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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745738" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>What I am trying to say is that we are hostages to a situation because we are mothers, and we feel unable to leave, trapped. We are held hostage by our love and responsibility and then we become traumatized by the circumstances that keep assaulting us over and over again. And we feel helpless.</p><p></p><p>Some of us, actually have been traumatized, in our lives, I would argue perhaps here, maybe a third of us, at least. And we are triggered by the situations of our children, from which we feel no escape.</p><p></p><p>Until I read your above post I thought we were saying the same thing.</p><p></p><p>I am flabbergasted by this:</p><p>I am having to forcibly control my breathing. I want to tell you so badly that this is overly dramatic. But if I tell the truth to myself, this is where I was last week when I wrote to him, <em>do not come back here or I will call the cops. </em>I think I felt it to be life or death for me. And possibly for him. That I feared in some dissociated state what I might be triggered to do. Now I know that I would never do anything to hurt him...but who wants to live even for 5 minutes in a state of mind like this. This is what Eliza is saying. She has learned to take herself away immediately from these kinds of triggers.</p><p></p><p>But she, and you have underage sons. I have an adult child who has trouble taking care of himself. To some degree or another <em>we are</em> trapped.</p><p>Baggy. I can't remember if you were here on the board when I kicked my son out of the other house, and he was squatting and I kept having to call the cops and call the cops. And I was terrorized by his very presence. He had done nothing to me except cross boundaries.</p><p></p><p>The first month he was gone, I felt like you did. Like for the first time in a long time I was safe to relax. And I felt a great deal of satisfaction that I had acted to create this safe zone for myself. But after that first month, is when the panic began. I am not saying that for you this will occur. We have different lives and personalities. </p><p></p><p>But I see your situation as similar in this: For the first time in years, the responsibility at least in a day to day sense is out of your hands. Somebody else is carrying it. You can sleep. You can eat. You can work. Without the constant pressure and hyper-vigilance that was your baseline for such a long time. G-d willing, this will continue, and this respite will continue. Forgive me. But I see this as a respite or a time out, not necessarily detachment. And to me, this is a good thing.</p><p></p><p>But then, you can see where my thinking has gotten me. So as SWOT says, feel free to ignore what I say.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745738, member: 18958"] What I am trying to say is that we are hostages to a situation because we are mothers, and we feel unable to leave, trapped. We are held hostage by our love and responsibility and then we become traumatized by the circumstances that keep assaulting us over and over again. And we feel helpless. Some of us, actually have been traumatized, in our lives, I would argue perhaps here, maybe a third of us, at least. And we are triggered by the situations of our children, from which we feel no escape. Until I read your above post I thought we were saying the same thing. I am flabbergasted by this: I am having to forcibly control my breathing. I want to tell you so badly that this is overly dramatic. But if I tell the truth to myself, this is where I was last week when I wrote to him, [I]do not come back here or I will call the cops. [/I]I think I felt it to be life or death for me. And possibly for him. That I feared in some dissociated state what I might be triggered to do. Now I know that I would never do anything to hurt him...but who wants to live even for 5 minutes in a state of mind like this. This is what Eliza is saying. She has learned to take herself away immediately from these kinds of triggers. But she, and you have underage sons. I have an adult child who has trouble taking care of himself. To some degree or another [I]we are[/I] trapped. Baggy. I can't remember if you were here on the board when I kicked my son out of the other house, and he was squatting and I kept having to call the cops and call the cops. And I was terrorized by his very presence. He had done nothing to me except cross boundaries. The first month he was gone, I felt like you did. Like for the first time in a long time I was safe to relax. And I felt a great deal of satisfaction that I had acted to create this safe zone for myself. But after that first month, is when the panic began. I am not saying that for you this will occur. We have different lives and personalities. But I see your situation as similar in this: For the first time in years, the responsibility at least in a day to day sense is out of your hands. Somebody else is carrying it. You can sleep. You can eat. You can work. Without the constant pressure and hyper-vigilance that was your baseline for such a long time. G-d willing, this will continue, and this respite will continue. Forgive me. But I see this as a respite or a time out, not necessarily detachment. And to me, this is a good thing. But then, you can see where my thinking has gotten me. So as SWOT says, feel free to ignore what I say. [/QUOTE]
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