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I bought my kid a tent today, he's homeless.
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<blockquote data-quote="JMom" data-source="post: 743382" data-attributes="member: 19892"><p>Thank you all for your responses. It has helped me see the situation as a clear choice I have to offer. I liked the idea of go somewhere else or stay and start the recovery process. Thanks for everyone's perspective, even the advocacy for survivors and potential victims of DUI. When J got the DUI, I was devastated. I knew how dangerous it was and feared for everyone's safety.</p><p></p><p>One thing I didn't make clear was the terms of his DUI. I don't want to sound defensive, please don't take it that way, I just want you all to know this has been his accomplishment not mine.</p><p></p><p>(He earned the DUI when he was 19 but never paid it, as he was out drugging and ended up homeless). He just recently got sober a year ago and decided to work on getting his driver's license to receive a promotion at work and turn his life back around. When all this was happening, he was also paying back fines for misdemeanor crimes he had committed prior to his days in the tent. He has to date- paid approximately $8,000 in fines and spent 60 days in jail.</p><p> Once he can drive for himself, he gets another promotion.</p><p></p><p>He spent mandatory time in jail and received a $4,000 fine and he got a pan handling ticket a year later and it added $800, there were additional $200-$500 fines added for non-criminal related issues from 19-21 years of age.</p><p> In Texas when you have an unpaid DUI, any trouble you have with the law adds fines, late payments add fines, etc. When it is paid off, he has to go to alcohol awareness classes-which he said (at the time of our talk) that he thinks he should do now. He had been putting that off.</p><p></p><p>Now understand this drinking just started, it is new, caught me by surprise after all the work he has put forth. The time line of this has been about 2 weeks. I was so scared of starting this process over again, the detachment, the sadness, the tough love. I hate it. I just hate it. I came here for comfort and straight talk; once again, you have all delivered.</p><p></p><p>J has paid all of this money DIRECTLY to the court, not to me. I am not helping him pay it off. When he first came home, I showed him a budget since he had never had money on a consistent basis from a job.</p><p></p><p> In the beginning, he gave me cash every week because he didn't have an ID, a driver's license, a bank account, clothing, Etc...He was cashing his checks at work and bringing it to me. Newly sober, he wanted his teeth fixed (because he had meth mouth), buy a few articles of clothing and chip away at restoring all that he had destroyed. We offered to get his teeth fixed if he stayed sober, stayed within his budget and all things stayed above board. The dental work was $4,000. He just recently paid that off.</p><p></p><p>He still doesn't have a bank account but uses an old account I have-he pays the DUI himself; he will just have more to put on it. I see him having it paid off in 6-8 weeks. </p><p></p><p>What I have learned from all of you was to continue to love him, but to rip off the band-aid and get it over with. Not sure where his driver will park his truck if he leaves here, but if he makes the choice to continue to drink then I suppose that's his problem.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for being kind and sensitive, I needed a safe spot to land.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JMom, post: 743382, member: 19892"] Thank you all for your responses. It has helped me see the situation as a clear choice I have to offer. I liked the idea of go somewhere else or stay and start the recovery process. Thanks for everyone's perspective, even the advocacy for survivors and potential victims of DUI. When J got the DUI, I was devastated. I knew how dangerous it was and feared for everyone's safety. One thing I didn't make clear was the terms of his DUI. I don't want to sound defensive, please don't take it that way, I just want you all to know this has been his accomplishment not mine. (He earned the DUI when he was 19 but never paid it, as he was out drugging and ended up homeless). He just recently got sober a year ago and decided to work on getting his driver's license to receive a promotion at work and turn his life back around. When all this was happening, he was also paying back fines for misdemeanor crimes he had committed prior to his days in the tent. He has to date- paid approximately $8,000 in fines and spent 60 days in jail. Once he can drive for himself, he gets another promotion. He spent mandatory time in jail and received a $4,000 fine and he got a pan handling ticket a year later and it added $800, there were additional $200-$500 fines added for non-criminal related issues from 19-21 years of age. In Texas when you have an unpaid DUI, any trouble you have with the law adds fines, late payments add fines, etc. When it is paid off, he has to go to alcohol awareness classes-which he said (at the time of our talk) that he thinks he should do now. He had been putting that off. Now understand this drinking just started, it is new, caught me by surprise after all the work he has put forth. The time line of this has been about 2 weeks. I was so scared of starting this process over again, the detachment, the sadness, the tough love. I hate it. I just hate it. I came here for comfort and straight talk; once again, you have all delivered. J has paid all of this money DIRECTLY to the court, not to me. I am not helping him pay it off. When he first came home, I showed him a budget since he had never had money on a consistent basis from a job. In the beginning, he gave me cash every week because he didn't have an ID, a driver's license, a bank account, clothing, Etc...He was cashing his checks at work and bringing it to me. Newly sober, he wanted his teeth fixed (because he had meth mouth), buy a few articles of clothing and chip away at restoring all that he had destroyed. We offered to get his teeth fixed if he stayed sober, stayed within his budget and all things stayed above board. The dental work was $4,000. He just recently paid that off. He still doesn't have a bank account but uses an old account I have-he pays the DUI himself; he will just have more to put on it. I see him having it paid off in 6-8 weeks. What I have learned from all of you was to continue to love him, but to rip off the band-aid and get it over with. Not sure where his driver will park his truck if he leaves here, but if he makes the choice to continue to drink then I suppose that's his problem. Thank you all for being kind and sensitive, I needed a safe spot to land. [/QUOTE]
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I bought my kid a tent today, he's homeless.
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