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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 457373" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Lisa, I have more recipes if you want.</p><p></p><p>As for him staying longer - we had this problem when mother in law was in hospital (the last three or four times). She was being really difficult, misbehaving, sulking and downright lying to us about what she was being told. Actually, I think she was telling us what she herself wanted to hear. "I'm coming home tomorrow."</p><p></p><p>We learned to check with the nursing staff independently and also tell them stuff they needed to know (such as what she was telling us). We also got the hospital Occupational Therapist (OT) involved and the Occupational Therapist (OT) had told us, she would not be permitted to come home until certain modifications were in place. mother in law was NOT happy about that and refused to acknowledge she had been told this. We did have trouble getting hold of the Occupational Therapist (OT), and as for the doctor - almost impossible! We had to rely on nursing staff and it was like a game of chinese whispers at times. And yes, sometimes the nurses would say, "She's going home tomorrow," but when we double-checked, they had got the information from mother in law and not the doctor! mother in law was so convincing, she made the nurses believe this was what the doctors had told her and they failed to check the charts before quoting her.</p><p></p><p>We went through this for a fortnight - she was saying every day, "I'm going home tomorrow," and refusing to accept it would not happen. She had to learn to use a walking frame, she had to have a range of tests, she had to be stable and the modifications had to be at least organised. Then the Occupational Therapist (OT) arranged for a home visit - mother in law would come too, but have to go back to the hospital afterwards. mother in law did not want to hear that bit, so she kept saying, "I'm coming home today."</p><p>I met them at the house and observed mother in law's behaviour. A real worry. easy child happened to be with us at the time and also observed. The Occupational Therapist (OT) was very firm, said that if mother in law did not consent to these changes, she would have to go to a nursing home. mother in law poked her tongue out at her! Not in jest, either.</p><p></p><p>So we walked through the house, mother in law showed how she gets in and out of the shower, how she managed the toilet, how she gets herself to the outside laundry, and the Occupational Therapist (OT) clucked her tongue in concern and made a list of changes.</p><p></p><p>It was another day after this when mother in law was allowed home. The modifications were organised. But as soon as she could, mother in law cancelled as many of them as she could. And now - we're having to put more in. And she keeps cancelling some of them. Slowly we're getting there though. It's two years later and the shower has not been fully modified. She's had another fall and is much more frail.</p><p></p><p>mother in law is a very intelligent woman, but increasingly does not handle change well. She is terrified of getting old and frail (welcome to reality!) and uses denial as a coping skill. husband & I now spend every evening with her, most of the time I cook dinner. I enjoy cooking so it's no hardship for me. mother in law as a heart patient, has to eat a healthy diet. But as a frail old lady who is losing weight (she actually has been told her blood tests show malnutrition) we need to push the calories in. But old habits die hard - she insists on following a healthy heart diet and avoiding eating too much in case she gets fat. She told me a couple of days ago that she is having to watch her weight, she is getting fat. When I challenged her on this (her wrists are barely thicker than my thumbs) she admitted she hadn't weighed herself lately. AARGH!</p><p></p><p>So whatever you hear about what is happening - do not take what he says at face value. Instead, make up your own list of questions and give the list to the nurses to ask the doctor for you. he may not have time to call you back, but whatever he writes down for the nurses, hopefully they will pass on to you.</p><p></p><p>We learned to really rely on the nursing staff for information, for feedback to/from the doctors, for access to ancillary staff who were actually the better practical supports we needed.</p><p></p><p>I do think you need a hospital Occupational Therapist (OT) or other care worker to liaise with you about his changed needs for when he comes home. Your being a nurse is a help, but they need to come to your place and assess how much needs to be changed to meet his needs. This takes time and he cannot come home tomorrow until this has been done. Ideally. But you might need to call and hurry things along. In the meantime, his arrhythmia needs to be fixed and seen to stay fixed. A cardioversion is the way to go, but they need to know the rhythm will stay stable. With the damage to his ventricles, the neural pathway has now been changed and this can mean that heart contraction (which normally washes across the heart in a depolarisation wave, followed by repolarisation after a small refractory period) takes so long to finally work its way around, that an interference can set up and the heart kick back out of normal rhythm. There are possibly more conservative ways for this to be managed (without a pacemaker, if surgery is contraindicated) but they will need to observe him for at least a few hours, preferably longer, after the cardioversion, to make sure his heart stays in good rhythm.</p><p></p><p>mother in law's heart every so often goes into AF and then we call the ambulance. Last time it went into AF, it was coming up for Christmas and she did not tell us until 27th December. We'd had the kids staying, and she did not want to miss out on time with her grandkids. So she put up with AF quietly for about four days and still insisted on coming shopping with us. We let her come shopping, but only on condition she would let the hospital see her after the shopping trip (when the last of her grandkids would also be leaving us from the mall to head home). The effort of shopping told on her and she became a lot more willing to go to hospital.</p><p></p><p>mother in law's bad behaviour is mainly reserved for hospital. She is actually a lovely lady, but very stubborn at times. Very anxious too and increasingly, I see Aspie signs. We always thought the Asperger's came from husband's dad (as well as some from my side of the family), but sometimes I wonder.</p><p></p><p>Lisa, hang in there. Get your information from other sources, take notes, leave notes for the doctors and ask the nurses to fill in the blanks for you. Cultivate them - you must remember what works! And if your husband gets upset with you talking to the nursing staff, remind him that you know he has a hearing problem and you are simply making sure you get all the little bits of info he may have missed.</p><p></p><p>Also sort out PoA stuff. You are going to need it, it will simplify matters. Several years ago husband sorted this out with his mother.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 457373, member: 1991"] Lisa, I have more recipes if you want. As for him staying longer - we had this problem when mother in law was in hospital (the last three or four times). She was being really difficult, misbehaving, sulking and downright lying to us about what she was being told. Actually, I think she was telling us what she herself wanted to hear. "I'm coming home tomorrow." We learned to check with the nursing staff independently and also tell them stuff they needed to know (such as what she was telling us). We also got the hospital Occupational Therapist (OT) involved and the Occupational Therapist (OT) had told us, she would not be permitted to come home until certain modifications were in place. mother in law was NOT happy about that and refused to acknowledge she had been told this. We did have trouble getting hold of the Occupational Therapist (OT), and as for the doctor - almost impossible! We had to rely on nursing staff and it was like a game of chinese whispers at times. And yes, sometimes the nurses would say, "She's going home tomorrow," but when we double-checked, they had got the information from mother in law and not the doctor! mother in law was so convincing, she made the nurses believe this was what the doctors had told her and they failed to check the charts before quoting her. We went through this for a fortnight - she was saying every day, "I'm going home tomorrow," and refusing to accept it would not happen. She had to learn to use a walking frame, she had to have a range of tests, she had to be stable and the modifications had to be at least organised. Then the Occupational Therapist (OT) arranged for a home visit - mother in law would come too, but have to go back to the hospital afterwards. mother in law did not want to hear that bit, so she kept saying, "I'm coming home today." I met them at the house and observed mother in law's behaviour. A real worry. easy child happened to be with us at the time and also observed. The Occupational Therapist (OT) was very firm, said that if mother in law did not consent to these changes, she would have to go to a nursing home. mother in law poked her tongue out at her! Not in jest, either. So we walked through the house, mother in law showed how she gets in and out of the shower, how she managed the toilet, how she gets herself to the outside laundry, and the Occupational Therapist (OT) clucked her tongue in concern and made a list of changes. It was another day after this when mother in law was allowed home. The modifications were organised. But as soon as she could, mother in law cancelled as many of them as she could. And now - we're having to put more in. And she keeps cancelling some of them. Slowly we're getting there though. It's two years later and the shower has not been fully modified. She's had another fall and is much more frail. mother in law is a very intelligent woman, but increasingly does not handle change well. She is terrified of getting old and frail (welcome to reality!) and uses denial as a coping skill. husband & I now spend every evening with her, most of the time I cook dinner. I enjoy cooking so it's no hardship for me. mother in law as a heart patient, has to eat a healthy diet. But as a frail old lady who is losing weight (she actually has been told her blood tests show malnutrition) we need to push the calories in. But old habits die hard - she insists on following a healthy heart diet and avoiding eating too much in case she gets fat. She told me a couple of days ago that she is having to watch her weight, she is getting fat. When I challenged her on this (her wrists are barely thicker than my thumbs) she admitted she hadn't weighed herself lately. AARGH! So whatever you hear about what is happening - do not take what he says at face value. Instead, make up your own list of questions and give the list to the nurses to ask the doctor for you. he may not have time to call you back, but whatever he writes down for the nurses, hopefully they will pass on to you. We learned to really rely on the nursing staff for information, for feedback to/from the doctors, for access to ancillary staff who were actually the better practical supports we needed. I do think you need a hospital Occupational Therapist (OT) or other care worker to liaise with you about his changed needs for when he comes home. Your being a nurse is a help, but they need to come to your place and assess how much needs to be changed to meet his needs. This takes time and he cannot come home tomorrow until this has been done. Ideally. But you might need to call and hurry things along. In the meantime, his arrhythmia needs to be fixed and seen to stay fixed. A cardioversion is the way to go, but they need to know the rhythm will stay stable. With the damage to his ventricles, the neural pathway has now been changed and this can mean that heart contraction (which normally washes across the heart in a depolarisation wave, followed by repolarisation after a small refractory period) takes so long to finally work its way around, that an interference can set up and the heart kick back out of normal rhythm. There are possibly more conservative ways for this to be managed (without a pacemaker, if surgery is contraindicated) but they will need to observe him for at least a few hours, preferably longer, after the cardioversion, to make sure his heart stays in good rhythm. mother in law's heart every so often goes into AF and then we call the ambulance. Last time it went into AF, it was coming up for Christmas and she did not tell us until 27th December. We'd had the kids staying, and she did not want to miss out on time with her grandkids. So she put up with AF quietly for about four days and still insisted on coming shopping with us. We let her come shopping, but only on condition she would let the hospital see her after the shopping trip (when the last of her grandkids would also be leaving us from the mall to head home). The effort of shopping told on her and she became a lot more willing to go to hospital. mother in law's bad behaviour is mainly reserved for hospital. She is actually a lovely lady, but very stubborn at times. Very anxious too and increasingly, I see Aspie signs. We always thought the Asperger's came from husband's dad (as well as some from my side of the family), but sometimes I wonder. Lisa, hang in there. Get your information from other sources, take notes, leave notes for the doctors and ask the nurses to fill in the blanks for you. Cultivate them - you must remember what works! And if your husband gets upset with you talking to the nursing staff, remind him that you know he has a hearing problem and you are simply making sure you get all the little bits of info he may have missed. Also sort out PoA stuff. You are going to need it, it will simplify matters. Several years ago husband sorted this out with his mother. Marg [/QUOTE]
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