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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="mentalcase" data-source="post: 745715" data-attributes="member: 23458"><p>I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It's so difficult when there is that real fear about our kids. I'm going to share with you something that helped me when I was worried about my son's health and I kept on panicking about him dying out on the streets (all the nightmarish scenarios popped into my brain during this time). He had run away- no money, no food, no phone...in a different city..yeah, it was bad. </p><p></p><p>I read this book " The Four Seasons of Recovery.." and a father wrote how he came to terms with possibility that his daughter might die. He envisioned her funeral and grieved her and told her that he loved her very much, but she had her own life and her own choices to make and he'd made peace with thought that those choices might cause her own death. Maybe it's morbid, but that resonated with me. I have no control over my son. He is his own life force. He will choose to do what he wants, sometimes even putting his life at risk and as much as that hurts me, there is nothing I can do. This is true of all our children- even the ones without addiction. I've found the tighter I hold on, the worse it is. When my son ran away, something shifted in me. I knew he was his own person and as much as I loved him, he would do what he wanted to do - and I needed to continue on for myself and my other kids. None of us want to think of this, yet maybe if we faced death head-on and grieved...just maybe we could find some some acceptance in our situations and it wouldn't torment and cause us such anxiety on a daily basis because you'd already come to terms with the worst case scenario. Hope that makes sense.</p><p></p><p>You are so lovely, please take good care of yourself. Put your son to the side for today - maybe even get some distance for you to heal a little.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mentalcase, post: 745715, member: 23458"] I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It's so difficult when there is that real fear about our kids. I'm going to share with you something that helped me when I was worried about my son's health and I kept on panicking about him dying out on the streets (all the nightmarish scenarios popped into my brain during this time). He had run away- no money, no food, no phone...in a different city..yeah, it was bad. I read this book " The Four Seasons of Recovery.." and a father wrote how he came to terms with possibility that his daughter might die. He envisioned her funeral and grieved her and told her that he loved her very much, but she had her own life and her own choices to make and he'd made peace with thought that those choices might cause her own death. Maybe it's morbid, but that resonated with me. I have no control over my son. He is his own life force. He will choose to do what he wants, sometimes even putting his life at risk and as much as that hurts me, there is nothing I can do. This is true of all our children- even the ones without addiction. I've found the tighter I hold on, the worse it is. When my son ran away, something shifted in me. I knew he was his own person and as much as I loved him, he would do what he wanted to do - and I needed to continue on for myself and my other kids. None of us want to think of this, yet maybe if we faced death head-on and grieved...just maybe we could find some some acceptance in our situations and it wouldn't torment and cause us such anxiety on a daily basis because you'd already come to terms with the worst case scenario. Hope that makes sense. You are so lovely, please take good care of yourself. Put your son to the side for today - maybe even get some distance for you to heal a little. [/QUOTE]
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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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