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I bought my kid a tent today, he's homeless.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743124" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)">I don't know that this has to happen. If he makes a choice to stop the train:I think you are ambivalent about what to do.</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)">What strides son has made. It is hard to know what to do when there is real objective change, and flourishing, due to your ongoing support...but the issues continue...because this is real life.</span></span></p><p></p><p>As you write this post I hear the contradiction in your voice, on the one hand, fear of what could be, on the other hand, hope. Actually, I see you as having three different points of view: One is that the drinking could be manageable as he is doing it, after work and weekends. The other that is that the drinking is so self-destructive that he must leave your house. If that happens there is the hope that he has changed so that there is no longer great risk of the worst thing happening. But there is the recognition that he is an active addict, and he is potentially destroying himself. (Welcome to my world.)</p><p></p><p>Each of these, to me, represent different points of view:</p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)"></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms'"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)"></span></span></p><p>So what to do? What is our role now? What is support and what is enabling? I struggle with all of this.</p><p>You and I have the same issue, our own role. Do we protect and guide them so that the worst does not happen? Or do we set limits on our space, to protect our own integrity and ultimately theirs? The question of what is support and what is enabling for me is a hard one. I hear your fear that he could not deal responsibly with his addiction if he is away from you, and is not doing so, close. But at this point you are caught up in it, and the question has become yours. How will you deal with his addiction as it has come home to you?</p><p></p><p>In reading your posts it seems like he is a pleasure to have at home. Why not offer the choice to him? </p><p></p><p>I am channeling you here:</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>The drinking is the elephant in MY living room now. And I cannot avoid seeing it and confronting it. I cannot watch you worsen in your dependence, with my own consent, in my home, where I have responsibility and control. Your drinking has reached levels where you feel you do not have control anymore. That is a problem. If you keep doing it here, it becomes my problem. We are already here. What are you going to do?</em></p><p></p><p>I don't know if I would say this *but it is implied: <em>To stay here I need for you to make a choice: either enter treatment and stop drinking here in my home, or decide to get your own place.</em></p><p></p><p>Are you open to giving him the choice in what to do?</p><p></p><p style="text-align: left"></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743124, member: 18958"] [LEFT][FONT=trebuchet ms][COLOR=rgb(20, 20, 20)]I don't know that this has to happen. If he makes a choice to stop the train:I think you are ambivalent about what to do. What strides son has made. It is hard to know what to do when there is real objective change, and flourishing, due to your ongoing support...but the issues continue...because this is real life.[/COLOR][/FONT][/LEFT] As you write this post I hear the contradiction in your voice, on the one hand, fear of what could be, on the other hand, hope. Actually, I see you as having three different points of view: One is that the drinking could be manageable as he is doing it, after work and weekends. The other that is that the drinking is so self-destructive that he must leave your house. If that happens there is the hope that he has changed so that there is no longer great risk of the worst thing happening. But there is the recognition that he is an active addict, and he is potentially destroying himself. (Welcome to my world.) Each of these, to me, represent different points of view: [LEFT][FONT=trebuchet ms][COLOR=rgb(20, 20, 20)] [/COLOR][/FONT][/LEFT] So what to do? What is our role now? What is support and what is enabling? I struggle with all of this. You and I have the same issue, our own role. Do we protect and guide them so that the worst does not happen? Or do we set limits on our space, to protect our own integrity and ultimately theirs? The question of what is support and what is enabling for me is a hard one. I hear your fear that he could not deal responsibly with his addiction if he is away from you, and is not doing so, close. But at this point you are caught up in it, and the question has become yours. How will you deal with his addiction as it has come home to you? In reading your posts it seems like he is a pleasure to have at home. Why not offer the choice to him? I am channeling you here: [I] The drinking is the elephant in MY living room now. And I cannot avoid seeing it and confronting it. I cannot watch you worsen in your dependence, with my own consent, in my home, where I have responsibility and control. Your drinking has reached levels where you feel you do not have control anymore. That is a problem. If you keep doing it here, it becomes my problem. We are already here. What are you going to do?[/I] I don't know if I would say this *but it is implied: [I]To stay here I need for you to make a choice: either enter treatment and stop drinking here in my home, or decide to get your own place.[/I] Are you open to giving him the choice in what to do? [LEFT][/LEFT] [/QUOTE]
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I bought my kid a tent today, he's homeless.
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