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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745461" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Good morning. Thank you everybody. Alot. My computer arrives today. Yay.</p><p></p><p>My son texted me an hour ago that he was leaving shortly for the big city in the metro to go to the liver clinic (at the University) for help for the neuropsychologist referral. It is as good a start as any. There is a satellite clinic for this University medical center fairly near me.</p><p></p><p>I think he understands (finally) that there is a bridge toll to be paid. With me.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking that it might have been a ruse. That he might still be sleeping in the friends truck. That he is playing poker with me. Trying to bluff me so I freak out and fold.</p><p></p><p>By way of his scary magic words. Like sleeping on metro. Like I'm taking the train and I don't know where I'll land. Like I'm broken.</p><p></p><p>So I'm seeing my role (thank you people) as coach. We will work on the neuropsychologist first.</p><p></p><p>Something baggy wrote comes to mind. The habits, behaviors that trigger us. Like my son's hoody that he wears always to conceal his receding hairline. It triggers people. He can look menacing and like a gang member. He is told to leave stores. Somebody on my block stopped him. </p><p></p><p>The friend with the concrete business told him: wear something else on your head, but not a hoody. My son used a scarf and hat, way more appropriate to the work.</p><p></p><p>Do I have the right to say: find another headdress? Do I have the right to say, let's buy some clothes?</p><p></p><p>Which brings up what Eliza wrote. The question of whether or not they will do the things they're capable of. The thing is: my son needs and wants my support. But has been unwilling so far to conform to my (and m's expectations). Perhaps he could not. I think this is so. But he also would not comply.</p><p></p><p>And this is the power struggle we were always in. It is like what caretoomuch (I think, and swot and others) said above. Giving up expectations. Surrendering.</p><p></p><p>Except like kt infers (and Lil and others). Do you surrender so much you lose yourself and life?</p><p></p><p>The bottom line is this. He has to write this story. Not me.</p><p></p><p>It is good m is out of this. A triangle is near impossible to deal with. For me.</p><p></p><p>What do you think about the hoody?</p><p></p><p>Thank you everybody.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745461, member: 18958"] Good morning. Thank you everybody. Alot. My computer arrives today. Yay. My son texted me an hour ago that he was leaving shortly for the big city in the metro to go to the liver clinic (at the University) for help for the neuropsychologist referral. It is as good a start as any. There is a satellite clinic for this University medical center fairly near me. I think he understands (finally) that there is a bridge toll to be paid. With me. I am thinking that it might have been a ruse. That he might still be sleeping in the friends truck. That he is playing poker with me. Trying to bluff me so I freak out and fold. By way of his scary magic words. Like sleeping on metro. Like I'm taking the train and I don't know where I'll land. Like I'm broken. So I'm seeing my role (thank you people) as coach. We will work on the neuropsychologist first. Something baggy wrote comes to mind. The habits, behaviors that trigger us. Like my son's hoody that he wears always to conceal his receding hairline. It triggers people. He can look menacing and like a gang member. He is told to leave stores. Somebody on my block stopped him. The friend with the concrete business told him: wear something else on your head, but not a hoody. My son used a scarf and hat, way more appropriate to the work. Do I have the right to say: find another headdress? Do I have the right to say, let's buy some clothes? Which brings up what Eliza wrote. The question of whether or not they will do the things they're capable of. The thing is: my son needs and wants my support. But has been unwilling so far to conform to my (and m's expectations). Perhaps he could not. I think this is so. But he also would not comply. And this is the power struggle we were always in. It is like what caretoomuch (I think, and swot and others) said above. Giving up expectations. Surrendering. Except like kt infers (and Lil and others). Do you surrender so much you lose yourself and life? The bottom line is this. He has to write this story. Not me. It is good m is out of this. A triangle is near impossible to deal with. For me. What do you think about the hoody? Thank you everybody. [/QUOTE]
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