Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
husband...Biodad....Jealousy...AARRRGGGHHH!!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="nvts" data-source="post: 130735" data-attributes="member: 3814"><p>Ok, so can your life get ANY more complicated than this?</p><p> </p><p>First: re: difficult child: I am on the same page as you are with ODD. It's driving me nvts, as many kids with this diagnosis are thrust into a group without looking at what's driving the behavior.</p><p> </p><p>Now officially off the soap box.</p><p> </p><p>Regarding the Ex situation.</p><p> </p><p>Hmmm. Sounds like the old cigarette commercial "he's come a long way, baby!". To be honest, I admire anyone who's willing to grow up and start acting the way they're supposed to. It's admirable that he's helping you and difficult child with all that he should have done when you guys were together.</p><p> </p><p>HOWEVER: (there's always one of those!)</p><p> </p><p>husband has been the "dad" and "husband" and the position is slowly being eroded by a guy who was not the person that he should have been for all this time.</p><p> </p><p>He says he's not feeling threatened right now (although I doubt it!) and for arguements sake let's say he's not. He is watching another person who left the love of his life and her child to flounder on their own (whether that be figuratively, emotionally, financially etc) come into his house, with his wife and become her new "best girlfriend". While you have evolved beyond the "may the fleas of a thousand camels infest his armpits" mentality, husband doesn't get it. The guy was a toad who flat-left you at a bad time in your life. How DOES she get over it?!!!</p><p> </p><p>Sit down with husband. Let him know that you hear him. Let him know the value that he adds to your life. Listen to his feelings as to what's comfortable for him vs. what's helpful to you. Agree on time's, places, and circumstances. This whole thing is going to be about compromise. Make sure that HE knows his position is noted and that you still love and respect him. Make sure that HE knows that you also deserve the same love and respect and through that you're willing to look at it from both perspectives.</p><p> </p><p>On again to difficult child. This has GOT to be confusing him as well. Think about it: this relationship is confusing a grown man (husband). How does it look to him (difficult child)? Deep down maybe he's thinking "maybe they're getting back together", then it becomes "what if they do?", "what happens to me", "what happens to husband", "where will I live"? You also mentioned that the Ex is moving. How far is that going to be? Yet another slew of questions are growing in difficult child's head!!!</p><p> </p><p>I firmly believe that an ODD diagnosis. usually is fed by an inordinate amount of anxiety that kids don't know how to deal with. This could be feeding his cycles as well.</p><p> </p><p>As far as advice? I'd slow things down. </p><p> </p><p>Gotta go...my sister needs me to take her easy child/difficult child to school!</p><p> </p><p>Keep us posted!</p><p> </p><p>Beth</p><p> </p><p>PS: Please take this from the heart - I hope I didn't do/say anything that might hurt your feelings (the kids have been home for 9 straight days...all tact has currently left me and is flying somewhere over the United States!).</p><p>me</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nvts, post: 130735, member: 3814"] Ok, so can your life get ANY more complicated than this? First: re: difficult child: I am on the same page as you are with ODD. It's driving me nvts, as many kids with this diagnosis are thrust into a group without looking at what's driving the behavior. Now officially off the soap box. Regarding the Ex situation. Hmmm. Sounds like the old cigarette commercial "he's come a long way, baby!". To be honest, I admire anyone who's willing to grow up and start acting the way they're supposed to. It's admirable that he's helping you and difficult child with all that he should have done when you guys were together. HOWEVER: (there's always one of those!) husband has been the "dad" and "husband" and the position is slowly being eroded by a guy who was not the person that he should have been for all this time. He says he's not feeling threatened right now (although I doubt it!) and for arguements sake let's say he's not. He is watching another person who left the love of his life and her child to flounder on their own (whether that be figuratively, emotionally, financially etc) come into his house, with his wife and become her new "best girlfriend". While you have evolved beyond the "may the fleas of a thousand camels infest his armpits" mentality, husband doesn't get it. The guy was a toad who flat-left you at a bad time in your life. How DOES she get over it?!!! Sit down with husband. Let him know that you hear him. Let him know the value that he adds to your life. Listen to his feelings as to what's comfortable for him vs. what's helpful to you. Agree on time's, places, and circumstances. This whole thing is going to be about compromise. Make sure that HE knows his position is noted and that you still love and respect him. Make sure that HE knows that you also deserve the same love and respect and through that you're willing to look at it from both perspectives. On again to difficult child. This has GOT to be confusing him as well. Think about it: this relationship is confusing a grown man (husband). How does it look to him (difficult child)? Deep down maybe he's thinking "maybe they're getting back together", then it becomes "what if they do?", "what happens to me", "what happens to husband", "where will I live"? You also mentioned that the Ex is moving. How far is that going to be? Yet another slew of questions are growing in difficult child's head!!! I firmly believe that an ODD diagnosis. usually is fed by an inordinate amount of anxiety that kids don't know how to deal with. This could be feeding his cycles as well. As far as advice? I'd slow things down. Gotta go...my sister needs me to take her easy child/difficult child to school! Keep us posted! Beth PS: Please take this from the heart - I hope I didn't do/say anything that might hurt your feelings (the kids have been home for 9 straight days...all tact has currently left me and is flying somewhere over the United States!). me [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
husband...Biodad....Jealousy...AARRRGGGHHH!!!
Top