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I AM SO SAD. MY DAUGHTER HATES ME.
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 724479" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>This is a heartbreaking thing, I know. To have a child who rewrites the history of their upbringing.</p><p></p><p>My son has also reworked into his origin story concepts that he began to explore, but had not yet fully reconciled, in therapy.</p><p></p><p>I think he exploited and twisted those discoveries though, for the same reason he later began to badmouth the therapeutic program itself. To explain away the shame of resuming substance abuse and of his stalled life. And to manipulate us with guilt, so we would enable that life.</p><p></p><p>But, his therapeutic process was ultimately on the right track. And my son did not make up facts against us. He just weaponized what he had begun to learn — when therapy is supposed to allow for healing.</p><p></p><p>What your daughter is saying must be especially painful — because it is not true. Maybe there’s some validation that comes from knowing those false memories were elicited by a dangerously inept therapist, but not much comfort, I would imagine.</p><p></p><p>You know what’s true though. Your immediate family grew up in the same home and know. I would try and stay strong in that knowledge, first by turning off the social media and hanging up on the lies. A friend of mine uses a little parting mantra to help her disengage: Maybe something like: “We will always love you, even if we have different opinions. We are here for you when you are honest about the facts.”</p><p></p><p>Re normal parental guilt; therapy helped me to reframe it. Assuming you were not a monster Mom, you have to be careful Monday morning quarterbacking your parenting. We can use it to validate our kids by acknowledge the pain we unwittingly caused and to keep learning and growing as parents. But it’s not good parenting to let your kids push guilt buttons. We have to teach and model that caring people can forgive — and don’t want other people to feel perpetually bad.</p><p></p><p>In the end, you have to do what your heart needs to do to. Maybe that means no contact. Or maybe you keep fighting for your daughter to wake up from the trance. It won’t happen in a Twitter war, though. </p><p></p><p>If I were in the fighting spirit, I would see if there have been complaints against her therapist, I would research implanted memories, I would consider the possibility that there was trauma from another source, and I would consider and try to sympathize with whatever emotional issues or demons might be fueling the storytelling.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 724479, member: 19290"] This is a heartbreaking thing, I know. To have a child who rewrites the history of their upbringing. My son has also reworked into his origin story concepts that he began to explore, but had not yet fully reconciled, in therapy. I think he exploited and twisted those discoveries though, for the same reason he later began to badmouth the therapeutic program itself. To explain away the shame of resuming substance abuse and of his stalled life. And to manipulate us with guilt, so we would enable that life. But, his therapeutic process was ultimately on the right track. And my son did not make up facts against us. He just weaponized what he had begun to learn — when therapy is supposed to allow for healing. What your daughter is saying must be especially painful — because it is not true. Maybe there’s some validation that comes from knowing those false memories were elicited by a dangerously inept therapist, but not much comfort, I would imagine. You know what’s true though. Your immediate family grew up in the same home and know. I would try and stay strong in that knowledge, first by turning off the social media and hanging up on the lies. A friend of mine uses a little parting mantra to help her disengage: Maybe something like: “We will always love you, even if we have different opinions. We are here for you when you are honest about the facts.” Re normal parental guilt; therapy helped me to reframe it. Assuming you were not a monster Mom, you have to be careful Monday morning quarterbacking your parenting. We can use it to validate our kids by acknowledge the pain we unwittingly caused and to keep learning and growing as parents. But it’s not good parenting to let your kids push guilt buttons. We have to teach and model that caring people can forgive — and don’t want other people to feel perpetually bad. In the end, you have to do what your heart needs to do to. Maybe that means no contact. Or maybe you keep fighting for your daughter to wake up from the trance. It won’t happen in a Twitter war, though. If I were in the fighting spirit, I would see if there have been complaints against her therapist, I would research implanted memories, I would consider the possibility that there was trauma from another source, and I would consider and try to sympathize with whatever emotional issues or demons might be fueling the storytelling. [/QUOTE]
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I AM SO SAD. MY DAUGHTER HATES ME.
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