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I am irreparably damaged
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 284328"><p>I am so very sorry. To a certain extent, not exactly the same, but there is certainly a thread of familiarity, I have felt your pain. I was badly abused by my father and have experienced many losses during my lifetime including the early and gruesome death of my beloved mother. I almost died giving birth to my son and so I adopted a daughter, and ended up with a difficult child child who has bipolar illness. I also experienced a very difficult loss in my love life, which involved his cheating...it made me feel like dirt.</p><p>HOWEVER, there is light at the end of this tunnel. It took a LONG time and I still struggle, but today, it's a different world for me. </p><p> </p><p>For one thing...right off the top...who is to say exactly why this person didn't call you back. Sure, it's possible he didn't have a strong interest in you. However, it's also possible that something is going on in HIS life. Something that has NOTHING to do with you AT ALL. And, if he is not interested all that much in you, SO WHAT? Look at the grains in of sand at the ocean. That's how many men are out there. Just get your shovel and pick up another batch. </p><p> </p><p>Therapy, good books, tapes and action (hard work), has made all the difference in the world for me.</p><p> </p><p>I agree with the others, each of us (you toooooo) deserves to feel joy in this world. Sure, sometimes life hands us hardships, but deep down in your core, you need to know your inner value.</p><p> </p><p>To a large extent...you DO have to accept certain things. For example, that your son has a diagnosis. "It is what it is." Get him some help, but since he is 18...it is time to step back.</p><p> </p><p>Develop meaningful friendships elsewhere. Good friends, other relatives...go exploring. </p><p> </p><p>Counseling....I went through two or three, before I found one that I really liked. AND husband and I have seen off and on again a therapist, even though we get along very well. Why? "cause we knew raising a difficult child was sooooo very difficult. Therapy has helped us sooooo much.</p><p> </p><p>Also, although I have not tried it myself, I have a friend who did EMDR therapy...and it worked wonders for him.</p><p> </p><p>Go to the library...check out books on self esteem...honestly, it is so helpful. </p><p> </p><p>If you are not taking care of your body, please do so as best as you are able. Eat healthfully (at least more often than not), get in some exercise, at least take a multi vitamin. Just do the basics. For a LOOOONG time, I only went to the gym Tues and Thurs. Those were my exercise days, come hexx or high water. AND guess what? It really helped me. Helped me lose weight, helped to boost my self esteem, helped me get healthier both physically and emotionally. Just two hours a week....wow!</p><p> </p><p>Put one foot in front of the other....</p><p>Consider going back to therapy. Consider a little exercise. Consider going to the library/amazon/book store and getting a book on self esteem. I also like the idea of journaling. Stay involved with people...especially people who have your best interest at heart...who make you want to SMILE!</p><p> </p><p>Also...husband and I have gone to a few Family Anonymous Meetings and have found them to be very helpful. Read the Serenity Prayer. It is not easy, but life gets better when you accept certain things and trust that certain things are out of your hand.</p><p> </p><p>Wishing you well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 284328"] I am so very sorry. To a certain extent, not exactly the same, but there is certainly a thread of familiarity, I have felt your pain. I was badly abused by my father and have experienced many losses during my lifetime including the early and gruesome death of my beloved mother. I almost died giving birth to my son and so I adopted a daughter, and ended up with a difficult child child who has bipolar illness. I also experienced a very difficult loss in my love life, which involved his cheating...it made me feel like dirt. HOWEVER, there is light at the end of this tunnel. It took a LONG time and I still struggle, but today, it's a different world for me. For one thing...right off the top...who is to say exactly why this person didn't call you back. Sure, it's possible he didn't have a strong interest in you. However, it's also possible that something is going on in HIS life. Something that has NOTHING to do with you AT ALL. And, if he is not interested all that much in you, SO WHAT? Look at the grains in of sand at the ocean. That's how many men are out there. Just get your shovel and pick up another batch. Therapy, good books, tapes and action (hard work), has made all the difference in the world for me. I agree with the others, each of us (you toooooo) deserves to feel joy in this world. Sure, sometimes life hands us hardships, but deep down in your core, you need to know your inner value. To a large extent...you DO have to accept certain things. For example, that your son has a diagnosis. "It is what it is." Get him some help, but since he is 18...it is time to step back. Develop meaningful friendships elsewhere. Good friends, other relatives...go exploring. Counseling....I went through two or three, before I found one that I really liked. AND husband and I have seen off and on again a therapist, even though we get along very well. Why? "cause we knew raising a difficult child was sooooo very difficult. Therapy has helped us sooooo much. Also, although I have not tried it myself, I have a friend who did EMDR therapy...and it worked wonders for him. Go to the library...check out books on self esteem...honestly, it is so helpful. If you are not taking care of your body, please do so as best as you are able. Eat healthfully (at least more often than not), get in some exercise, at least take a multi vitamin. Just do the basics. For a LOOOONG time, I only went to the gym Tues and Thurs. Those were my exercise days, come hexx or high water. AND guess what? It really helped me. Helped me lose weight, helped to boost my self esteem, helped me get healthier both physically and emotionally. Just two hours a week....wow! Put one foot in front of the other.... Consider going back to therapy. Consider a little exercise. Consider going to the library/amazon/book store and getting a book on self esteem. I also like the idea of journaling. Stay involved with people...especially people who have your best interest at heart...who make you want to SMILE! Also...husband and I have gone to a few Family Anonymous Meetings and have found them to be very helpful. Read the Serenity Prayer. It is not easy, but life gets better when you accept certain things and trust that certain things are out of your hand. Wishing you well. [/QUOTE]
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