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I Can't Do This For Another Year
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 377318" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi ya geek - </p><p> </p><p>First place to start when everything seems such a jumble and insurance won't pay for "needed" service (insert groan)......County Health departments will see ANYONE, with an appointment on a sliding scale fee. OFTEN, not always but often depending on where you live and I'm guessing if Cleveland Clinic is close you are close to Cleveland? (I'm from Ohio, but live in SC) they will be a good place to start for a multitude of referrals. Another place to ask OFTEN, again not always is your childs school guidance counselor. I say often because sometimes these are the people that spend day in and day out with her in a confined and controlled setting. YOU don't. Sorry, but you don't. You have her at home, she's in, out and in and out and despite whatever attempts you think you make at control? You have none. If you did? She wouldn't behave like she is (NOT that it's your fault but our kids do tons better with structure) and there is NO way you can do that in a home setting. That's why a lot of them (our kids) either do good at home and then fall apart in school or do good in school for a while and then loose it and then come home and completely loose it. some believe it or not do horrid at school and then come home and are fine for a while. We never figured out Dude's method - so we just figured he lost it everywhere, and treated him accordingly. </p><p> </p><p>The reason I say mental health is because they would have access to connections to places that most psychiatrists aren't going to know about. County and state agencies that could (sorry to throw this at you too) but "place her outside the home" and take her to a residential treatment place or a psychiatric hospital and observe her behaviors then if necessary recommend diet elimination therapies for you to monitor or medications to trial her on until she's stable. Does she want to behave like this? (shrug) well.....yes and no. Probably the unpopular thought here, but part of me says - Mostly kids do not want to behave badly - no. However, most parents think that you can basket A children and they all will behave like X and you can parent them all like X, and you can feed them all like X, and they will all turn out basically the same. NOT TRUE at ALL. This is stinkin thinkin. Even with children that do not have mental disorders. So then you start playing the blame game. If you're divorced or separated? OMG it's even worse - So the poor kid is stuck in the middle while Mom and Dad try to grow up. And there is A TON of reading on effective communication that needs to be done BY YOU - about YOUR DAUGHTER to CHANGE the way YOU SPEAK TO HER....and it's not bad, it's not wrong - it's PROGRESSIVE, it's learning. It's really something you can apply to everyone you meet. I learned a lot how things I thought were helpful or what I thought was a pat on the back was really a slap to the face. That's the first thing you will learn in family therapy. </p><p> </p><p>If you just want to GO out on your own and find a therapist? Pick up the phone book, ask a pastor at church, Call a hospital referral board, - any of those places can refer - or even call your insurance and ask them for a list of physicians on your list of providers. There are a lot of programs out there for parents and kids like ours that are FREE...you just have to get in the know with people and find out where the organizations are and get on their lists and wait. We waited two years to get on the SC Governors Continuum of Care for Seriously Emotionally Disturbed Children - but once we did? It helped us to know where to go to ask for other help like - RESPIT, foster care, residential treatment, psychiatric hospitals...and we read, read, read, got educated, did research. I can't even tell you on two hands how many times our son was placed outside our home. He was on 65 plus medications, He has been in jail, he has not graduated HS. I mean you keep lowering your expectations - but my bottom line finally became - HE IS ALIVE and so are we. because there were times when I nearly wasn't because of him due to stroke - suspected heart attack, thoughts of suicide...no joke. If you don't get a good support system in place now, if you don't realize that having a <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />ing buddy outside of your family, husband and friends is tantamount to your well being (because you start telling this **** to them? You will run them off in spades promise) and if you don't find a way to separate her behaviors from the child and realize she isn't doing this today because she WANTS to but yesterday she DID do that because she wanted to and was being manipulative, because you USED to parent her like X, but KNOW better now and won't make those mistakes any more because you Went to therapy and KNOW how to say NO, I WILL NOT, YOU WILL BECAUSE.........and start helping her? </p><p>You will fail and she will fail.........and this will get worse, and worse. </p><p> </p><p>if you want to PM me you're welcome to ---------If you want to email me I'll try to help you find resources where you live. Everyone will......it's what we're here for. just don't get overloaded........not hard to do when you want to solve the problems of the world. DO know - this - What is wrong with her ------is NEVER going to go away. It can be managed, it can be helped. There is no pill, no cure, no diet, no therapy - no holy water (I tried) that will fix her. But if you start now? There is hope. We started with Dude when he was 5 years old. Therapy, diets, you name it.......even naked chicken liver dances in the moon light. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 377318, member: 4964"] Hi ya geek - First place to start when everything seems such a jumble and insurance won't pay for "needed" service (insert groan)......County Health departments will see ANYONE, with an appointment on a sliding scale fee. OFTEN, not always but often depending on where you live and I'm guessing if Cleveland Clinic is close you are close to Cleveland? (I'm from Ohio, but live in SC) they will be a good place to start for a multitude of referrals. Another place to ask OFTEN, again not always is your childs school guidance counselor. I say often because sometimes these are the people that spend day in and day out with her in a confined and controlled setting. YOU don't. Sorry, but you don't. You have her at home, she's in, out and in and out and despite whatever attempts you think you make at control? You have none. If you did? She wouldn't behave like she is (NOT that it's your fault but our kids do tons better with structure) and there is NO way you can do that in a home setting. That's why a lot of them (our kids) either do good at home and then fall apart in school or do good in school for a while and then loose it and then come home and completely loose it. some believe it or not do horrid at school and then come home and are fine for a while. We never figured out Dude's method - so we just figured he lost it everywhere, and treated him accordingly. The reason I say mental health is because they would have access to connections to places that most psychiatrists aren't going to know about. County and state agencies that could (sorry to throw this at you too) but "place her outside the home" and take her to a residential treatment place or a psychiatric hospital and observe her behaviors then if necessary recommend diet elimination therapies for you to monitor or medications to trial her on until she's stable. Does she want to behave like this? (shrug) well.....yes and no. Probably the unpopular thought here, but part of me says - Mostly kids do not want to behave badly - no. However, most parents think that you can basket A children and they all will behave like X and you can parent them all like X, and you can feed them all like X, and they will all turn out basically the same. NOT TRUE at ALL. This is stinkin thinkin. Even with children that do not have mental disorders. So then you start playing the blame game. If you're divorced or separated? OMG it's even worse - So the poor kid is stuck in the middle while Mom and Dad try to grow up. And there is A TON of reading on effective communication that needs to be done BY YOU - about YOUR DAUGHTER to CHANGE the way YOU SPEAK TO HER....and it's not bad, it's not wrong - it's PROGRESSIVE, it's learning. It's really something you can apply to everyone you meet. I learned a lot how things I thought were helpful or what I thought was a pat on the back was really a slap to the face. That's the first thing you will learn in family therapy. If you just want to GO out on your own and find a therapist? Pick up the phone book, ask a pastor at church, Call a hospital referral board, - any of those places can refer - or even call your insurance and ask them for a list of physicians on your list of providers. There are a lot of programs out there for parents and kids like ours that are FREE...you just have to get in the know with people and find out where the organizations are and get on their lists and wait. We waited two years to get on the SC Governors Continuum of Care for Seriously Emotionally Disturbed Children - but once we did? It helped us to know where to go to ask for other help like - RESPIT, foster care, residential treatment, psychiatric hospitals...and we read, read, read, got educated, did research. I can't even tell you on two hands how many times our son was placed outside our home. He was on 65 plus medications, He has been in jail, he has not graduated HS. I mean you keep lowering your expectations - but my bottom line finally became - HE IS ALIVE and so are we. because there were times when I nearly wasn't because of him due to stroke - suspected heart attack, thoughts of suicide...no joke. If you don't get a good support system in place now, if you don't realize that having a :censored2:ing buddy outside of your family, husband and friends is tantamount to your well being (because you start telling this **** to them? You will run them off in spades promise) and if you don't find a way to separate her behaviors from the child and realize she isn't doing this today because she WANTS to but yesterday she DID do that because she wanted to and was being manipulative, because you USED to parent her like X, but KNOW better now and won't make those mistakes any more because you Went to therapy and KNOW how to say NO, I WILL NOT, YOU WILL BECAUSE.........and start helping her? You will fail and she will fail.........and this will get worse, and worse. if you want to PM me you're welcome to ---------If you want to email me I'll try to help you find resources where you live. Everyone will......it's what we're here for. just don't get overloaded........not hard to do when you want to solve the problems of the world. DO know - this - What is wrong with her ------is NEVER going to go away. It can be managed, it can be helped. There is no pill, no cure, no diet, no therapy - no holy water (I tried) that will fix her. But if you start now? There is hope. We started with Dude when he was 5 years old. Therapy, diets, you name it.......even naked chicken liver dances in the moon light. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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