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Parent Emeritus
I called 911 last week re my 20 yo. Looking for support and suggestions going forward
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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 762479" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Hi Ascending and welcome. It sounds like you have made some wise decisions about your relationship with your son going forward and what you are willing to live with.</p><p></p><p>My advice would be that it’s possible some of the restrictions you may want to put upon him he will not be able to live with, the first one being no drugs. We all want that and most of us have requested it, but it’s doubtful that he will comply. Most kids may say they will, but then they just sneak and do it anyway. You don’t need that in your home, and you don’t need to have a child who is violent and/or disrespectful living with you, particularly given your current physical state.</p><p></p><p>So, I think you are right not to have him living in your home. You can request that he not be high when he is around you if you decide to maintain contact. That is reasonable.</p><p></p><p>Are you willing to let him be homeless in the event that he cannot find or be successful with other housing arrangements? My son decided at age 18 and still in high school that he was now an adult and ready to be out on his own. That was 3 years ago and I told him then that if he left he could never come back. It’s been one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do, but we have stuck to it. We could no longer live with the disrespect, drugs, violence, police called, holes punched in walls, stealing things from us, etc. etc. ad nauseum.</p><p></p><p>During that time my son has been homeless on the streets, stayed in shelters, or lived with others. He has managed and we have maintained a relationship through it all. I insist on being treated with respect and I refuse to be around him if he is high. There is also more to my story which I have yet to post. Still trying to process his being unsuccessful at treatment 3 different times. He is currently living in another state with his birth family, not the best option either.</p><p></p><p>I say these things only because most of us who have put restrictions on our kids in order to have a relationship with them find that it usually doesn’t work. But you do what works best for you, sometimes having to modify things along the way.</p><p></p><p>I think you are right to find a support group such as al anon where you can find other like minded parents who can help see you through this. It is so very hard, and you need folks in your corner who understand, because most parents out there don’t, unless they have been through it and there is a lot of judgment from parents or friends who don’t get it. This forum is a great place for help and advice as well.</p><p></p><p>I’m glad you found us and I hope you’ll continue to read and post. It really helps. And please be sure to make time for yourself in whatever way nourishes your soul. That is so important. Many hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 762479, member: 23742"] Hi Ascending and welcome. It sounds like you have made some wise decisions about your relationship with your son going forward and what you are willing to live with. My advice would be that it’s possible some of the restrictions you may want to put upon him he will not be able to live with, the first one being no drugs. We all want that and most of us have requested it, but it’s doubtful that he will comply. Most kids may say they will, but then they just sneak and do it anyway. You don’t need that in your home, and you don’t need to have a child who is violent and/or disrespectful living with you, particularly given your current physical state. So, I think you are right not to have him living in your home. You can request that he not be high when he is around you if you decide to maintain contact. That is reasonable. Are you willing to let him be homeless in the event that he cannot find or be successful with other housing arrangements? My son decided at age 18 and still in high school that he was now an adult and ready to be out on his own. That was 3 years ago and I told him then that if he left he could never come back. It’s been one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do, but we have stuck to it. We could no longer live with the disrespect, drugs, violence, police called, holes punched in walls, stealing things from us, etc. etc. ad nauseum. During that time my son has been homeless on the streets, stayed in shelters, or lived with others. He has managed and we have maintained a relationship through it all. I insist on being treated with respect and I refuse to be around him if he is high. There is also more to my story which I have yet to post. Still trying to process his being unsuccessful at treatment 3 different times. He is currently living in another state with his birth family, not the best option either. I say these things only because most of us who have put restrictions on our kids in order to have a relationship with them find that it usually doesn’t work. But you do what works best for you, sometimes having to modify things along the way. I think you are right to find a support group such as al anon where you can find other like minded parents who can help see you through this. It is so very hard, and you need folks in your corner who understand, because most parents out there don’t, unless they have been through it and there is a lot of judgment from parents or friends who don’t get it. This forum is a great place for help and advice as well. I’m glad you found us and I hope you’ll continue to read and post. It really helps. And please be sure to make time for yourself in whatever way nourishes your soul. That is so important. Many hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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I called 911 last week re my 20 yo. Looking for support and suggestions going forward
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