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husband inappropriate response?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 84593" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Terri, </p><p></p><p>I guess I need to understand the situation a little more. Are you going to counseling BECAUSE of some of the behaviors of husband? Or did you start off going for difficult child reasons and it sorta smeared the line and went to husband? (No answer necessary to me, just think about it) </p><p></p><p>I think a mature response on your DF's part could have been; "Wow, I wish you would have told me, what can I do to help?" or even "Honey, what's going on that's so out of whack you didn't want to tell me?" Not "Oh you don't trust me, whine, whine." </p><p></p><p>I don't think it's his shock that got you, otherwise you would have just kept going and not told him at all. I think what got you was his whining? Maybe like "Great I tell him something about ME and he makes it a federal issue about him as USUAL." If THAT is what you were thinking, then I'd explore it in counseling. </p><p></p><p>You can't go back 8 weeks and tell him what you've been doing and why. You told him today. For whatever reason you felt the need to keep it from him makes me think that there is more to be dug through on YOUR thoughts about him. It's nothing against him in your mind, you just needed time to sort things out without the reaction maybe you KNEW he would give you. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I think that you should have told him up front that you were going. But maybe you didn't JUST for this exact reason of how he reacted to your telling him now. If that's the case then maybe you both should go to counseling. Your last lines say most of what I think is why you didn't tell him about your need to talk to someone - you said you went 28 years ago, he changed for 6 weeks and then became the same person he was. You called it backsliding - I call it the way he was when you married him and he ain't gonna change. (maybe) </p><p></p><p>When I went to family counseling it was to keep my family together so that everyone had an equal share to blow it out of their blow hole and get things off our chests so we wouldn't fume longer than 6 days over a behavior. If you continue to fume over time you get resentful, resentfulness turns to anger, anger turns to hate, hate to loathe and loathe to separation. (in my humble opinion) </p><p></p><p>If things have been building up for that long there are choices your psychiatric will explore with you I'm sure. I was told my choices were cope or leave. I chose to stay and work at it and there are days when I walk away from him with my mouth open doing a silent scream (but I'm sure he does the same with me) we just don't say ugly things to hurt the other. </p><p></p><p>Maybe...you could invite him to your session. I did. And he ended up coming with me for the last 2 years. For a man who had NOTHING TO SAY....he sure took up his 1/2 of 60 minutes each week, and felt better for it. (honest) </p><p></p><p>This too shall pas</p><p>Hugs Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 84593, member: 4964"] Terri, I guess I need to understand the situation a little more. Are you going to counseling BECAUSE of some of the behaviors of husband? Or did you start off going for difficult child reasons and it sorta smeared the line and went to husband? (No answer necessary to me, just think about it) I think a mature response on your DF's part could have been; "Wow, I wish you would have told me, what can I do to help?" or even "Honey, what's going on that's so out of whack you didn't want to tell me?" Not "Oh you don't trust me, whine, whine." I don't think it's his shock that got you, otherwise you would have just kept going and not told him at all. I think what got you was his whining? Maybe like "Great I tell him something about ME and he makes it a federal issue about him as USUAL." If THAT is what you were thinking, then I'd explore it in counseling. You can't go back 8 weeks and tell him what you've been doing and why. You told him today. For whatever reason you felt the need to keep it from him makes me think that there is more to be dug through on YOUR thoughts about him. It's nothing against him in your mind, you just needed time to sort things out without the reaction maybe you KNEW he would give you. Yes, I think that you should have told him up front that you were going. But maybe you didn't JUST for this exact reason of how he reacted to your telling him now. If that's the case then maybe you both should go to counseling. Your last lines say most of what I think is why you didn't tell him about your need to talk to someone - you said you went 28 years ago, he changed for 6 weeks and then became the same person he was. You called it backsliding - I call it the way he was when you married him and he ain't gonna change. (maybe) When I went to family counseling it was to keep my family together so that everyone had an equal share to blow it out of their blow hole and get things off our chests so we wouldn't fume longer than 6 days over a behavior. If you continue to fume over time you get resentful, resentfulness turns to anger, anger turns to hate, hate to loathe and loathe to separation. (in my humble opinion) If things have been building up for that long there are choices your psychiatric will explore with you I'm sure. I was told my choices were cope or leave. I chose to stay and work at it and there are days when I walk away from him with my mouth open doing a silent scream (but I'm sure he does the same with me) we just don't say ugly things to hurt the other. Maybe...you could invite him to your session. I did. And he ended up coming with me for the last 2 years. For a man who had NOTHING TO SAY....he sure took up his 1/2 of 60 minutes each week, and felt better for it. (honest) This too shall pas Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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