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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 745564" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Sadly, I am not surprised Copa. I only have similar past experiences with my own son to go on. This is how I read similar events I experienced: -</p><p></p><p>The last-minute changes, excuses, delays, “lies”, etc. are his way to show that he <u><strong>never intended to go through with it, and he does not want to.</strong> </u> (<em>If he really did intend and want to, he could have made it happen.) </em>With my son, he can and does take initiative to do what he wants to do, (even with all the unfortunate conduct and risks involved) when he wants something out of it. </p><p></p><p>With my son, I’ve learned and understand he is afraid of disappointing me in what I may want, and he has a shame with me about knowing his own life is not what I would like to see … Or he is afraid to face the reality of meeting with me to hear my “questioning tone of voice” perhaps or to face my “questioning looks” - as it pushes him away more ?</p><p></p><p>So, in making any plans with me, he drags on a “cat and mouse” pretense – to try to “<em>do and say the right things and make plans</em>” - allowing the clock to tick until zero hour and even far beyond - until then the game is up and over … <u>No show</u>, and always with excuses / lies … (<em>something happened</em> - <em>not his fault, of course</em>). </p><p></p><p>One time I called him out on this pattern and told him if he really wanted to keep the commitment, then he would. And his response back to me was exactly that - He point blank told me - <em>“ Good Mom, you got it - Yes, if I did want to do it, I would!” </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>These are hard things to accept. I'm trying to get there. You cannot ask for 1 - 4%. They do not owe us anything. <u>He has to want to give it himself, on his own. </u></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 745564, member: 19617"] Sadly, I am not surprised Copa. I only have similar past experiences with my own son to go on. This is how I read similar events I experienced: - The last-minute changes, excuses, delays, “lies”, etc. are his way to show that he [U][B]never intended to go through with it, and he does not want to.[/B] [/U] ([I]If he really did intend and want to, he could have made it happen.) [/I]With my son, he can and does take initiative to do what he wants to do, (even with all the unfortunate conduct and risks involved) when he wants something out of it. With my son, I’ve learned and understand he is afraid of disappointing me in what I may want, and he has a shame with me about knowing his own life is not what I would like to see … Or he is afraid to face the reality of meeting with me to hear my “questioning tone of voice” perhaps or to face my “questioning looks” - as it pushes him away more ? So, in making any plans with me, he drags on a “cat and mouse” pretense – to try to “[I]do and say the right things and make plans[/I]” - allowing the clock to tick until zero hour and even far beyond - until then the game is up and over … [U]No show[/U], and always with excuses / lies … ([I]something happened[/I] - [I]not his fault, of course[/I]). One time I called him out on this pattern and told him if he really wanted to keep the commitment, then he would. And his response back to me was exactly that - He point blank told me - [I]“ Good Mom, you got it - Yes, if I did want to do it, I would!” [/I] These are hard things to accept. I'm trying to get there. You cannot ask for 1 - 4%. They do not owe us anything. [U]He has to want to give it himself, on his own. [/U] [/QUOTE]
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