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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 692180" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Sorry Lil, I missed your thread I was so self-absorbed.I agree with everybody else, but will add my two cents. The suicide threats are a manipulation until they are not. Any threat can be serious, but that said, even in prison we will call them on it if we know it is instrumental. Because nobody should be allowed to manipulate that way. Your son is an adult. He cannot be allowed to hold you or anybody else hostage. Eventually, everybody, each of us, is responsible for sustaining or not their own life.</p><p></p><p>Sooner or later will come a time where you cannot hold your son up. As much as you love him, he will have to choose to live or to die.</p><p>I agree with Jabber, here. It only postpones the eventual reality that he will have to do something or not. And if he decides, not, the costs will have to accrue to him.</p><p>You are not kicking him out. There was an agreement. He is an adult. He is responsible for himself.</p><p></p><p>The idea that he expects to be paid to mow the lawn is ludicrous to me. Lil, your son still believes that it is your responsibility to sustain him as if he was a child. That is what has to change. You are not doing this to him. He is doing this to himself. </p><p>Even though I think this only kicks the problem down the road, I think this is a good idea. PASA, Lil and Jabber's son, as I recall, has not done anything to show them that he is motivated to change as a way to stay.</p><p>You are talking about J here, Lil. Who cares if J has no one? What are you running, a homeless shelter? Really now. You need two of them, one is not enough? I agree with SWOT that J is homeless because he does not give a <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> to act better and he has worn out his welcome everywhere else.</p><p>This is a power struggle, lil. He wants the power. Why would he pay? Why would he clean? Why would he shower? Why would he work? </p><p></p><p>He will only do those things if he decides. The only thing that will make him decide to do those things, is if he sees it is worth his while to do them. That by not doing them, it costs him something. Right now, he does not feel the need. He is still playing to win, on his terms. He is not giving an inch. He is betting that you will fold, lil. You may this time, but tomorrow is another day.</p><p></p><p>What about Job Corps? The military?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 692180, member: 18958"] Sorry Lil, I missed your thread I was so self-absorbed.I agree with everybody else, but will add my two cents. The suicide threats are a manipulation until they are not. Any threat can be serious, but that said, even in prison we will call them on it if we know it is instrumental. Because nobody should be allowed to manipulate that way. Your son is an adult. He cannot be allowed to hold you or anybody else hostage. Eventually, everybody, each of us, is responsible for sustaining or not their own life. Sooner or later will come a time where you cannot hold your son up. As much as you love him, he will have to choose to live or to die. I agree with Jabber, here. It only postpones the eventual reality that he will have to do something or not. And if he decides, not, the costs will have to accrue to him. You are not kicking him out. There was an agreement. He is an adult. He is responsible for himself. The idea that he expects to be paid to mow the lawn is ludicrous to me. Lil, your son still believes that it is your responsibility to sustain him as if he was a child. That is what has to change. You are not doing this to him. He is doing this to himself. Even though I think this only kicks the problem down the road, I think this is a good idea. PASA, Lil and Jabber's son, as I recall, has not done anything to show them that he is motivated to change as a way to stay. You are talking about J here, Lil. Who cares if J has no one? What are you running, a homeless shelter? Really now. You need two of them, one is not enough? I agree with SWOT that J is homeless because he does not give a :censored2: to act better and he has worn out his welcome everywhere else. This is a power struggle, lil. He wants the power. Why would he pay? Why would he clean? Why would he shower? Why would he work? He will only do those things if he decides. The only thing that will make him decide to do those things, is if he sees it is worth his while to do them. That by not doing them, it costs him something. Right now, he does not feel the need. He is still playing to win, on his terms. He is not giving an inch. He is betting that you will fold, lil. You may this time, but tomorrow is another day. What about Job Corps? The military? [/QUOTE]
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