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husband Has Me Feeling Passive-Aggressive This AM
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 560808" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think any doctor who will not address his weight is irresponsible and most likely is practicing medicine so badly that it is malpractice. With ANY heart issues they should be talking about diet. What would happen if you took him to a 'bariatric' doctor? Those are the docs who specialize in weight issues for those who are huge?</p><p></p><p>Has he had the A1C test and a fasting blood glucose? A challenge blood glucose test where he has to fast and then drink that ultra-sugary stuff? You know, the one you had to do when you were pregnant? in my opinion that test alone had me eating right for months because it was so awful. I would send a fax or letter IN WRITING to the doctor describing his diet and asking the doctor to consider this when treating him, and letting the doctor know that unless the doctor is going to treat these factors in your husband's health then you will not just push your husband to see another doctor but you will also file a complaint with the state licensing board because it is far too well known that with these issues the dietary factors MUST be treated.</p><p></p><p>I strongly doubt that you can force them to do any testing on him with-o anesthesia, mostly because it isn't your decision - it is his. He has the legal right to control this and you only get that right if you can prove that he is not competent. </p><p></p><p>As for the food, I would not buy it for him. I probably would throw it out also. I refuse to allow microwave popcorn bags in the house. Yes they are cheap, but not that cheap. We make popcorn in the microwave in a plain brown paper lunch bag and then use various toppings. Even using a bit of real butter or margarine it is loads healthier and lower calorie than even the 'light' bags that you buy. Adding various spices (even ones I don't like smelling, lol!) adds antioxidants and other healthy things. </p><p></p><p>in my opinion your husband NEEDS to get some help for depression as it does sound like depression/anxiety eating, and he NEEDS to see a nutritionist. Most ins co's will pay for a nutritionist, and you could probably pay one out of pocket for less than the junk food he is eating in a month. Make portion sizing a common discussion topic. Meat should be about the size of a deck of cards, etc.... there are LOTS of similar rules that make it EASY to judge portion sizes by comparing them to items we regularly use. It is harder when you say '1 ounce' but if you say 'size of a golf ball' or whatever the rule of thumb is, that is hard to overlook. One friend of mine kept a bowl with these items of comparison in them in her kitchen while she cooked and on the table while they ate so that t was really hard to argue that a deck of cards is the size of a brick, etc.....</p><p></p><p>I honestly think that for some people the feelings that they get when they overeat to extremes is very similar to what cutters get when they feel the pain and see the blood. Whether this is true or not, reality is that you cannot control someone else's diet but you don't have to enable them or allow them to make you watch them commit slow suicide. It is hard, but you need to think about ways you are enabling him, and about your own co-dependence because this can be an addiction issue. Look up overeater's anonymous and see if they have any help that would support YOU. Then do what you feel is reasonable with your own behavior and make darn sure that his doctor knows that you feel he is committing malpractice by not even discussing diet wiht your husband. </p><p></p><p>What would happen if you insisted that your husband see another doctor? Maybe have you visit a few docs to ask about this issue and then get husband to go see one of them on the premise that if he wll change to this doctor (that you know will keep on him over this issue) then you will not keep throwing all his junk food away? Or if he will see this guy and a nutritionist then you won't toss what the doctor and nutritionist put in writing that he can have?</p><p></p><p>This is a terribly complex issue, and a bariatric doctor is likely to push surgery, so think about that. It might be the only realistic way to get him to lose enough weight to be healthier, but there are side effects to the surgery that can be super difficult. esp one called dumping where your bowel empties totally because it got too much food or fats or difficult foods at one time. J had a teacher who had surgery for weight loss and half of a 2" square piece of cake sent her running, literally runnng, for a bathroom. But the procedures have come a LONG way since then and this might be something that could help him. The surgery is no substitute for proper diet, and makes proper diet even more important, but it may be something to consider. </p><p></p><p>As for the cost of food, it sounds like your husband is an addict and that may not be something that has any effect on him. It might help if you went over the family budget, showed how only X amt can be put to food and then made him actually shop for the family groceries with you and made him pay CASH for them. Then have him get a cart with his junk food and see how small that cartfull of food is and how much it costs in comparison with what the rest of you eat. That may be a way that makes an impact. </p><p></p><p>I am really sorry that this is such a problem. I think that it is for many people. I hope your husband will accept help before he kills himself. How do you get any sleep with him choking all night? I would push a sleep study for that issue because it sounds like it would have me awake all night every night. (No one in my family wants that, not at all!) A sleep study done at a reputable place WILL tell him that his weight must be lowered and he must not eat for so many hours before bed because it is causing problems. They also may rx a machine for apnea which is probably badly needed. </p><p></p><p>If you get really upset, homemade emetics are a bad, bad choice. The last thing you want him to learn is to vomit the food up because it causes other problems and they can double or triple what they eat because after they vomit they are 'empty' again. I do know a woman who did this as a last resort with her husband and it got really ugly. Dumping bulimia on top of the rest of this is a recipe for a real disaster.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 560808, member: 1233"] I think any doctor who will not address his weight is irresponsible and most likely is practicing medicine so badly that it is malpractice. With ANY heart issues they should be talking about diet. What would happen if you took him to a 'bariatric' doctor? Those are the docs who specialize in weight issues for those who are huge? Has he had the A1C test and a fasting blood glucose? A challenge blood glucose test where he has to fast and then drink that ultra-sugary stuff? You know, the one you had to do when you were pregnant? in my opinion that test alone had me eating right for months because it was so awful. I would send a fax or letter IN WRITING to the doctor describing his diet and asking the doctor to consider this when treating him, and letting the doctor know that unless the doctor is going to treat these factors in your husband's health then you will not just push your husband to see another doctor but you will also file a complaint with the state licensing board because it is far too well known that with these issues the dietary factors MUST be treated. I strongly doubt that you can force them to do any testing on him with-o anesthesia, mostly because it isn't your decision - it is his. He has the legal right to control this and you only get that right if you can prove that he is not competent. As for the food, I would not buy it for him. I probably would throw it out also. I refuse to allow microwave popcorn bags in the house. Yes they are cheap, but not that cheap. We make popcorn in the microwave in a plain brown paper lunch bag and then use various toppings. Even using a bit of real butter or margarine it is loads healthier and lower calorie than even the 'light' bags that you buy. Adding various spices (even ones I don't like smelling, lol!) adds antioxidants and other healthy things. in my opinion your husband NEEDS to get some help for depression as it does sound like depression/anxiety eating, and he NEEDS to see a nutritionist. Most ins co's will pay for a nutritionist, and you could probably pay one out of pocket for less than the junk food he is eating in a month. Make portion sizing a common discussion topic. Meat should be about the size of a deck of cards, etc.... there are LOTS of similar rules that make it EASY to judge portion sizes by comparing them to items we regularly use. It is harder when you say '1 ounce' but if you say 'size of a golf ball' or whatever the rule of thumb is, that is hard to overlook. One friend of mine kept a bowl with these items of comparison in them in her kitchen while she cooked and on the table while they ate so that t was really hard to argue that a deck of cards is the size of a brick, etc..... I honestly think that for some people the feelings that they get when they overeat to extremes is very similar to what cutters get when they feel the pain and see the blood. Whether this is true or not, reality is that you cannot control someone else's diet but you don't have to enable them or allow them to make you watch them commit slow suicide. It is hard, but you need to think about ways you are enabling him, and about your own co-dependence because this can be an addiction issue. Look up overeater's anonymous and see if they have any help that would support YOU. Then do what you feel is reasonable with your own behavior and make darn sure that his doctor knows that you feel he is committing malpractice by not even discussing diet wiht your husband. What would happen if you insisted that your husband see another doctor? Maybe have you visit a few docs to ask about this issue and then get husband to go see one of them on the premise that if he wll change to this doctor (that you know will keep on him over this issue) then you will not keep throwing all his junk food away? Or if he will see this guy and a nutritionist then you won't toss what the doctor and nutritionist put in writing that he can have? This is a terribly complex issue, and a bariatric doctor is likely to push surgery, so think about that. It might be the only realistic way to get him to lose enough weight to be healthier, but there are side effects to the surgery that can be super difficult. esp one called dumping where your bowel empties totally because it got too much food or fats or difficult foods at one time. J had a teacher who had surgery for weight loss and half of a 2" square piece of cake sent her running, literally runnng, for a bathroom. But the procedures have come a LONG way since then and this might be something that could help him. The surgery is no substitute for proper diet, and makes proper diet even more important, but it may be something to consider. As for the cost of food, it sounds like your husband is an addict and that may not be something that has any effect on him. It might help if you went over the family budget, showed how only X amt can be put to food and then made him actually shop for the family groceries with you and made him pay CASH for them. Then have him get a cart with his junk food and see how small that cartfull of food is and how much it costs in comparison with what the rest of you eat. That may be a way that makes an impact. I am really sorry that this is such a problem. I think that it is for many people. I hope your husband will accept help before he kills himself. How do you get any sleep with him choking all night? I would push a sleep study for that issue because it sounds like it would have me awake all night every night. (No one in my family wants that, not at all!) A sleep study done at a reputable place WILL tell him that his weight must be lowered and he must not eat for so many hours before bed because it is causing problems. They also may rx a machine for apnea which is probably badly needed. If you get really upset, homemade emetics are a bad, bad choice. The last thing you want him to learn is to vomit the food up because it causes other problems and they can double or triple what they eat because after they vomit they are 'empty' again. I do know a woman who did this as a last resort with her husband and it got really ugly. Dumping bulimia on top of the rest of this is a recipe for a real disaster. [/QUOTE]
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