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I could use some input here.........
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 396153" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hey Hound - </p><p> </p><p>My initial thought was these kids didn't get this messed up over night - not going to get fixed over night. When I read Daisy Faces analogy it was like a light bulb went off and YES - that's what comes to me too. I think K never got to be a child and if you take that roll away from her too quickly she will resent it. So baby steps on that. As far as the fantasy yarns? That's her escape. Life was awful so she created an alternative world where things were nice, and decent and not shelters, and crazy Mom's and her doing the lions share of the work with adult responsibilities - probably a place where either things are very fair or she's in total control would be my guess - but either would seem almost appropriate make-believe to me. Dude did the same when we left x. His dad was WONDERFUL. I mean - the man sold him for crack. The man was not wonderful, but the stories he told others about him were absurd where Daddy Disney was almost Godlike and I was told while fantasy play in some cases is healthy; this is not. So we got Dude into therapy so he could deal with the underlying truth and pain of his life. If we didn't? Those things - later in life set patterns that can (CAN) manifest into undesirable behaviors - you tell a lie so long even you believe it kind of reality. Or you get lost between the truth and lies - you aren't able to tell the truth any more. These are dangerous things. She needs to know the difference now. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know if it translates to children - but I was told that for every ONE year of abuse it takes approximately TWO years of therapy and environment change to make a positive impact in a victims life. When I did the math in my own life? I counted I'd be near 60 - and freaked out. Talked to the shrink about that - and he said it depends on how well you respond to treatment. I was in an abusive situation for over ten years - and spent 15 in therapy - some of which was three times a week plus EMDR thearpy treatment. I still have my moments. But now I have tools - and I'm an adult with adult coping skills. Katie and Alex and E - have very limited coping skills - they need those -PLUS an environment like your home with stability. Stability and love are just part of the equation - not all of it. I wish that it were. therapy was so time consuming and some days for Dude it seemed like such a waste - but at 20 he's saying things that at 14,15,16 - he KNEW but never uttered - and is NOW....even though I swear some days he can't pull it together he's doing so much better - but he's using the tools he learned at 8,9.10 - it's weird how the brain remembers those things that far back. It's even more amazing when he says things like - I don't want to get in MORE trouble. I mean this is DUDE we're talking about. I figured it would be - I don't care - </p><p> </p><p>So - don't forget to keep the journal up - I think that will be INVALUABLE to any p doctor. with these kids. And God love ya for what you are doing. Extra jewels in your crown for sure. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 396153, member: 4964"] Hey Hound - My initial thought was these kids didn't get this messed up over night - not going to get fixed over night. When I read Daisy Faces analogy it was like a light bulb went off and YES - that's what comes to me too. I think K never got to be a child and if you take that roll away from her too quickly she will resent it. So baby steps on that. As far as the fantasy yarns? That's her escape. Life was awful so she created an alternative world where things were nice, and decent and not shelters, and crazy Mom's and her doing the lions share of the work with adult responsibilities - probably a place where either things are very fair or she's in total control would be my guess - but either would seem almost appropriate make-believe to me. Dude did the same when we left x. His dad was WONDERFUL. I mean - the man sold him for crack. The man was not wonderful, but the stories he told others about him were absurd where Daddy Disney was almost Godlike and I was told while fantasy play in some cases is healthy; this is not. So we got Dude into therapy so he could deal with the underlying truth and pain of his life. If we didn't? Those things - later in life set patterns that can (CAN) manifest into undesirable behaviors - you tell a lie so long even you believe it kind of reality. Or you get lost between the truth and lies - you aren't able to tell the truth any more. These are dangerous things. She needs to know the difference now. I don't know if it translates to children - but I was told that for every ONE year of abuse it takes approximately TWO years of therapy and environment change to make a positive impact in a victims life. When I did the math in my own life? I counted I'd be near 60 - and freaked out. Talked to the shrink about that - and he said it depends on how well you respond to treatment. I was in an abusive situation for over ten years - and spent 15 in therapy - some of which was three times a week plus EMDR thearpy treatment. I still have my moments. But now I have tools - and I'm an adult with adult coping skills. Katie and Alex and E - have very limited coping skills - they need those -PLUS an environment like your home with stability. Stability and love are just part of the equation - not all of it. I wish that it were. therapy was so time consuming and some days for Dude it seemed like such a waste - but at 20 he's saying things that at 14,15,16 - he KNEW but never uttered - and is NOW....even though I swear some days he can't pull it together he's doing so much better - but he's using the tools he learned at 8,9.10 - it's weird how the brain remembers those things that far back. It's even more amazing when he says things like - I don't want to get in MORE trouble. I mean this is DUDE we're talking about. I figured it would be - I don't care - So - don't forget to keep the journal up - I think that will be INVALUABLE to any p doctor. with these kids. And God love ya for what you are doing. Extra jewels in your crown for sure. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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