Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
husband shoved difficult child 1
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 597897" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>For me this would be a deal breaker. One of the very very few issues that I would flat out walk out over, regardless of if we had to live in the car. Though I woudl kick my husband out and nto walk away with all the kids. My husband isn't the type to react that way because that is one thng I had to have after lifewith my bro.</p><p></p><p>Call a DV hotline and get set up for help. Your husband DOES have special needs and DOES need help. DV has programs designed to teach men how to NOT react like this and to NOT treat people this way. Tell husband that he either goes and participates fully or he leaves and leaves the money wth you. Judges do NOT like men who hit kids, esp when they KNOW that a child has been abused before even if it cannot be 100% proven. You husband will lose BIG in a divorce, because aspies do NOT do well in court. I have seen it first hand. The DV people can set you up with therapy, group and indiv, sp needs help for husband (may take a while, but usually when they see he isn't 'getting it', they will do mroe to help), and they will provide the help that you and the kids esp difficult child 1 need.</p><p></p><p>Whether husband agrees or not, everyone has to give now and then. This NEEDS to be a deal breaker. Tell him he can go to get help, or you can call CPS and report him. what he did is a FELONY in some states and that is NOT something that is going to be fun for him.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1's reaction is due to his past abuse plus his own special needs. husband's reaction is WRONG and if you let this go it will get vastly worse. VASTLY.</p><p></p><p>You do NOT want to send difficult child 1 the message that it is okay for husband to abuse him. That message, after hsi father's abuse, will destroy him. It could ruin the rest of his life. As his mom, it is YOUR JOB to stop this. If you cannot find the strength to call a DV hotline for help, PM the info to me and I will do it for you. Or go to a pay phone and put a call to CPS that husband ushed/punched your difficult child 1 for no reason and the other 2 kids saw it. MANY states will add charges for having the other kids see the violence. That is abuse of them because it shows them that abuse is normal/okay, which is wrong and abusive to them. </p><p></p><p>We each get a few moments when our actions will dramatically change the rest of our lives, and those of our kids. This is yours and your kids, esp difficult child 1's. If you condone this, act like it didn't happen, sweep it under the rug, allow husband to not have to change or lose you, allow husband to treat difficult child 1 like this, the rest of difficult child 1's life will change for the worst. husband's behavior will become more violent and abusive each time he is annoyed/upset/irritated/unecstatic. difficult child 1 will believe it is what he deserves and he will seek out abuse and escape for years to come, the other kids will think it is okay to treat difficult child 1 like that, and you will feel trapped, helpless and terrified for a long long time.</p><p></p><p>How do I know? My dad is aspie and was abusive to my older bro for a period of time. with zero support from her parents, knowing her mother in law would take her husband and her kids into her home no questions, my mom told my dad it was get help or get out. It was the 70's and people did NOT see tdocs for any reason. Not where we lived. they saw a therapist who was an hour away so no one would know. I was told they were taking a class. At one point I was told it wass a gun safety class. My mom could not support us. If dad left, we would have been in a major hurt. He HATED the entire process of seeing the therapist. But he changed, he stopped being physically violent with my brother, learned to handle his koi and not take it out on us.</p><p></p><p>I do NOT know what will happen if you confront your husband. I DO know if you don't it iwll harm you, your difficult child 1, your husband, and ALL of the other kids if you don't. difficult child 1 needs help, and so do the rest of you ESP husband. It doesn't matter if he hates it. If he pretends to ignore the therapist/group/etc.... My dad did. But he changed anyway, even though he didn't want to. And about 2 yrs later his mom told him that if he drove away the best thing that happened to him, she was going to take in my mom and us kids, NOT him and us kids. SHe saw how much things were improving and learned that she could say that and he would listen and not hate her. </p><p></p><p>I hoep you can do what you need to. Regardless of if husband likes it or not, he needs help. He needs a clear mesage that you do NOT treat a child that way. No. Matter. What. (after all, how would he feel if your ex did that to difficult child 1? Or one of the other kids?))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 597897, member: 1233"] For me this would be a deal breaker. One of the very very few issues that I would flat out walk out over, regardless of if we had to live in the car. Though I woudl kick my husband out and nto walk away with all the kids. My husband isn't the type to react that way because that is one thng I had to have after lifewith my bro. Call a DV hotline and get set up for help. Your husband DOES have special needs and DOES need help. DV has programs designed to teach men how to NOT react like this and to NOT treat people this way. Tell husband that he either goes and participates fully or he leaves and leaves the money wth you. Judges do NOT like men who hit kids, esp when they KNOW that a child has been abused before even if it cannot be 100% proven. You husband will lose BIG in a divorce, because aspies do NOT do well in court. I have seen it first hand. The DV people can set you up with therapy, group and indiv, sp needs help for husband (may take a while, but usually when they see he isn't 'getting it', they will do mroe to help), and they will provide the help that you and the kids esp difficult child 1 need. Whether husband agrees or not, everyone has to give now and then. This NEEDS to be a deal breaker. Tell him he can go to get help, or you can call CPS and report him. what he did is a FELONY in some states and that is NOT something that is going to be fun for him. difficult child 1's reaction is due to his past abuse plus his own special needs. husband's reaction is WRONG and if you let this go it will get vastly worse. VASTLY. You do NOT want to send difficult child 1 the message that it is okay for husband to abuse him. That message, after hsi father's abuse, will destroy him. It could ruin the rest of his life. As his mom, it is YOUR JOB to stop this. If you cannot find the strength to call a DV hotline for help, PM the info to me and I will do it for you. Or go to a pay phone and put a call to CPS that husband ushed/punched your difficult child 1 for no reason and the other 2 kids saw it. MANY states will add charges for having the other kids see the violence. That is abuse of them because it shows them that abuse is normal/okay, which is wrong and abusive to them. We each get a few moments when our actions will dramatically change the rest of our lives, and those of our kids. This is yours and your kids, esp difficult child 1's. If you condone this, act like it didn't happen, sweep it under the rug, allow husband to not have to change or lose you, allow husband to treat difficult child 1 like this, the rest of difficult child 1's life will change for the worst. husband's behavior will become more violent and abusive each time he is annoyed/upset/irritated/unecstatic. difficult child 1 will believe it is what he deserves and he will seek out abuse and escape for years to come, the other kids will think it is okay to treat difficult child 1 like that, and you will feel trapped, helpless and terrified for a long long time. How do I know? My dad is aspie and was abusive to my older bro for a period of time. with zero support from her parents, knowing her mother in law would take her husband and her kids into her home no questions, my mom told my dad it was get help or get out. It was the 70's and people did NOT see tdocs for any reason. Not where we lived. they saw a therapist who was an hour away so no one would know. I was told they were taking a class. At one point I was told it wass a gun safety class. My mom could not support us. If dad left, we would have been in a major hurt. He HATED the entire process of seeing the therapist. But he changed, he stopped being physically violent with my brother, learned to handle his koi and not take it out on us. I do NOT know what will happen if you confront your husband. I DO know if you don't it iwll harm you, your difficult child 1, your husband, and ALL of the other kids if you don't. difficult child 1 needs help, and so do the rest of you ESP husband. It doesn't matter if he hates it. If he pretends to ignore the therapist/group/etc.... My dad did. But he changed anyway, even though he didn't want to. And about 2 yrs later his mom told him that if he drove away the best thing that happened to him, she was going to take in my mom and us kids, NOT him and us kids. SHe saw how much things were improving and learned that she could say that and he would listen and not hate her. I hoep you can do what you need to. Regardless of if husband likes it or not, he needs help. He needs a clear mesage that you do NOT treat a child that way. No. Matter. What. (after all, how would he feel if your ex did that to difficult child 1? Or one of the other kids?)) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
husband shoved difficult child 1
Top