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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 745451" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think the neuropsychologist, if you can get him there, would do much to ease your heart. </p><p></p><p>These particular professionals will test him in every area of life and tell you what is reasonable to expect of him. Like Sonic, he was a drug affected baby. So that could be partly why he seems smart but cant perform. </p><p></p><p>Im sure you know about non verbal learning disabilities. Although much of my neuropsychologist tests came back puzzling or inconclusive I did have several neuropsychs or like professionals tell me I have this. This is something you CAN test for! In case you are not that familiar, I will explain. It is a cognitive disorder and greatly impacts how you are able to perform in life. It is a struggle and here is why.</p><p></p><p>The person does get IQ tested. Most people have mild differences in verbal and performance level IQs but usually not that much.</p><p></p><p>In a non verbal learning disability the person.is usually very high on the verbal scale. Vocabulary can be way above average. Articulation</p><p> Spelling. Reading. Writing. The person sounds very capable. People used to tell me how smart I must be, even smart people. I could sound very smart. It was a skill I had and still have.</p><p></p><p> My verbal IQ was somewhere in tje 120s which is in the Superior range and I never struggled in verbal areas.</p><p></p><p>But with a non.berbal learning disability, there is a great difference in the verbal and the Performance level IQ. My performance level IQ was very low....in the 80s.</p><p></p><p> I had much testing always with the same two results. What this meant was I could easily get hired when i interviewed because I sounded so smart. Once I got hired, I found even "easy" jobs hard to do and often impossible. I cant understand verbal instructions or do two things at the same time until months of repetition. </p><p></p><p>This imcluded even McDonalds, as it is fast paced and you had to be doing many tasks at once. I would get too confused and get fired for mistakes. I tried very hard. Then anxiety set in and it got worse.</p><p></p><p> But anxiety was not the main problem. Understading how to multitask has always been the problem. So the only jobs I could keep were one step jobs, like working for answering services, or evening work at hospitals where it was very slow and a night coworker was there to help me or as a bus aide for kids or aa restaurant host.</p><p></p><p>I also have face blindness so if somebody was waiting for say money back or their meal I often couldnt recognize who to give it to. Fun fun! This made it hard to impossible for me to achieve well and I did not. And I didnt care!</p><p></p><p>When I was surprised by qualifying for SSDI, which I only applied for because I had to do so in order to get services from Vocational Rehab, my first diagnosis and reason for qualifying was Cognitive Disorder not otherwise specified. Yet my overall combined IQ was not below 100. I did not receive SSDI for my very controlled mood disorder. </p><p></p><p>There are many insidious reasons to be unable to achieve when the person is bright and articulate.</p><p></p><p>Nobody knows how I got all these pesky but difficult disabilities. But J may have this type of profile too. waIt Hewould bebmore understandable with him. He was drug exposed and had two Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Maybe they impacted his ability to do some even simple stuff. For me, my husband understands my quirks and is patient. An example is he knows I cant have a conversation with tje TV on so he will mute the TV. He knows I get confused reading instructions so he explains in a way I can understand. He never expected me to make a killing at work. He gets me. He knows my biggest joy was raising the kids and didnt force working.</p><p></p><p>You could learn much about J and why he cant seem to perform if you can get him to a neuropsychologist. Understanding can lead to tolerance and the right type of help. And your expectations can match what is reasonable.</p><p></p><p>From very young I was a gifted writer who struggled in school. I couldnt focus either and got yelled at by almost all my teachers for not knowing where we were in a lesson or not listening or not getting it. This became a life pattern. By high school I quit trying. I would sit in the back of the class and write stories or daydream, another activity I liked to do. I became a bit of a class clown in certain classes. I cut gym. Often. I would leave school early as gym was my last class and take a bus to the beach. I was not even average at anything atletic which I feel ties in with everything else.</p><p></p><p>Back in the day they had no help for me. J is still young. There is help for him if he understands himself and accepts adult services. And he may once he knows.</p><p></p><p>I would not put high expectations on J but one would be that he could stay as long as he has a Neuro psychiatric evaluation. Then it will all be out in the open and you can truly help plan realistically for his future. As can he. He is probably very confused right now.</p><p></p><p>Because of my own struggles maybe, I have always had a heart for the underdogs and those with challenges. I think J is basically a good person who, like me and Sonic, were dealt some hard cards to play. But my life got good in so many ways. I am content and at peace. I dont care that I didnt have a great job. The love from my family of choice means everything to me. I am very content with little things...kind words, nature, great coffee, and helping other people and animals. In a way, that is why I like this forum. I feel I can help.</p><p></p><p>J can have a good life. He and you just need to know what that life can look like. I was 40 before life turned wonderful. And it was a slow process. But it happened. It can for J too.</p><p></p><p>Sending you a delicious cup of no calorie hot chocolate and my love. Hang in there. There is hope.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 745451, member: 1550"] I think the neuropsychologist, if you can get him there, would do much to ease your heart. These particular professionals will test him in every area of life and tell you what is reasonable to expect of him. Like Sonic, he was a drug affected baby. So that could be partly why he seems smart but cant perform. Im sure you know about non verbal learning disabilities. Although much of my neuropsychologist tests came back puzzling or inconclusive I did have several neuropsychs or like professionals tell me I have this. This is something you CAN test for! In case you are not that familiar, I will explain. It is a cognitive disorder and greatly impacts how you are able to perform in life. It is a struggle and here is why. The person does get IQ tested. Most people have mild differences in verbal and performance level IQs but usually not that much. In a non verbal learning disability the person.is usually very high on the verbal scale. Vocabulary can be way above average. Articulation Spelling. Reading. Writing. The person sounds very capable. People used to tell me how smart I must be, even smart people. I could sound very smart. It was a skill I had and still have. My verbal IQ was somewhere in tje 120s which is in the Superior range and I never struggled in verbal areas. But with a non.berbal learning disability, there is a great difference in the verbal and the Performance level IQ. My performance level IQ was very low....in the 80s. I had much testing always with the same two results. What this meant was I could easily get hired when i interviewed because I sounded so smart. Once I got hired, I found even "easy" jobs hard to do and often impossible. I cant understand verbal instructions or do two things at the same time until months of repetition. This imcluded even McDonalds, as it is fast paced and you had to be doing many tasks at once. I would get too confused and get fired for mistakes. I tried very hard. Then anxiety set in and it got worse. But anxiety was not the main problem. Understading how to multitask has always been the problem. So the only jobs I could keep were one step jobs, like working for answering services, or evening work at hospitals where it was very slow and a night coworker was there to help me or as a bus aide for kids or aa restaurant host. I also have face blindness so if somebody was waiting for say money back or their meal I often couldnt recognize who to give it to. Fun fun! This made it hard to impossible for me to achieve well and I did not. And I didnt care! When I was surprised by qualifying for SSDI, which I only applied for because I had to do so in order to get services from Vocational Rehab, my first diagnosis and reason for qualifying was Cognitive Disorder not otherwise specified. Yet my overall combined IQ was not below 100. I did not receive SSDI for my very controlled mood disorder. There are many insidious reasons to be unable to achieve when the person is bright and articulate. Nobody knows how I got all these pesky but difficult disabilities. But J may have this type of profile too. waIt Hewould bebmore understandable with him. He was drug exposed and had two Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Maybe they impacted his ability to do some even simple stuff. For me, my husband understands my quirks and is patient. An example is he knows I cant have a conversation with tje TV on so he will mute the TV. He knows I get confused reading instructions so he explains in a way I can understand. He never expected me to make a killing at work. He gets me. He knows my biggest joy was raising the kids and didnt force working. You could learn much about J and why he cant seem to perform if you can get him to a neuropsychologist. Understanding can lead to tolerance and the right type of help. And your expectations can match what is reasonable. From very young I was a gifted writer who struggled in school. I couldnt focus either and got yelled at by almost all my teachers for not knowing where we were in a lesson or not listening or not getting it. This became a life pattern. By high school I quit trying. I would sit in the back of the class and write stories or daydream, another activity I liked to do. I became a bit of a class clown in certain classes. I cut gym. Often. I would leave school early as gym was my last class and take a bus to the beach. I was not even average at anything atletic which I feel ties in with everything else. Back in the day they had no help for me. J is still young. There is help for him if he understands himself and accepts adult services. And he may once he knows. I would not put high expectations on J but one would be that he could stay as long as he has a Neuro psychiatric evaluation. Then it will all be out in the open and you can truly help plan realistically for his future. As can he. He is probably very confused right now. Because of my own struggles maybe, I have always had a heart for the underdogs and those with challenges. I think J is basically a good person who, like me and Sonic, were dealt some hard cards to play. But my life got good in so many ways. I am content and at peace. I dont care that I didnt have a great job. The love from my family of choice means everything to me. I am very content with little things...kind words, nature, great coffee, and helping other people and animals. In a way, that is why I like this forum. I feel I can help. J can have a good life. He and you just need to know what that life can look like. I was 40 before life turned wonderful. And it was a slow process. But it happened. It can for J too. Sending you a delicious cup of no calorie hot chocolate and my love. Hang in there. There is hope. [/QUOTE]
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