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I am irreparably damaged
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 284297" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Oh, sweetie, I can feel the pain and agony coming through in your words. It is so hard when you feel so terribly broken inside. </p><p></p><p>I know the feelings you are describing very well. I wish I could point you to some magic cure but I can't. Time is the only thing that will really help. Taking a break from therapy in the traditional sense may be exactly what you need. Do you have a pet that helps? If not, would you be open to getting one? There is very little like a dog or cat or horse to help us heal.</p><p></p><p>I can remember how scared and terrified i was of males as a teen. My dad and gfgbro fought so much, and gfgbro was so abusive when no one else was around, that I froze up inside.</p><p></p><p>Then our cat ran away. Friends gave me a wonderful gray cat named Squish (for the kneading she did with her paws). She spent so many hours in my arms up close to me while I cried or shook in fear and pain. Without her I would have killed myself before I finished high school. Not joking about it.</p><p></p><p>Even with-o formal training to be a therapy pet, our furbabies are such a wonderful source of healing and connection. If you don't have one, or one that will snuggle/cuddle with you, then you might consider getting one. It can't be more expensive than weekly therapy sessions.</p><p></p><p>Continue to journal your feelings as you can. Even writing letters you never send can help.</p><p></p><p>It has all been so recent and so traumatic for you. Having Matt with you after such a terrifying period of time is bound to cause panic attacks and major PTSD. Be very gentle with yourself. think of yourself as a very delicate Faberge egg. You are that valuable (even more than that actually) and even more fragile. Treat yourself with the kind of true respect and gentleness that you would treat a newborn child. You are that special, that precious, and right now that fragile.</p><p></p><p>Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. And to express it. I can remember giving myself 30 minutes to cry every few days. I hate to cry, but I was so broken that I needed it. I would hole up and sob. Letting it out made me see that it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. </p><p></p><p>Please know that if you ignore everything I said but know that I care - it is fine. As long as you remember I truly care, as do many others here, you can ignore all the things we tell you. Take what can help and ignore us on the rest.</p><p></p><p>I hope the xanax can help you, same with the other medications. Be careful with the wine, but you already know that. </p><p></p><p>Love you big bunches! Tell Matt I am glad he is doing better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 284297, member: 1233"] Oh, sweetie, I can feel the pain and agony coming through in your words. It is so hard when you feel so terribly broken inside. I know the feelings you are describing very well. I wish I could point you to some magic cure but I can't. Time is the only thing that will really help. Taking a break from therapy in the traditional sense may be exactly what you need. Do you have a pet that helps? If not, would you be open to getting one? There is very little like a dog or cat or horse to help us heal. I can remember how scared and terrified i was of males as a teen. My dad and gfgbro fought so much, and gfgbro was so abusive when no one else was around, that I froze up inside. Then our cat ran away. Friends gave me a wonderful gray cat named Squish (for the kneading she did with her paws). She spent so many hours in my arms up close to me while I cried or shook in fear and pain. Without her I would have killed myself before I finished high school. Not joking about it. Even with-o formal training to be a therapy pet, our furbabies are such a wonderful source of healing and connection. If you don't have one, or one that will snuggle/cuddle with you, then you might consider getting one. It can't be more expensive than weekly therapy sessions. Continue to journal your feelings as you can. Even writing letters you never send can help. It has all been so recent and so traumatic for you. Having Matt with you after such a terrifying period of time is bound to cause panic attacks and major PTSD. Be very gentle with yourself. think of yourself as a very delicate Faberge egg. You are that valuable (even more than that actually) and even more fragile. Treat yourself with the kind of true respect and gentleness that you would treat a newborn child. You are that special, that precious, and right now that fragile. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. And to express it. I can remember giving myself 30 minutes to cry every few days. I hate to cry, but I was so broken that I needed it. I would hole up and sob. Letting it out made me see that it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Please know that if you ignore everything I said but know that I care - it is fine. As long as you remember I truly care, as do many others here, you can ignore all the things we tell you. Take what can help and ignore us on the rest. I hope the xanax can help you, same with the other medications. Be careful with the wine, but you already know that. Love you big bunches! Tell Matt I am glad he is doing better. [/QUOTE]
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