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husband...Biodad....Jealousy...AARRRGGGHHH!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="ShakespeareMamaX" data-source="post: 131056" data-attributes="member: 3861"><p><strong><span style="color: Red">nvts</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Q</span>: Sit down with husband. Let him know that you hear him. Let him know the value that he adds to your life. Listen to his feelings as to what's comfortable for him vs. what's helpful to you. Agree on time's, places, and circumstances. This whole thing is going to be about compromise. Make sure that HE knows his position is noted and that you still love and respect him. Make sure that HE knows that you also deserve the same love and respect and through that you're willing to look at it from both perspectives.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: DarkOrange">A</span>: Yes...this has been explained. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I agree this would be a marvelous thing to do. Unfortunately, it takes two to tango and I'm alone on the dance floor.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">jessica_j</span></strong></p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Q</span>: however i dated a man for awhile before my hub and it just didnt work . but we remained friends for almost a year and that was it until he found out i was seeing someone else so he decided he wanted me back. not even a hint until then. so whos to say what could be going on in ur ex's mind?</p><p></p><p><span style="color: DarkOrange">A</span>: Good question. Unfortunately, it'll have to stay in his mind, as I make it clear to him (and husband) that there is not (and will never be) a romantic bone in my body for him. His mom once suggested the notion of us getting back together one day. I laughed hysterically...couldn't stop. I think they got the point.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Q</span>: when someone u love is around someone they once cared about i guees u cant help what goes through ur mind even though u know better than to even think it.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: DarkOrange">A</span>: Want to hear an icki story (yeah...I'm not proud...)? Ex and I dated for 1 month, I got pregnant. We tried on and off for 2 yrs with tension you wouldn't believe. He was a verbally/emotionally abusive alcoholic. He cheated on me many times, yet, I had this goal in my head to have a family with my son's (bio)father as I didn't have that. He had massive control issues and anytime I tried to leave him, he threatened suicide. When I decided enough was enough, I let him walk out the door as he threatened to drive into a tree, called 911 and that was the end of our relationship. I hated him, and I mean HATED him. If he had died, I would have peed on his grave (sorry for the details). I said the most horrid things to him everytime I saw him and had kicked myself for ever persuing a relationship for him and my son. The only times we have ever gotten along was when he was being good to his children. Back then, he wouldn't spend 5 minutes with difficult child and we were living together (might I add, while living together, we didn't even hold hands). It took a lot to prove to me that I could trust him...and trust him with our son. I didn't just receive a child support payment and BAM! ...best friends. At first, he showed me with his other son. He was there with the medical issues, then took him in when his son's mom was being a [insert colorful word here]. He took initiative not to have his children around his girlfriend at the time when he started seeing the treatment she was giving them. He called more often to get updates on how difficult child was doing at school. He eventually ended the relationship with-the girlfriend. He hit rock bottom after that (karma?). His other son's mom took his son away from him. He lost his job. He lost his apt. He nearly lost his ability to live freely when I almost brought him to court for all the child support/daycare bills he owed our son/me. I saw a change in him, though. he didn't turn to drinking this time. He realized his kids shouldn't be around during this time of depression he was going through and called on his good days as often as he could. He pulled himself together, got a job, has been making payments directly to me as support enforcement hasn't gotten their stuff together to take $ out of his check, he chose to stay in a safe home (his mom's house) so his kids could start visiting again. His days off, now, are Wed and Thur so those are the days he tries to merge in some visitation time. Those are also the days I make everyone's appts, now, as he's willing to make it possible for my family (me, husband, and both kids) to be healthy and happy. Despite difficult child's aggressive behavior, he's on top of the world when he gets to see his father as often as he has been. I no longer see the escalated bad behavior when he comes home from visits. He's happier, now. My theory is that he senses all the tension between husband and me (and all the not-compromises we're making) and acts out because of it. It could possibly be the school, again, as they already called me at 10:30am asking me to go there and possibly get him because he refused to go to class. It could be the entire equation. I try and try and try to make everything work...to make everybody happy... I think I'm done. Now, I'm not an advocate of divorce, but...</p><p></p><p>I can't deal with another man like my ex used to be...</p><p></p><p></p><p>I take no offense in any of your responses and, please, bring on more. I need all the advice I can right now 'cause I'm at the end on my rope.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ShakespeareMamaX, post: 131056, member: 3861"] [B][COLOR="Red"]nvts[/COLOR][/B] [COLOR="Blue"]Q[/COLOR]: Sit down with husband. Let him know that you hear him. Let him know the value that he adds to your life. Listen to his feelings as to what's comfortable for him vs. what's helpful to you. Agree on time's, places, and circumstances. This whole thing is going to be about compromise. Make sure that HE knows his position is noted and that you still love and respect him. Make sure that HE knows that you also deserve the same love and respect and through that you're willing to look at it from both perspectives. [COLOR="DarkOrange"]A[/COLOR]: Yes...this has been explained. :) I agree this would be a marvelous thing to do. Unfortunately, it takes two to tango and I'm alone on the dance floor. [B][COLOR="Red"]jessica_j[/COLOR][/B] [COLOR="Blue"]Q[/COLOR]: however i dated a man for awhile before my hub and it just didnt work . but we remained friends for almost a year and that was it until he found out i was seeing someone else so he decided he wanted me back. not even a hint until then. so whos to say what could be going on in ur ex's mind? [COLOR="DarkOrange"]A[/COLOR]: Good question. Unfortunately, it'll have to stay in his mind, as I make it clear to him (and husband) that there is not (and will never be) a romantic bone in my body for him. His mom once suggested the notion of us getting back together one day. I laughed hysterically...couldn't stop. I think they got the point. [COLOR="Blue"]Q[/COLOR]: when someone u love is around someone they once cared about i guees u cant help what goes through ur mind even though u know better than to even think it. [COLOR="DarkOrange"]A[/COLOR]: Want to hear an icki story (yeah...I'm not proud...)? Ex and I dated for 1 month, I got pregnant. We tried on and off for 2 yrs with tension you wouldn't believe. He was a verbally/emotionally abusive alcoholic. He cheated on me many times, yet, I had this goal in my head to have a family with my son's (bio)father as I didn't have that. He had massive control issues and anytime I tried to leave him, he threatened suicide. When I decided enough was enough, I let him walk out the door as he threatened to drive into a tree, called 911 and that was the end of our relationship. I hated him, and I mean HATED him. If he had died, I would have peed on his grave (sorry for the details). I said the most horrid things to him everytime I saw him and had kicked myself for ever persuing a relationship for him and my son. The only times we have ever gotten along was when he was being good to his children. Back then, he wouldn't spend 5 minutes with difficult child and we were living together (might I add, while living together, we didn't even hold hands). It took a lot to prove to me that I could trust him...and trust him with our son. I didn't just receive a child support payment and BAM! ...best friends. At first, he showed me with his other son. He was there with the medical issues, then took him in when his son's mom was being a [insert colorful word here]. He took initiative not to have his children around his girlfriend at the time when he started seeing the treatment she was giving them. He called more often to get updates on how difficult child was doing at school. He eventually ended the relationship with-the girlfriend. He hit rock bottom after that (karma?). His other son's mom took his son away from him. He lost his job. He lost his apt. He nearly lost his ability to live freely when I almost brought him to court for all the child support/daycare bills he owed our son/me. I saw a change in him, though. he didn't turn to drinking this time. He realized his kids shouldn't be around during this time of depression he was going through and called on his good days as often as he could. He pulled himself together, got a job, has been making payments directly to me as support enforcement hasn't gotten their stuff together to take $ out of his check, he chose to stay in a safe home (his mom's house) so his kids could start visiting again. His days off, now, are Wed and Thur so those are the days he tries to merge in some visitation time. Those are also the days I make everyone's appts, now, as he's willing to make it possible for my family (me, husband, and both kids) to be healthy and happy. Despite difficult child's aggressive behavior, he's on top of the world when he gets to see his father as often as he has been. I no longer see the escalated bad behavior when he comes home from visits. He's happier, now. My theory is that he senses all the tension between husband and me (and all the not-compromises we're making) and acts out because of it. It could possibly be the school, again, as they already called me at 10:30am asking me to go there and possibly get him because he refused to go to class. It could be the entire equation. I try and try and try to make everything work...to make everybody happy... I think I'm done. Now, I'm not an advocate of divorce, but... I can't deal with another man like my ex used to be... I take no offense in any of your responses and, please, bring on more. I need all the advice I can right now 'cause I'm at the end on my rope. [/QUOTE]
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