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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 745454" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Oh Copa! I just saw this and wanted to tell you how sorry I am you are struggling and hurting and lonely. I'm sorry you and M are having problems. That must be compounding the problems so much. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it will be alright. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree rather strongly with this. I know it's very easy to get overwhelmed by all that you need to do, to the point that you sit and do nothing rather than pick any one thing to start on. You feel like you'll never get it all done, never get through it, and if you do it won't be good enough anyway, so why start? </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I also agree with this. You can't "fix" your son or change him. Believe me, I tried so hard to change mine. Even now, when he's apparently doing okay...I want so badly for him to change - cut his hair, quit dressing like a bum, work harder...but I try really, <em>really</em> hard, to keep my mouth shut because nothing I've ever done has worked. I know your son's problems are very much different...but the fact that they are <em>his</em> and not <em>yours</em> is the same. </p><p></p><p>Jabber is fond of saying that the only person you have any control over is yourself. You can't change how other people act, only how you react. He's not wrong. </p><p></p><p>In the end here you have to do what's best for YOU. If that means offering him a place to live, well then that's what you do. But don't rush into it to make yourself feel better temporarily. Really think <em>hard</em> about what him living with you has been like in the past, because that is all you can realistically expect in the future. Expect the worst...then if something better happens, you'll be pleasantly surprised. </p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 745454, member: 17309"] Oh Copa! I just saw this and wanted to tell you how sorry I am you are struggling and hurting and lonely. I'm sorry you and M are having problems. That must be compounding the problems so much. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it will be alright. I agree rather strongly with this. I know it's very easy to get overwhelmed by all that you need to do, to the point that you sit and do nothing rather than pick any one thing to start on. You feel like you'll never get it all done, never get through it, and if you do it won't be good enough anyway, so why start? I also agree with this. You can't "fix" your son or change him. Believe me, I tried so hard to change mine. Even now, when he's apparently doing okay...I want so badly for him to change - cut his hair, quit dressing like a bum, work harder...but I try really, [I]really[/I] hard, to keep my mouth shut because nothing I've ever done has worked. I know your son's problems are very much different...but the fact that they are [I]his[/I] and not [I]yours[/I] is the same. Jabber is fond of saying that the only person you have any control over is yourself. You can't change how other people act, only how you react. He's not wrong. In the end here you have to do what's best for YOU. If that means offering him a place to live, well then that's what you do. But don't rush into it to make yourself feel better temporarily. Really think [I]hard[/I] about what him living with you has been like in the past, because that is all you can realistically expect in the future. Expect the worst...then if something better happens, you'll be pleasantly surprised. :hugs: [/QUOTE]
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