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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 201519"><p><strong>Linda,</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I'm sorry you take issue with the talk of embarrassment. I respect and admire you a great deal, but it hurts my feelings to dismiss my truth - that I am having a hard time accepting what is happening to my body and my mind.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I am embarrassed. Not because I have to use a tool to help me function, but because of what it represents. That I am not strong enough to overcome this illness. That right now, at this moment, the illness is winning. That may sound silly to some, but it's what I struggle with. I've always been very strong - or at least put on that face - and this is a battle I'm not winning right now. It's hard for me to accept. It is very humbling and it brings me to my knees, metaphorically speaking. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I started this process with everyone telling me that by April of this year, I would have a diagnosis, would be on medications and would be getting better. Not only has that not happened, I'm getting worse. Some days I even doubt myself - that maybe somehow I'm making this worse than it really is. Do I believe that? Not for a second. But, I always doubt myself.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I started addressing these issues in therapy yesterday, but these are walls that were erected many, many years ago and they are going to have to come back down brick by brick. I'm trying. Which is why I reached out to the board for moral support.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>It is hard for me to admit these things. The fact that I can't seem to overcome this is a big weakness in my mind. True or not, it is <em>my</em> truth right now. And that's what I'm having to adjust to and work on.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Forgive me if I seem over-emotional. I'm physcially and emotionally spent right now.</strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 201519"] [B]Linda, I'm sorry you take issue with the talk of embarrassment. I respect and admire you a great deal, but it hurts my feelings to dismiss my truth - that I am having a hard time accepting what is happening to my body and my mind. I am embarrassed. Not because I have to use a tool to help me function, but because of what it represents. That I am not strong enough to overcome this illness. That right now, at this moment, the illness is winning. That may sound silly to some, but it's what I struggle with. I've always been very strong - or at least put on that face - and this is a battle I'm not winning right now. It's hard for me to accept. It is very humbling and it brings me to my knees, metaphorically speaking. I started this process with everyone telling me that by April of this year, I would have a diagnosis, would be on medications and would be getting better. Not only has that not happened, I'm getting worse. Some days I even doubt myself - that maybe somehow I'm making this worse than it really is. Do I believe that? Not for a second. But, I always doubt myself. I started addressing these issues in therapy yesterday, but these are walls that were erected many, many years ago and they are going to have to come back down brick by brick. I'm trying. Which is why I reached out to the board for moral support. It is hard for me to admit these things. The fact that I can't seem to overcome this is a big weakness in my mind. True or not, it is [I]my[/I] truth right now. And that's what I'm having to adjust to and work on. Forgive me if I seem over-emotional. I'm physcially and emotionally spent right now.[/B] [/QUOTE]
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