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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752673" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I almost laughed out loud. He does have a sense of humor.</p><p></p><p>This is entirely ridiculous. Family support is a two-way street. It's not forcing parents to the poorhouse and using up their retirement.</p><p></p><p>Triedandtrue. Do you feel guilty that you've stopped the gravy train? If so, why?</p><p></p><p>This is an able bodied grown man who is living badly. He is not a child. This is a lifestyle. What can you do to change somebody who wants to live this way? Once all of your money and your health are gone, your son will find a way...I don't think you're really helping him by helping him to continue living this way. The same way I don't help my own son who is now 31 when I help him to live badly.</p><p></p><p>I read or heard somewhere that enabling is doing something for somebody that they can and should do for themselves. Your son can and should be able to support himself, live independently, get around, pay his bills, etc. without his Mom.</p><p></p><p>If he is living in an area without public transportation, he can move or get a motorcycle or a bike. If it's snowing and that's unsafe he can carpool. He could decide to go to Alaska and work in the fisheries and save $60,000 in a summer, and buy a house for cash in lots of states.</p><p></p><p>Our sons don't want to. They prefer that their Moms do it for them. (I always wanted to go work in Alaska. Alas, I am now too old. But I can still go visit.)</p><p></p><p>I am responding to say Hi. And to tell you, I am dealing with the same thing. You already know everything I have written. You don't need me to tell you. I'm just backing you up. I'm glad you checked in.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752673, member: 18958"] I almost laughed out loud. He does have a sense of humor. This is entirely ridiculous. Family support is a two-way street. It's not forcing parents to the poorhouse and using up their retirement. Triedandtrue. Do you feel guilty that you've stopped the gravy train? If so, why? This is an able bodied grown man who is living badly. He is not a child. This is a lifestyle. What can you do to change somebody who wants to live this way? Once all of your money and your health are gone, your son will find a way...I don't think you're really helping him by helping him to continue living this way. The same way I don't help my own son who is now 31 when I help him to live badly. I read or heard somewhere that enabling is doing something for somebody that they can and should do for themselves. Your son can and should be able to support himself, live independently, get around, pay his bills, etc. without his Mom. If he is living in an area without public transportation, he can move or get a motorcycle or a bike. If it's snowing and that's unsafe he can carpool. He could decide to go to Alaska and work in the fisheries and save $60,000 in a summer, and buy a house for cash in lots of states. Our sons don't want to. They prefer that their Moms do it for them. (I always wanted to go work in Alaska. Alas, I am now too old. But I can still go visit.) I am responding to say Hi. And to tell you, I am dealing with the same thing. You already know everything I have written. You don't need me to tell you. I'm just backing you up. I'm glad you checked in. [/QUOTE]
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