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I am really scared for difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 258654" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think you are jumping to the conclusion that YOU did this to your son very prematurely. This seems to be a complex disorder. I get the impression that the real origin of this is NOT KNOWN. There is a neurobiological basis for this. This article (<a href="http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Depersonalization-disorder.html" target="_blank">http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Depersonalization-disorder.html</a> ) gives a very good explanation of this.</p><p> </p><p>Most of the causes seem to be stress and anxiety. Your son is in a very advanced high school where he seems to have been feeling a LOT of stress about the classes and fitting in. This has been a problem since early in the school year. </p><p> </p><p>This is a HUGE deal to teens. No matter how they act with the not turning things in, etc... they really DO care. But when they get overwhelmed many of our kids shut down and just CANNOT face the problem - can't get an overall picture, can't break it into manageable chunks, can't dive in. They do something else, anything else to avoid this. But the work he is not doing hangs over his head, rather like a giant pendulum of doom. </p><p> </p><p>The relationship between you and husband is part of his stress and anxiety. You say that husband stopped speaking to you after difficult child was born. This has likely created a HUGE amount of stress on your son. He knows it isn't normal. Especially now, when he can see other parents and adults in relationships. He KNOWS. he also feels the stress of the emotional abandonment from your husband. He is probably TERRIFIED that you or husband will stop speaking to HIM. If you think about it, it is a logical worry.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child sees husband treating you like you are not a "real" person. Your feelings and desires are totally discounted from what you have been telling us. How can he NOT wonder if that will happen to him, or if he will do that to his girlfriend or lover or wife?</p><p> </p><p>Here is another article on the causes of depersonalization: <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depersonalization/AN00595" target="_blank">http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depersonalization/AN00595</a></p><p> </p><p>This is from the Mayo Clinic. In NO place does it say that the mother is responsible. If the conditions in your home were bad enough to constitute severe emotional abuse (which I doubt very seriously) then BOTH you and husband are to blame. NOT JUST YOU!!! husband bears a LOTof responsibility in this. HE is the one who refuses to talk to you. Anyone would be upset and yell if this happened and you couldn't work it out in therapy.</p><p> </p><p>This may be the result of the emotional abuse you have suffered for years, but you do not bear all the responsibility for this. </p><p> </p><p>I think the key here is that you need to stop blaming yourself and focus on how to HELP your son. </p><p> </p><p>What did husband say when you explained this to him? Is HE willing to work on the family situation in a serious and committed way to help his son? Or is he blaming you?</p><p> </p><p>Can you see how husband has a big role in this?</p><p> </p><p>Once again I BEG you to get counseling for the emotional abuse you have suffered all these years. difficult child also needs help for this. A DV center may be very much able to counsel you BOTH. difficult child needs to learn that what he sees husband do and say to you is NOT NORMAL. He also needs to learn and internalize that HE is not going to disappear from his father's consciousness, that even if husband stops speaking to him he will still be there.</p><p> </p><p>Stop hogging all the blame for yourself. I don't think blame is needed, but if you feel it is please put it where it belongs.</p><p> </p><p>I think you need an action plan for medications and therapy. You also need a new psychiatrist as soon as possible. how is it coming along with the therapist looking at the list of docs? Any progress? I would avoid strattera as an anti anxiety medication. I think the drug reps are pushing this as a "new use" because strattera may be running out of patent time. If the company can find a new use they can extend the patent and keep generics off the market. It reminds me of when they were pushing neurontin as a "cure-all" for everything.</p><p> </p><p>One of the articles lists medications that are helpful in treating this.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry this is so long. I just worry so much about you. It is not healthy to blame yourself this much. easy child is a child with a little bit of knowledge that he used like a sledgehammer to hurt you and belittle you. PLEASE see his angry words for what they were - just plain WRONG.</p><p> </p><p>We are here for you. I hope this is something that difficult child will comply with the treatment for.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs,</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 258654, member: 1233"] I think you are jumping to the conclusion that YOU did this to your son very prematurely. This seems to be a complex disorder. I get the impression that the real origin of this is NOT KNOWN. There is a neurobiological basis for this. This article ([URL]http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Depersonalization-disorder.html[/URL] ) gives a very good explanation of this. Most of the causes seem to be stress and anxiety. Your son is in a very advanced high school where he seems to have been feeling a LOT of stress about the classes and fitting in. This has been a problem since early in the school year. This is a HUGE deal to teens. No matter how they act with the not turning things in, etc... they really DO care. But when they get overwhelmed many of our kids shut down and just CANNOT face the problem - can't get an overall picture, can't break it into manageable chunks, can't dive in. They do something else, anything else to avoid this. But the work he is not doing hangs over his head, rather like a giant pendulum of doom. The relationship between you and husband is part of his stress and anxiety. You say that husband stopped speaking to you after difficult child was born. This has likely created a HUGE amount of stress on your son. He knows it isn't normal. Especially now, when he can see other parents and adults in relationships. He KNOWS. he also feels the stress of the emotional abandonment from your husband. He is probably TERRIFIED that you or husband will stop speaking to HIM. If you think about it, it is a logical worry. difficult child sees husband treating you like you are not a "real" person. Your feelings and desires are totally discounted from what you have been telling us. How can he NOT wonder if that will happen to him, or if he will do that to his girlfriend or lover or wife? Here is another article on the causes of depersonalization: [URL]http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depersonalization/AN00595[/URL] This is from the Mayo Clinic. In NO place does it say that the mother is responsible. If the conditions in your home were bad enough to constitute severe emotional abuse (which I doubt very seriously) then BOTH you and husband are to blame. NOT JUST YOU!!! husband bears a LOTof responsibility in this. HE is the one who refuses to talk to you. Anyone would be upset and yell if this happened and you couldn't work it out in therapy. This may be the result of the emotional abuse you have suffered for years, but you do not bear all the responsibility for this. I think the key here is that you need to stop blaming yourself and focus on how to HELP your son. What did husband say when you explained this to him? Is HE willing to work on the family situation in a serious and committed way to help his son? Or is he blaming you? Can you see how husband has a big role in this? Once again I BEG you to get counseling for the emotional abuse you have suffered all these years. difficult child also needs help for this. A DV center may be very much able to counsel you BOTH. difficult child needs to learn that what he sees husband do and say to you is NOT NORMAL. He also needs to learn and internalize that HE is not going to disappear from his father's consciousness, that even if husband stops speaking to him he will still be there. Stop hogging all the blame for yourself. I don't think blame is needed, but if you feel it is please put it where it belongs. I think you need an action plan for medications and therapy. You also need a new psychiatrist as soon as possible. how is it coming along with the therapist looking at the list of docs? Any progress? I would avoid strattera as an anti anxiety medication. I think the drug reps are pushing this as a "new use" because strattera may be running out of patent time. If the company can find a new use they can extend the patent and keep generics off the market. It reminds me of when they were pushing neurontin as a "cure-all" for everything. One of the articles lists medications that are helpful in treating this. I am sorry this is so long. I just worry so much about you. It is not healthy to blame yourself this much. easy child is a child with a little bit of knowledge that he used like a sledgehammer to hurt you and belittle you. PLEASE see his angry words for what they were - just plain WRONG. We are here for you. I hope this is something that difficult child will comply with the treatment for. Hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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