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Hurt and frustrated
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 751549" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Honestly i was a master enabler. Big time. But NEVER has Kay gone THAT far with her words.</p><p></p><p>I grew up poor and made something out of myself with my also once poor husband. I am strong and confident except for Kay. But had she EVER sent me those words, both of us would have been done THAT DAY. Kay never penned words THAT extreme so we continued to feel some pity for her and "helped" her too much.</p><p></p><p>Had Kay gone so far as to call us sh&# or hoped we died she would have been completely blocked. We would have felt outrage instead of any pity. Done. in my opinion you need to be done. My opinion means nothing. This is your battle to fight, not mine. You choose how to respond or to not respond.</p><p></p><p>All I can share is MY reaction to his text and continuing behavior. And that is that my husband and I actually do have boundaries on how badly we can be abused and Kay was aware. Your son has no respect or love in his heart in my opinion. That is awful. Gave me chills reading it.</p><p></p><p>If your son were Kay, she would be on her own completely. I hurt for you. And am outraged. Just as I was for Josh's mother when he spewed similar horrid texts that go too far and expressed hate after all that loving woman did for him!</p><p></p><p>I am learning that Kay is terribly hard, but that it could have actually been even worse.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion your own self esteem and self respect is way too low. It would greatly help to remember that nobody has a right to abuse you, especially at that level. No matter how much we love our children they have no right to say those things yet get anything from us. What if you had received such a text from a SO? Would he still be around?</p><p></p><p>No matter how much we love somebody this is verbal domestic abuse and in my opinion we need to rise above it. Allowing it makes our kids feel it is okay. We only put up with such evil, not out of love for them but out of lack of caring for ourselves and the misguided thinking that we must "take care" of a child, any age,I any temperament, or WE are bad people. I hope that you learn that you are worth more than this. I would hug you if I could.</p><p></p><p>My advice is only what I would do. Please remember you will not be judged here. by the way I would not grovel to younger son either. Groveling demeans our very souls. Neither son can give you a healthy relationship right now. Kay can't eother and I won't settle for everything on her warped terms.</p><p></p><p>Put yourself first today maybe. You know who your sons are. Take care of YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 751549, member: 23706"] Honestly i was a master enabler. Big time. But NEVER has Kay gone THAT far with her words. I grew up poor and made something out of myself with my also once poor husband. I am strong and confident except for Kay. But had she EVER sent me those words, both of us would have been done THAT DAY. Kay never penned words THAT extreme so we continued to feel some pity for her and "helped" her too much. Had Kay gone so far as to call us sh&# or hoped we died she would have been completely blocked. We would have felt outrage instead of any pity. Done. in my opinion you need to be done. My opinion means nothing. This is your battle to fight, not mine. You choose how to respond or to not respond. All I can share is MY reaction to his text and continuing behavior. And that is that my husband and I actually do have boundaries on how badly we can be abused and Kay was aware. Your son has no respect or love in his heart in my opinion. That is awful. Gave me chills reading it. If your son were Kay, she would be on her own completely. I hurt for you. And am outraged. Just as I was for Josh's mother when he spewed similar horrid texts that go too far and expressed hate after all that loving woman did for him! I am learning that Kay is terribly hard, but that it could have actually been even worse. in my opinion your own self esteem and self respect is way too low. It would greatly help to remember that nobody has a right to abuse you, especially at that level. No matter how much we love our children they have no right to say those things yet get anything from us. What if you had received such a text from a SO? Would he still be around? No matter how much we love somebody this is verbal domestic abuse and in my opinion we need to rise above it. Allowing it makes our kids feel it is okay. We only put up with such evil, not out of love for them but out of lack of caring for ourselves and the misguided thinking that we must "take care" of a child, any age,I any temperament, or WE are bad people. I hope that you learn that you are worth more than this. I would hug you if I could. My advice is only what I would do. Please remember you will not be judged here. by the way I would not grovel to younger son either. Groveling demeans our very souls. Neither son can give you a healthy relationship right now. Kay can't eother and I won't settle for everything on her warped terms. Put yourself first today maybe. You know who your sons are. Take care of YOU. [/QUOTE]
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