It may be that doing things for Alex began when they were in situations where there was very little time allotted per family in shelter facilities for bathing,
and if Alex sat there not washing himself Katie stepped in and did it for him - and then it became their pattern. Then she assumed he can't do it - something
like that. Perhaps you can approach the topic with Katie by expressing delight that he has been able to do this and is clearly making great progress. You could
suggest in a positive way that he may be making strides forward in different areas, and then continue expecting him to do age-appropriate things while he's with
you.
Re Kayla, I agree that likely the main reason she's behind in reading and spelling skills is chronic instability and lack of sustained teaching. Reading to her and along
with her will be a huge help to her. I read to all my kids through middle school - by then it was a mutually-enjoyed thing and I chose books that were a bit beyond their
level, but within reach if they tried. They then tended to re-read them, having enjoyed the story. Do carry on with the Little House books! Wonderful for kids. If Kayla
needs glasses that's virtually an emergency at this age. I don't know if any local agency will pick up the tab, or if a place like LensCrafters will have a special program,
but without necessary glasses she'll really have academic difficulty.
It's great that you're providing a stable, disciplined, loving place for them to be. They'll want to return to it. And it does sound like Katie, in sending the instructions with the
kids, is trying hard. I'd give her positive feedback on the concept and be gentle about bringing up your differences in opinion/experience. She needs guidance in parenting and
the books, and your advice, will help her a lot. I'm very glad the weekend has gone well. 
