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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 691539" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>It's good that you're learning not to engage. When i was still using, I would come up with any number of emergencies to draw people back in. I didn't do it with the intention of hurting anybody, but it is difficult to handle the innate loneliness that comes with active addiction. Most people don't (and shouldn't) want to keep too close to addicts, and they realize that they aren't helping, and are probably hindering. My aunt was never mean or cruel to me about it, but I didn't like not being the center of her attention. If I couldn't have positive attention, I would settle for negative. Which meant creating crises and emergencies in such a way she would feel obligated to engage me again, either to rescue me, or even berate me for my shitty choices.</p><p></p><p>It is kinda like that ex you had who couldn't handle a clean break, and spent their lives trying to get a rise out of you. By throwing pity parties, creating emergencies, and trying to make you jealous by being with somebody else in front of you. It is a lot like that.</p><p></p><p>You have nothing to be sorry or embarrassed for. Those people who think less of you for your responses and reactions have no understanding of the nature of addiction, and codependent, unhealthy relationships. How could they? It is one of those things that must be experienced to truly appreciate. You are doing the right thing. Engaging him, and supporting him in any way might make you feel a little better about yourself, but it is ultimately a hindrance to recovery. It will only slow the crucial process of hitting rock bottom. It is bad for the addict, and for the parent/significant other. They may not be able to understand the way you are handling this, but you do. As do we. And anybody who does understand it would tell you that you're doing the best thing for your son, and for yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 691539, member: 20267"] It's good that you're learning not to engage. When i was still using, I would come up with any number of emergencies to draw people back in. I didn't do it with the intention of hurting anybody, but it is difficult to handle the innate loneliness that comes with active addiction. Most people don't (and shouldn't) want to keep too close to addicts, and they realize that they aren't helping, and are probably hindering. My aunt was never mean or cruel to me about it, but I didn't like not being the center of her attention. If I couldn't have positive attention, I would settle for negative. Which meant creating crises and emergencies in such a way she would feel obligated to engage me again, either to rescue me, or even berate me for my shitty choices. It is kinda like that ex you had who couldn't handle a clean break, and spent their lives trying to get a rise out of you. By throwing pity parties, creating emergencies, and trying to make you jealous by being with somebody else in front of you. It is a lot like that. You have nothing to be sorry or embarrassed for. Those people who think less of you for your responses and reactions have no understanding of the nature of addiction, and codependent, unhealthy relationships. How could they? It is one of those things that must be experienced to truly appreciate. You are doing the right thing. Engaging him, and supporting him in any way might make you feel a little better about yourself, but it is ultimately a hindrance to recovery. It will only slow the crucial process of hitting rock bottom. It is bad for the addict, and for the parent/significant other. They may not be able to understand the way you are handling this, but you do. As do we. And anybody who does understand it would tell you that you're doing the best thing for your son, and for yourself. [/QUOTE]
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