doesn't work.......and we can take her out to one of our lunches making clear to him "men" are not invited. Can imagine his reaction to that one. lol It's the only way I can think of though to get her by herself so we can talk to her and see what she wants and how badly she wants it. Because her husband is already hard at work sabotaging it for her.</p><p></p><p>Katie has an IEP meeting for Alex this morning. Which means we have to not only take them......but we have to watch Evan, the devil child from hades. *shudder* I've watched all their behavior concerning this child and ALL of them relent to him to avoid his wrath which is destructive and violent. Katie is the only one who attempts to discipline him and believe me, unless you do a psychiatric hold on him, it's not happening. I've watched him be openly defiant to both parents, dare them to do anything about it. Dad doesn't........Mom tries but it's an all out battle of wills which often she doesn't win. *sigh* Spankings don't cause this child to blink........and I've watched her husband swat him hard enough I'd have yelped had it been me. (1 swat that was justified for what he was doing) Time out goes right over his head. He simply doesn't care. Taking things away doesn't work........he doesn't have anything to take away. ughhhh Frustrating. Only good thing is he is afraid of his Nana. I don't raise my voice, I don't give him the counting thing.......I just move fast and stop the behavior, explaining to him why, and give him the Momma look. But even I've had to use the psychiatric hold on him once already. And that for me is an utter last resort to prevent them from hurting themselves or destroying property. Yep. I know where those migraines of katies come from.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p></p><p>OMG I don't want to watch him during that IEP meeting. And after this morning husband is afraid he'll strangle him if he's chosen as baby sitter. lol</p><p></p><p>But the only thing left I can think to do is to simply talk to katie. If she <strong>really does</strong> want to change her family will back her 100 percent. I want to make that clear to her. But we will not bend to her husband's bullying behavior and his over grown pouting, we're not their taxi service for frivolous trips all over town. We will not rescue her from his behavior if he manages to bully, goad, and tantrum his way into spending that money her Mom sent to her pay for the motel and they wind up on the streets. The very first thing she has to do is learn to stand up for herself and her kids when it comes to this "man". It's going to be the hardest thing she's ever done because I strongly suspect (and have suspected) domestic violence and katie runs from confrontation.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> After that the rest will be cake in comparison. </p><p></p><p>Katie told me she was ready and had basically ended their relationship in the shelter. But her husband had been relentless.......and worked hard to show her he was willing to change, then convinced her to come here because we have the program here that will teach him to read and get his GED.....plus he knew how badly she wanted to come here.</p><p></p><p>Bet he's beginning to regret that idea of his. lol </p><p></p><p>Her husband tries his "tough talk" around sister in law and Nichole's boyfriend and they just can't help themselves.....they snicker at him. sister in law would've said something confrontational by now but he's practicing thinking first and speaking instead of just saying stuff off the top of his head. lol I've been pretty impressed because katies husband makes it awfully hard not to say something.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Nichole is just waiting for him to pull something around her, as is easy child, so they can blast him. He avoids both of them.......he's as scared of them as he is me. lol </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately though, he has katie believing his "tough talk"........afterall she's had it drummed into her head from age 14. *sigh* </p><p></p><p>So I guess will give it one more whole hearted shot and snatch her away one day for lunch just to talk. I'll have to coach the girls carefully (especially Nichole) on what they say about katie's husband. Other than that..........if she doesn't respond to that.........there is nothing more we can do. We'll have to focus on just making the lives of the grands a bit more pleasant and giving them views of "normal" family life. Hoovers but I can't force her to see what a loser she is married to, she has to see it for herself and decide to do something about it.</p><p></p><p>Oh, and they were finally accepted for food stamps. So meals here, except the occasional invite to dinner will stop as soon as her card arrives in the mail. Which will greatly help our budget.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 386617, member: 84"] Janet that's what my Mom wanted me to do..........take the money and hold it for them, only let them use it for necessities and that place to live. Sounds like a good idea, but like I told my Mom, she's 30 and he's 44 and it's high time they grow up........if either of them are capable. I'm not going to be around forever. And if most of this money blowing business is her husband as I think it is.........well, time for Katie to face the truth of that. Her husband will blow you away, I swear. I've never seen an adult act so child-like and I come from a family full of full blown difficult children. I've seen katie shop......she's careful, she debates how much they really need something.......when she and I went together she splurged on a belt for herself....it cost all of 50 cents on clearance. But if her husband wants something no matter how trivial.......he is relentless, he will talk about nothing else, he'll get up in her face, he'll stomp around and pout and carry on like an overgrown 2 yr old. Ridiculous. Watched this behavior over a 2 liter of soda...........and it was 100 times worse when both husband and I refused to give him use of our computers.:raspberry-tounge: This morning husband says he allowed Evan (who should've been seat belted in) to reach up behind husband while he was driving and yank on his hair. He said nothing. Most likely snickered while katie corrected him. I'm guessing this is retaliation for refusing the trips to Mc D's. Oh, and husband said katie didn't even mention breakfast.......so I still don't know if her husband was doing that without her knowledge. But her husband pouted (literally) until katie asked her dad if he'd stop and get the "man" coffee. ugh I'd like to attempt to get katie alone and just talk to her. Which like I said, will not be easy as he sticks to her like stink on sh*t. Nichole is coming to town tomorrow........maybe easy child doesn't work.......and we can take her out to one of our lunches making clear to him "men" are not invited. Can imagine his reaction to that one. lol It's the only way I can think of though to get her by herself so we can talk to her and see what she wants and how badly she wants it. Because her husband is already hard at work sabotaging it for her. Katie has an IEP meeting for Alex this morning. Which means we have to not only take them......but we have to watch Evan, the devil child from hades. *shudder* I've watched all their behavior concerning this child and ALL of them relent to him to avoid his wrath which is destructive and violent. Katie is the only one who attempts to discipline him and believe me, unless you do a psychiatric hold on him, it's not happening. I've watched him be openly defiant to both parents, dare them to do anything about it. Dad doesn't........Mom tries but it's an all out battle of wills which often she doesn't win. *sigh* Spankings don't cause this child to blink........and I've watched her husband swat him hard enough I'd have yelped had it been me. (1 swat that was justified for what he was doing) Time out goes right over his head. He simply doesn't care. Taking things away doesn't work........he doesn't have anything to take away. ughhhh Frustrating. Only good thing is he is afraid of his Nana. I don't raise my voice, I don't give him the counting thing.......I just move fast and stop the behavior, explaining to him why, and give him the Momma look. But even I've had to use the psychiatric hold on him once already. And that for me is an utter last resort to prevent them from hurting themselves or destroying property. Yep. I know where those migraines of katies come from.:raspberry-tounge: OMG I don't want to watch him during that IEP meeting. And after this morning husband is afraid he'll strangle him if he's chosen as baby sitter. lol But the only thing left I can think to do is to simply talk to katie. If she [B]really does[/B] want to change her family will back her 100 percent. I want to make that clear to her. But we will not bend to her husband's bullying behavior and his over grown pouting, we're not their taxi service for frivolous trips all over town. We will not rescue her from his behavior if he manages to bully, goad, and tantrum his way into spending that money her Mom sent to her pay for the motel and they wind up on the streets. The very first thing she has to do is learn to stand up for herself and her kids when it comes to this "man". It's going to be the hardest thing she's ever done because I strongly suspect (and have suspected) domestic violence and katie runs from confrontation.:frowny: After that the rest will be cake in comparison. Katie told me she was ready and had basically ended their relationship in the shelter. But her husband had been relentless.......and worked hard to show her he was willing to change, then convinced her to come here because we have the program here that will teach him to read and get his GED.....plus he knew how badly she wanted to come here. Bet he's beginning to regret that idea of his. lol Her husband tries his "tough talk" around sister in law and Nichole's boyfriend and they just can't help themselves.....they snicker at him. sister in law would've said something confrontational by now but he's practicing thinking first and speaking instead of just saying stuff off the top of his head. lol I've been pretty impressed because katies husband makes it awfully hard not to say something.:winking: Nichole is just waiting for him to pull something around her, as is easy child, so they can blast him. He avoids both of them.......he's as scared of them as he is me. lol Unfortunately though, he has katie believing his "tough talk"........afterall she's had it drummed into her head from age 14. *sigh* So I guess will give it one more whole hearted shot and snatch her away one day for lunch just to talk. I'll have to coach the girls carefully (especially Nichole) on what they say about katie's husband. Other than that..........if she doesn't respond to that.........there is nothing more we can do. We'll have to focus on just making the lives of the grands a bit more pleasant and giving them views of "normal" family life. Hoovers but I can't force her to see what a loser she is married to, she has to see it for herself and decide to do something about it. Oh, and they were finally accepted for food stamps. So meals here, except the occasional invite to dinner will stop as soon as her card arrives in the mail. Which will greatly help our budget. [/QUOTE]
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Humph! So Much for the "I want to change my life"
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