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husband Has Me Feeling Passive-Aggressive This AM
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 560853" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The safety of sugar is actually a very complex issue, esp as people now do NOT regard or consume sugar the way people did for centuries. I don't believe that it is dangerous for the majority of people IF consumed as part of a balanced, healthy diet. I do believe that many people have addiction issues and that sugar and other foods are just another type of addiction for them. I think our society has made unhealthy food so desirable that most folks have no clue what they are eating or how many calories or how unhealthy the food and/or their portions are.</p><p></p><p>He is going to whine. Regardless of what changes he may choose to make, if he doesn't deal with the why, or find a reason to fight for himself, there is little you can do other than to refuse to listen to hm or to allow junk to be in your home. Whining is obnoxious, and it makes life tough for you, but that may be something you end up tolerating. I would personally start taking photos of his plates of food with a camera or your phone and make sure the time and date are on them. Then print them out and go to the doctor WITH him. You can think of it as an intervention, and in my opinion this may be the ONLY way to get him to pay attention. </p><p></p><p>Why not watch a couple of episodes of intervention, talk to a therapist or someone at overeater's anon and think about what you can say and do to help your husband see how his addiction is hurting him and hurting you and the kids. </p><p></p><p>Topomax might help him. It did help me lose weight and I know some docs are rxing for weight loss. I think he honestly may not be aware that he is eating so much. I know when my husband talks about food he is truly clueless about how much he is eating much of the time. He used to go on and on about how he only had ice cream one time a week and didn't eat much sweets and was just soooo much healthier than me. then I started commenting on how the biggest bag of chips or doritos or other salty snack was ten servings and how many calories and how I ate ice cream every night but a pint lasted more than a week and his one night of ice cream had him going through way more than a pint a week. </p><p></p><p>I also pointed out all the fat in his chips and the tons of cheese he put on them. At the time we lived near an all you can eat buffet restaurant and he would brag about how 'healthy' he ate there, and how I pigged out on desserts. I didn't eat as healthy there, largely because other than salad their veggies were cooked to mush and I loathe that. But I wasn't drowning my salad in cheese and ranch and fatty things. I also used maybe 3 plates and I didn't eat everything if something didn't taste good at the time. husband ate every bite of every single plate and would go through a full plate of salad, three of meat and veggies, one of potatoes, one of tacos and nachos and a 'dessert' of sweet potatoes of cinnamon and butter all over them. In all he ate moe than three times the amt that I did, and was completely shocked when I showed him photos of his meal vs. mine. I did that because I got tired of his constant "I am so healthy in my food and you are not" koi. I am not the healthiest eater, but he sure isn't eating any better than I am, we just have different junk food favorites.</p><p></p><p>If you want him to change this pattern, he needs help. Would it be possible to either take pics or take pics and WEIGH each plate of food? Maybe make it a challenge? Get a kitchen scale and weigh each plate that you see him fix, and each one that YOU fix. Take pics and make sure there is somethign to show the scale in each. A spoon or ruler or specific dish that you can measure separately would be good. then print the photos to scale and take them to a doctor appointment with him. </p><p></p><p>He needs to SEE what he is doing, and then his doctor needs to know. Going to the doctor with him, with your photos, is going to be one of the best ways to do this, esp if you have how much each plate weighs to help. Heck, take the dish to show the actual size of the plates he is eating off of.</p><p></p><p>Then, when he whines, tell him you know it is hard, but you know he wants to change and you are not going to enable him to kill himself. If he wants to eat like that, then he can no longer spend a ton on docs and he must just deal with feeling awful. If he wants to get better, then he will get some help and do what the docs say.</p><p></p><p>It is far better to control portion size rather than to feel deprived, but if he is addicted to sugar he may have to go cold turkey for weeks or months to get his body used to not having so much sugar. in my opinion his doctor needs to send him to a doctor who deals with these weight issues, and a therapist who also deals with addiction esp food addiction.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is so rough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 560853, member: 1233"] The safety of sugar is actually a very complex issue, esp as people now do NOT regard or consume sugar the way people did for centuries. I don't believe that it is dangerous for the majority of people IF consumed as part of a balanced, healthy diet. I do believe that many people have addiction issues and that sugar and other foods are just another type of addiction for them. I think our society has made unhealthy food so desirable that most folks have no clue what they are eating or how many calories or how unhealthy the food and/or their portions are. He is going to whine. Regardless of what changes he may choose to make, if he doesn't deal with the why, or find a reason to fight for himself, there is little you can do other than to refuse to listen to hm or to allow junk to be in your home. Whining is obnoxious, and it makes life tough for you, but that may be something you end up tolerating. I would personally start taking photos of his plates of food with a camera or your phone and make sure the time and date are on them. Then print them out and go to the doctor WITH him. You can think of it as an intervention, and in my opinion this may be the ONLY way to get him to pay attention. Why not watch a couple of episodes of intervention, talk to a therapist or someone at overeater's anon and think about what you can say and do to help your husband see how his addiction is hurting him and hurting you and the kids. Topomax might help him. It did help me lose weight and I know some docs are rxing for weight loss. I think he honestly may not be aware that he is eating so much. I know when my husband talks about food he is truly clueless about how much he is eating much of the time. He used to go on and on about how he only had ice cream one time a week and didn't eat much sweets and was just soooo much healthier than me. then I started commenting on how the biggest bag of chips or doritos or other salty snack was ten servings and how many calories and how I ate ice cream every night but a pint lasted more than a week and his one night of ice cream had him going through way more than a pint a week. I also pointed out all the fat in his chips and the tons of cheese he put on them. At the time we lived near an all you can eat buffet restaurant and he would brag about how 'healthy' he ate there, and how I pigged out on desserts. I didn't eat as healthy there, largely because other than salad their veggies were cooked to mush and I loathe that. But I wasn't drowning my salad in cheese and ranch and fatty things. I also used maybe 3 plates and I didn't eat everything if something didn't taste good at the time. husband ate every bite of every single plate and would go through a full plate of salad, three of meat and veggies, one of potatoes, one of tacos and nachos and a 'dessert' of sweet potatoes of cinnamon and butter all over them. In all he ate moe than three times the amt that I did, and was completely shocked when I showed him photos of his meal vs. mine. I did that because I got tired of his constant "I am so healthy in my food and you are not" koi. I am not the healthiest eater, but he sure isn't eating any better than I am, we just have different junk food favorites. If you want him to change this pattern, he needs help. Would it be possible to either take pics or take pics and WEIGH each plate of food? Maybe make it a challenge? Get a kitchen scale and weigh each plate that you see him fix, and each one that YOU fix. Take pics and make sure there is somethign to show the scale in each. A spoon or ruler or specific dish that you can measure separately would be good. then print the photos to scale and take them to a doctor appointment with him. He needs to SEE what he is doing, and then his doctor needs to know. Going to the doctor with him, with your photos, is going to be one of the best ways to do this, esp if you have how much each plate weighs to help. Heck, take the dish to show the actual size of the plates he is eating off of. Then, when he whines, tell him you know it is hard, but you know he wants to change and you are not going to enable him to kill himself. If he wants to eat like that, then he can no longer spend a ton on docs and he must just deal with feeling awful. If he wants to get better, then he will get some help and do what the docs say. It is far better to control portion size rather than to feel deprived, but if he is addicted to sugar he may have to go cold turkey for weeks or months to get his body used to not having so much sugar. in my opinion his doctor needs to send him to a doctor who deals with these weight issues, and a therapist who also deals with addiction esp food addiction. I am sorry this is so rough. [/QUOTE]
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