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husband has gone crazy.
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 584767" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Believe me ladies he will not be calling the shots. I can be a formidable opponent when I have to be and he is well aware of that having seem me in action with all the difficult child stuff and the foster kids etc. </p><p></p><p>Barbara there is the possibility of long term legal seperation in this state. In that scenario, he would continue to support me while separated but there are downsides if it does go to divorce in the future. I met a lady at my club meeting that had been seperated for 7 years but is now wanting a divorce. She said that she will get less of her spouse's retirement and assets because they will be adjusted down for the time seperated but she is much younger and healthier than me.</p><p></p><p>Currently, husband has a room in a rooming houes near work because when he lost his last job he couldn't find work close by. It is too far to commute from home so he works 4-10 hour shifts splitting his time between home and the boarding house. In summer I can go to our other residenc and he can come here to oversee easy child/difficult child so we actually don't need to find another residence for either of us if we seperate. </p><p></p><p>I already have my own savings accounts and CD's POD to my daughter. They have enough in them to live off of for several months<em><u> if</u></em> I live frugally. You can bet your bottom dollar I am going to continue to add to them.</p><p></p><p>I have found all our financial records. husband has not blocked me from his employer acounts. There is nothing amis there no loans or withdrawals from the retirement plans and 401K and I went back over it for three years. </p><p></p><p>You might recall from my past posts that we lost much of our retirement when the CEO of husband's last workplace bailed out and took all moneies with him. The company survived (barely) but all upper level persons were laid off with no access to unemployment since the CEO had made them all consultants prior to his maneuver. Everyone lost almost all retirement monies. The CEO was savy he had a lawyer walk him through the entire thing and though underhanded and evil it was all legal. husband was with them for almost 20 years. So alot of what we should have in retirement savings was lost 10 years ago. We have been working hard to sock away much more than the average for the last 7 years to make up for our losses. But we will never catch up and are hevily dependant on SS for retirement. Our SS benefits are about 2600/month if husband works to 68. We will have our health benefits. We won't be able to maintain our current lifestyle even if we stay together. But apart... well we will both be living on peanuts. We always knew we would have to sell one of our homes to retire but with the housing market so deflated neither is worth much anymore. We will loose money selling our primary and barely break even on our beach house. With studios apts going for 800-1200 around here it is actually cheaper to continue to own our curent home and pay the taxes and utilities than to get a rental. </p><p></p><p>Honestly this is a real emotional & financial quagmire. husband has calmed down and accepted that he has relapsed. He has found a group and is going to attend an ANon meeting tomorrow. He also is going to find a berevement group. At present he is still on the fence about indivitual therapy preferring mariage therapy instead. I am not willing to go to marriage therapy at this time. He now says he wants to stay married and is no longer asking for an open one either...Honestly, I think he did the math rather than had any kind of gestault. </p><p></p><p>Do not worry ladies, he can't snow me and I have excellent radar. Couple that with the experience and the knowledge I have aquired about never trusting an addict and I honestly do believe I have a good handle on this. I will still see the lawyers next week, discuss options, and put my first choice on retainer to insure he/she is available. I am also going to start selling off some collections I have and squirrel away the money. I have been meaning to do that for years now. This is good incentive. RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 584767, member: 2315"] Believe me ladies he will not be calling the shots. I can be a formidable opponent when I have to be and he is well aware of that having seem me in action with all the difficult child stuff and the foster kids etc. Barbara there is the possibility of long term legal seperation in this state. In that scenario, he would continue to support me while separated but there are downsides if it does go to divorce in the future. I met a lady at my club meeting that had been seperated for 7 years but is now wanting a divorce. She said that she will get less of her spouse's retirement and assets because they will be adjusted down for the time seperated but she is much younger and healthier than me. Currently, husband has a room in a rooming houes near work because when he lost his last job he couldn't find work close by. It is too far to commute from home so he works 4-10 hour shifts splitting his time between home and the boarding house. In summer I can go to our other residenc and he can come here to oversee easy child/difficult child so we actually don't need to find another residence for either of us if we seperate. I already have my own savings accounts and CD's POD to my daughter. They have enough in them to live off of for several months[I][U] if[/U][/I] I live frugally. You can bet your bottom dollar I am going to continue to add to them. I have found all our financial records. husband has not blocked me from his employer acounts. There is nothing amis there no loans or withdrawals from the retirement plans and 401K and I went back over it for three years. You might recall from my past posts that we lost much of our retirement when the CEO of husband's last workplace bailed out and took all moneies with him. The company survived (barely) but all upper level persons were laid off with no access to unemployment since the CEO had made them all consultants prior to his maneuver. Everyone lost almost all retirement monies. The CEO was savy he had a lawyer walk him through the entire thing and though underhanded and evil it was all legal. husband was with them for almost 20 years. So alot of what we should have in retirement savings was lost 10 years ago. We have been working hard to sock away much more than the average for the last 7 years to make up for our losses. But we will never catch up and are hevily dependant on SS for retirement. Our SS benefits are about 2600/month if husband works to 68. We will have our health benefits. We won't be able to maintain our current lifestyle even if we stay together. But apart... well we will both be living on peanuts. We always knew we would have to sell one of our homes to retire but with the housing market so deflated neither is worth much anymore. We will loose money selling our primary and barely break even on our beach house. With studios apts going for 800-1200 around here it is actually cheaper to continue to own our curent home and pay the taxes and utilities than to get a rental. Honestly this is a real emotional & financial quagmire. husband has calmed down and accepted that he has relapsed. He has found a group and is going to attend an ANon meeting tomorrow. He also is going to find a berevement group. At present he is still on the fence about indivitual therapy preferring mariage therapy instead. I am not willing to go to marriage therapy at this time. He now says he wants to stay married and is no longer asking for an open one either...Honestly, I think he did the math rather than had any kind of gestault. Do not worry ladies, he can't snow me and I have excellent radar. Couple that with the experience and the knowledge I have aquired about never trusting an addict and I honestly do believe I have a good handle on this. I will still see the lawyers next week, discuss options, and put my first choice on retainer to insure he/she is available. I am also going to start selling off some collections I have and squirrel away the money. I have been meaning to do that for years now. This is good incentive. RM [/QUOTE]
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