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Parent Emeritus
I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745753" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is what I have been struggling with. How to make him cooperate. How to get him to comply. It is like making a flea dance tango. And blaming myself for my inability to make it work.</p><p> Yes.</p><p></p><p>Reading this helps. It doesn't take away the heartbreak but it validates it. Thank you, SWOT.</p><p></p><p>When I am able finally to see my son and speak to him, it will be interesting how we talk about all of this. I am as interested in what I will say, as what he will.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much. This has turned out to be a wonderful and extremely helpful thread.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all, very much.</p><p></p><p>PS. The point, that enabling them, while we still live, is really undercutting our own interests, as well as theirs. Because their best shot is to work this through if they can, while we are still here, to support and to guide them to the extent that they allow, and we can. And that makes it our best shot, too.</p><p></p><p>I am still not sure what I want (because I surely do not want him in the street), but I think we are covering all of the bases here.</p><p></p><p>What's tripping me up is this: From the beginning I tied my support to his doing things for himself, going to school, medical care, etc. I still believe in supporting an adult child who is helping him or herself. Like Littleboylost supports her son. Like RN is helping her own son. But my situation is different. It could be my personality, that I did not do it right. But it could also be that my son for whatever reason has not arrived at the point, where he wants to or can stand alone in a way that I can unambivalently help him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745753, member: 18958"] This is what I have been struggling with. How to make him cooperate. How to get him to comply. It is like making a flea dance tango. And blaming myself for my inability to make it work. Yes. Reading this helps. It doesn't take away the heartbreak but it validates it. Thank you, SWOT. When I am able finally to see my son and speak to him, it will be interesting how we talk about all of this. I am as interested in what I will say, as what he will. Thank you very much. This has turned out to be a wonderful and extremely helpful thread. Thank you all, very much. PS. The point, that enabling them, while we still live, is really undercutting our own interests, as well as theirs. Because their best shot is to work this through if they can, while we are still here, to support and to guide them to the extent that they allow, and we can. And that makes it our best shot, too. I am still not sure what I want (because I surely do not want him in the street), but I think we are covering all of the bases here. What's tripping me up is this: From the beginning I tied my support to his doing things for himself, going to school, medical care, etc. I still believe in supporting an adult child who is helping him or herself. Like Littleboylost supports her son. Like RN is helping her own son. But my situation is different. It could be my personality, that I did not do it right. But it could also be that my son for whatever reason has not arrived at the point, where he wants to or can stand alone in a way that I can unambivalently help him. [/QUOTE]
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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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