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I am irreparably damaged
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<blockquote data-quote="nvts" data-source="post: 284421" data-attributes="member: 3814"><p>Steely! I wanted to answer before I went to bed (it's been a tough couple of months) so I'm sorry if this seems scattered.</p><p> </p><p>STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!</p><p> </p><p>You've been running on full tilt for 18+ years. All of a sudden, it slows down and you don't know what to do.</p><p> </p><p>You've got ptsd from Matty and now you're having some "I love him so much, so why do I cringe when I see him" thoughts. NATURAL!</p><p> </p><p>Your sister was stolen from you. There are no clear answers so you feel sad, depressed and lonely. NATURAL!</p><p> </p><p>You've been running like a nut, finally meet a nice guy that doesn't call you back - WTH? So now you're feeling like you're never going to put yourself out there again. NATURAL!!!</p><p> </p><p>First: give yourself some time to experience your feelings. You haven't had that opportunity in 18+ years. You've always been in "reactive" mode. For the first time, you can actually sit back and "feel". Consider it a minor case of arrested development. Most grown-ups get to still learn & process feelings, but you've been putting these feelings away in forever and a day!</p><p> </p><p>Second: I can see where H was your sister, your best friend and confidant and always there. But (and I'm not criticizing!) sometimes when we choose a sister or brother to be our best friends, we forget how to develope trusting relationship with others. Go slow. Meet a friend. Join some type of social group that brings in your interests. You'll make a bond with someone with the same interests.</p><p> </p><p>Third: The problem with e-mail relationships is that we can create this person and present it to others without ever meeting them. Then when we do, it's too hard to "stay the same". Bottom line: You need to meet these guys, no matter how nice they seem to be, as potential friends. No more no less.</p><p> </p><p>Relax, it'll all come into focus!!!</p><p> </p><p>Beth</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nvts, post: 284421, member: 3814"] Steely! I wanted to answer before I went to bed (it's been a tough couple of months) so I'm sorry if this seems scattered. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! You've been running on full tilt for 18+ years. All of a sudden, it slows down and you don't know what to do. You've got ptsd from Matty and now you're having some "I love him so much, so why do I cringe when I see him" thoughts. NATURAL! Your sister was stolen from you. There are no clear answers so you feel sad, depressed and lonely. NATURAL! You've been running like a nut, finally meet a nice guy that doesn't call you back - WTH? So now you're feeling like you're never going to put yourself out there again. NATURAL!!! First: give yourself some time to experience your feelings. You haven't had that opportunity in 18+ years. You've always been in "reactive" mode. For the first time, you can actually sit back and "feel". Consider it a minor case of arrested development. Most grown-ups get to still learn & process feelings, but you've been putting these feelings away in forever and a day! Second: I can see where H was your sister, your best friend and confidant and always there. But (and I'm not criticizing!) sometimes when we choose a sister or brother to be our best friends, we forget how to develope trusting relationship with others. Go slow. Meet a friend. Join some type of social group that brings in your interests. You'll make a bond with someone with the same interests. Third: The problem with e-mail relationships is that we can create this person and present it to others without ever meeting them. Then when we do, it's too hard to "stay the same". Bottom line: You need to meet these guys, no matter how nice they seem to be, as potential friends. No more no less. Relax, it'll all come into focus!!! Beth [/QUOTE]
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