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husband inappropriate response?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 84500" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Terry,</p><p> Marriages are a lot of work. Some periods my husband carries a bigger portion of the load and others I carry a bigger portion of the load. </p><p> I do not want husband to fix my problems and I don't fix his. I will ask advice. I want him to listen make suggestions and talk to me like he would his good friends who ask advice. When he runs into a problem that is obviously of his own doing, my comment is "what are you going to do about that?". </p><p> To say your relationship is dysfunctional co dependent is a unfair based on this one episode. Humans are flawed and marriages are not equal. I try for fair. Like I said different times require different strengths. </p><p> Situational depression is a normal response to a difficult child. Your husband doesn't need to take it personally but to love you enough to reinforce that you are doing a wonderful job. Situational depression is normal when your spouse tends to think the world revolves around him and his "all important job". I don't make light of bringing home the bacon. I am grateful that I have options when it comes to working from home or going into a job. However making a home for husband and doing much of the home/family things so husband can be free to pursue his career is important and has value. </p><p></p><p> Ask your husband to love you and to look at the big picture, stop being 100% self absorbed and work on being part of a team. His interests are important to him but there must be a list of priorities. He must contribute more than income in order to be in a loving relationship with his children and his wife. It's pretty simple. </p><p> Good luck. Find your balance between the kids, the husband, the home and the work you want to do. At least that's what I think and what I try to work towards. My husband travels and works many hours. We struggle to find enough time to do what we need to stay connected but after 25yrs we are a work in progress.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 84500, member: 3"] Terry, Marriages are a lot of work. Some periods my husband carries a bigger portion of the load and others I carry a bigger portion of the load. I do not want husband to fix my problems and I don't fix his. I will ask advice. I want him to listen make suggestions and talk to me like he would his good friends who ask advice. When he runs into a problem that is obviously of his own doing, my comment is "what are you going to do about that?". To say your relationship is dysfunctional co dependent is a unfair based on this one episode. Humans are flawed and marriages are not equal. I try for fair. Like I said different times require different strengths. Situational depression is a normal response to a difficult child. Your husband doesn't need to take it personally but to love you enough to reinforce that you are doing a wonderful job. Situational depression is normal when your spouse tends to think the world revolves around him and his "all important job". I don't make light of bringing home the bacon. I am grateful that I have options when it comes to working from home or going into a job. However making a home for husband and doing much of the home/family things so husband can be free to pursue his career is important and has value. Ask your husband to love you and to look at the big picture, stop being 100% self absorbed and work on being part of a team. His interests are important to him but there must be a list of priorities. He must contribute more than income in order to be in a loving relationship with his children and his wife. It's pretty simple. Good luck. Find your balance between the kids, the husband, the home and the work you want to do. At least that's what I think and what I try to work towards. My husband travels and works many hours. We struggle to find enough time to do what we need to stay connected but after 25yrs we are a work in progress. [/QUOTE]
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