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husband inappropriate response?
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 84619" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Thank you, all.</p><p></p><p>I did invite husband to go to counseling with-me. Just thought I'd clarify that. But I just invited him this weekend, after I'd gone several times to pursue avenues he wouldn't "get" or which did not necessarily relate directly to difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Yes, you are correct on many points.</p><p></p><p>We did go to counseling, for a couple of yrs. This was b4 difficult child came to us. Our issues were in regard to our marriage, intimacy issues, just spending time together and being alone. husband doesn't like to be alone. The bigger the group, the better. Whenever we had problems, he always said I was stressed from work, or that I wasn't getting enough sleep. Now it's difficult child. It's always something else or someone else. Never us. He always avoided discussing us. If he asked me my goals in life, for example, and I'd think we were talking about dreams and fantasies, I'd name off some things, and he'd say they weren't specific enough and he'd turn it into a biz discussion. We're always on diff wavelengths. </p><p></p><p>Does this help explain things?</p><p></p><p>He does try to "fix" things. A very "guy" thing to do. </p><p></p><p>In regard to his not getting it, up until a few yrs ago, I'd freak at a couple things he did that reminded me of my mother. Possible PTSD. He said, "I was robbed at gunpoint once in an alley. I got over it. Get over it."</p><p></p><p>I would never dream of telling him to "get over" being robbed. </p><p></p><p>In addition, how do you compare that to a mother who is supposed to nurture and care for you and does just the opposite, for 20 years? He went home to his mother after being robbed and she was the best mom in the whole world. We both still miss her.</p><p></p><p>He sticks his head in the sand with-our difficult child. It's the way he was raised. But I have seen him change a bit because I have insisted on it. I just wish the changes would stick.</p><p></p><p>It's for all of us, not just for me. But yes, I can and have explored some of these issues with-husband. </p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 84619, member: 3419"] Thank you, all. I did invite husband to go to counseling with-me. Just thought I'd clarify that. But I just invited him this weekend, after I'd gone several times to pursue avenues he wouldn't "get" or which did not necessarily relate directly to difficult child. Yes, you are correct on many points. We did go to counseling, for a couple of yrs. This was b4 difficult child came to us. Our issues were in regard to our marriage, intimacy issues, just spending time together and being alone. husband doesn't like to be alone. The bigger the group, the better. Whenever we had problems, he always said I was stressed from work, or that I wasn't getting enough sleep. Now it's difficult child. It's always something else or someone else. Never us. He always avoided discussing us. If he asked me my goals in life, for example, and I'd think we were talking about dreams and fantasies, I'd name off some things, and he'd say they weren't specific enough and he'd turn it into a biz discussion. We're always on diff wavelengths. Does this help explain things? He does try to "fix" things. A very "guy" thing to do. In regard to his not getting it, up until a few yrs ago, I'd freak at a couple things he did that reminded me of my mother. Possible PTSD. He said, "I was robbed at gunpoint once in an alley. I got over it. Get over it." I would never dream of telling him to "get over" being robbed. In addition, how do you compare that to a mother who is supposed to nurture and care for you and does just the opposite, for 20 years? He went home to his mother after being robbed and she was the best mom in the whole world. We both still miss her. He sticks his head in the sand with-our difficult child. It's the way he was raised. But I have seen him change a bit because I have insisted on it. I just wish the changes would stick. It's for all of us, not just for me. But yes, I can and have explored some of these issues with-husband. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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