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I can't do this....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 692723" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You know my son is living with me again. I scarcely know how it happened, but he came back in increments.</p><p></p><p>Let me recall how it happened. He came back because he was thrown out everywhere. He had nowhere to go that he wanted to go. He did not want to be homeless anymore. That he knew. That was the basis of change. Because he knew what he did not want. And it was worth it for him to change in a way that he was no longer homeless. But still he tested.</p><p></p><p>He had showed up at my door at night. I let him in, even though I had told him <em>do not come here.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>He was out within 3 days. I could not stand it. Still he stayed in property we controlled, but away from me. Little by little he learned to conform enough and respond enough to our direction and limit setting. The changing had come from him. </p><p></p><p>So, I guess what I am saying here, is the impetus to remain with us or close to us must come from them, not them. And they must bear the burden and responsibility of changing. Not us. Only then can they come home.</p><p></p><p>That is what I think. These are not "normal" kids until they awaken that piece within them that loves us, and sees us and listens and responds. </p><p></p><p>For some reason in the years in the wilderness, they have forgotten this response to us, and it is this that causes all the havoc. Because without this response activated, they cannot fully awaken to themselves. It is really like they have been hurled back to a kind of infancy where there is a critical period where they need parents to act in such a way to awaken a critical developmental hurdle in them.</p><p></p><p>That is why I do not believe it works, incremental change without being forced out on their own. Because that is when this capacity to again respond to us may wake up.</p><p></p><p>That is what I think. </p><p></p><p>Lil and Jabber's son was away. But I think he is still at the stage my son was at when he came to my door in the night and I let him in. I think Lil and Jabber's son still thinks he can impose his rules, act in such a way as he chooses. He believes he leads, not his parents--in their space. </p><p></p><p>Something has to alert him to the fact that he has got his thinking all confused. That is why I believe that most likely he must confront leaving one more time. Or as many more times as it takes for him to get it: that he does not know what he is doing.</p><p></p><p>In this sense I do not necessarily buy in that Lil and Jabber's son has a severe diagnosis which is impeding him. He may well have but it could also be that he is hard-headed, strong-minded, stubborn and arrogant--and he does not know what he does not know, and lives from his feelings and impulses. </p><p></p><p>He needs to awaken the fact that there are other available options to him, in how to think, act and behave. It may be as simple (and difficult) as that.</p><p></p><p>To sum up, I believe he has to leave. For even a couple of days, until he is jolted into another form of consciousness. And his parents need to regain their power in the household.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 692723, member: 18958"] You know my son is living with me again. I scarcely know how it happened, but he came back in increments. Let me recall how it happened. He came back because he was thrown out everywhere. He had nowhere to go that he wanted to go. He did not want to be homeless anymore. That he knew. That was the basis of change. Because he knew what he did not want. And it was worth it for him to change in a way that he was no longer homeless. But still he tested. He had showed up at my door at night. I let him in, even though I had told him [I]do not come here. [/I] He was out within 3 days. I could not stand it. Still he stayed in property we controlled, but away from me. Little by little he learned to conform enough and respond enough to our direction and limit setting. The changing had come from him. So, I guess what I am saying here, is the impetus to remain with us or close to us must come from them, not them. And they must bear the burden and responsibility of changing. Not us. Only then can they come home. That is what I think. These are not "normal" kids until they awaken that piece within them that loves us, and sees us and listens and responds. For some reason in the years in the wilderness, they have forgotten this response to us, and it is this that causes all the havoc. Because without this response activated, they cannot fully awaken to themselves. It is really like they have been hurled back to a kind of infancy where there is a critical period where they need parents to act in such a way to awaken a critical developmental hurdle in them. That is why I do not believe it works, incremental change without being forced out on their own. Because that is when this capacity to again respond to us may wake up. That is what I think. Lil and Jabber's son was away. But I think he is still at the stage my son was at when he came to my door in the night and I let him in. I think Lil and Jabber's son still thinks he can impose his rules, act in such a way as he chooses. He believes he leads, not his parents--in their space. Something has to alert him to the fact that he has got his thinking all confused. That is why I believe that most likely he must confront leaving one more time. Or as many more times as it takes for him to get it: that he does not know what he is doing. In this sense I do not necessarily buy in that Lil and Jabber's son has a severe diagnosis which is impeding him. He may well have but it could also be that he is hard-headed, strong-minded, stubborn and arrogant--and he does not know what he does not know, and lives from his feelings and impulses. He needs to awaken the fact that there are other available options to him, in how to think, act and behave. It may be as simple (and difficult) as that. To sum up, I believe he has to leave. For even a couple of days, until he is jolted into another form of consciousness. And his parents need to regain their power in the household. [/QUOTE]
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