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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 201698"><p>Marg - </p><p></p><p>Thank you so much. </p><p></p><p>I am struggling so hard to come to some sort of acceptance. And just when I think I've gotten there something new comes along and it's like I have to start all over. </p><p></p><p>Like you, I've had to hide - or have felt like I had to hide - my illness. People at work were just plain cruel. There's no other way to explain it. So, I made light of it, hid it and muddled through. Until I couldn't anymore. My family wasn't exactly supportive for a long time, either. I started to wonder if I was just a hypochondriac. It certainly seemed to be everyone else's opinion of me. Either that or that I was attention-seeking. I didn't know what to think anymore. Even now, those thoughts creep in. </p><p></p><p>I am finding new paths in my life. I am finding new passions. I am learning a lot about myself. I am finally starting to work on issues that I wouldn't work on in the past. I now have no choice. It's sink or swim - and I'm going to swim. I'm learning to lean on people in ways I never would have before. I remember an ex-boyfriend getting frustrated with me and saying, "You never let anyone help you." He was right. My experience has taught me that the only person I can depend on is me. I'm learning to ask for help, I'm learning to trust and I'm finding the good in people that for a long time I didn't think existed. While I struggle with the physical, cognitive and emotional issues, I feel blessed to be surrounded by the people I am - the board members here, friends and family, even neighbors who's names I barely know.</p><p></p><p>I'm a firm believer in things happen for a reason. And maybe the physical problems is my body's way of screaming out for attention for the emotional problems. That may sound kooky, but this illness is outright forcing me to deal with things that I just buried away. So, there is growth coming out of this.</p><p></p><p>When I see my GP again on Nov 3, I'm going to talk to her about filing for disability. I've fought that. So many people have told me I should do this. But, I was clinging desperately to the hope that I was going to be better by now. It's time to start dealing with the here and now and hoping for a better outcome. If I get better, I can always go off disability. I didn't see it that way before. It was like a certain kind of finality that I wasn't ready to accept.</p><p></p><p>I will find my way through this. I'm a fighter and a survivor. Sometimes, I just need a hand to hold along the way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 201698"] Marg - Thank you so much. I am struggling so hard to come to some sort of acceptance. And just when I think I've gotten there something new comes along and it's like I have to start all over. Like you, I've had to hide - or have felt like I had to hide - my illness. People at work were just plain cruel. There's no other way to explain it. So, I made light of it, hid it and muddled through. Until I couldn't anymore. My family wasn't exactly supportive for a long time, either. I started to wonder if I was just a hypochondriac. It certainly seemed to be everyone else's opinion of me. Either that or that I was attention-seeking. I didn't know what to think anymore. Even now, those thoughts creep in. I am finding new paths in my life. I am finding new passions. I am learning a lot about myself. I am finally starting to work on issues that I wouldn't work on in the past. I now have no choice. It's sink or swim - and I'm going to swim. I'm learning to lean on people in ways I never would have before. I remember an ex-boyfriend getting frustrated with me and saying, "You never let anyone help you." He was right. My experience has taught me that the only person I can depend on is me. I'm learning to ask for help, I'm learning to trust and I'm finding the good in people that for a long time I didn't think existed. While I struggle with the physical, cognitive and emotional issues, I feel blessed to be surrounded by the people I am - the board members here, friends and family, even neighbors who's names I barely know. I'm a firm believer in things happen for a reason. And maybe the physical problems is my body's way of screaming out for attention for the emotional problems. That may sound kooky, but this illness is outright forcing me to deal with things that I just buried away. So, there is growth coming out of this. When I see my GP again on Nov 3, I'm going to talk to her about filing for disability. I've fought that. So many people have told me I should do this. But, I was clinging desperately to the hope that I was going to be better by now. It's time to start dealing with the here and now and hoping for a better outcome. If I get better, I can always go off disability. I didn't see it that way before. It was like a certain kind of finality that I wasn't ready to accept. I will find my way through this. I'm a fighter and a survivor. Sometimes, I just need a hand to hold along the way. [/QUOTE]
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