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I am irreparably damaged
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 284539" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Steely, </p><p> </p><p>ANother thing that came to mind when I was thinking about you last night was what my therapist told me about 2 months AFTER Dude had left at age 16 for that group home. ALL OF A SUDDEN......I had NO stress. </p><p> </p><p>I thought and said "Well HOW can having NO stress be a bad thing?" and the doctor said that when you live in a perpetual state of chaos then have none? Your body will CREATE chaos. Which I found absolutely absurd. Create chaos? Why would you do that? Why would you dredge up things that were past? WHY would any sane person not LOVE peace? </p><p> </p><p>And he told me that our bodies get so used to the stress/chaos/struggle it becomes very much like a drug in as much as we start to crave the chaos. Without it we feel empty - like things in our life have stopped that we're no longer necessary - and everyone needs to be needed. </p><p> </p><p>I thought it was a weird statement to make but we started doing exercises to make me aware of things that I was doing to myself sort of a self-sabotage if you will - and it was almost too odd for words. I didn't even KNOW I was doing it. Once I learned the signs of doing it? I was able to stop, and redirect my thoughts to more pleasant things. </p><p> </p><p>This is what the beauty of EMDR therapy can do. I know you're probably sitting there going "I told you don't suggest therapy I'm done." and if you are fine, but this is the only way I know to help when someone said "I don't feel fixable." I agree with Busywend that it takes a LOT for someone to know and be as insightful as you - but you also have to leave the door open for healing. If you don't then in a way you are saying "I need X, but it can't be this, this or this." Don't ever narrow your options for healing. </p><p> </p><p>And you know what else......for all the quacks and quackers I saw over the years it made me furious that people who told their college "I want to help people get well in their mind." were chewing gum, staring at their text messages on their cell phones, looking out the window, doodling on a note pad - making notes about their own life when I was irreparably damaged. I wanted them to DO SOMETHING....I was there, I was trying I was giving it my all to get better for myself, my life, my child....my relationships and here they were getting paid - and not paying attention. Heck if that's what I wanted I would have stayed married. Know what I mean?? </p><p> </p><p>So don't discount the entire carton of eggs just for a few bad ones. I finally got lucky and found a doctor that really cared if I got better mentally. Some times it only takes one person to say I really care that you get better mentally - and mean it, but YOU have to care too. IN caring you should allow yourself all the options that are available. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 284539, member: 4964"] Steely, ANother thing that came to mind when I was thinking about you last night was what my therapist told me about 2 months AFTER Dude had left at age 16 for that group home. ALL OF A SUDDEN......I had NO stress. I thought and said "Well HOW can having NO stress be a bad thing?" and the doctor said that when you live in a perpetual state of chaos then have none? Your body will CREATE chaos. Which I found absolutely absurd. Create chaos? Why would you do that? Why would you dredge up things that were past? WHY would any sane person not LOVE peace? And he told me that our bodies get so used to the stress/chaos/struggle it becomes very much like a drug in as much as we start to crave the chaos. Without it we feel empty - like things in our life have stopped that we're no longer necessary - and everyone needs to be needed. I thought it was a weird statement to make but we started doing exercises to make me aware of things that I was doing to myself sort of a self-sabotage if you will - and it was almost too odd for words. I didn't even KNOW I was doing it. Once I learned the signs of doing it? I was able to stop, and redirect my thoughts to more pleasant things. This is what the beauty of EMDR therapy can do. I know you're probably sitting there going "I told you don't suggest therapy I'm done." and if you are fine, but this is the only way I know to help when someone said "I don't feel fixable." I agree with Busywend that it takes a LOT for someone to know and be as insightful as you - but you also have to leave the door open for healing. If you don't then in a way you are saying "I need X, but it can't be this, this or this." Don't ever narrow your options for healing. And you know what else......for all the quacks and quackers I saw over the years it made me furious that people who told their college "I want to help people get well in their mind." were chewing gum, staring at their text messages on their cell phones, looking out the window, doodling on a note pad - making notes about their own life when I was irreparably damaged. I wanted them to DO SOMETHING....I was there, I was trying I was giving it my all to get better for myself, my life, my child....my relationships and here they were getting paid - and not paying attention. Heck if that's what I wanted I would have stayed married. Know what I mean?? So don't discount the entire carton of eggs just for a few bad ones. I finally got lucky and found a doctor that really cared if I got better mentally. Some times it only takes one person to say I really care that you get better mentally - and mean it, but YOU have to care too. IN caring you should allow yourself all the options that are available. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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