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I DID IT AND IT WORKED!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 117056" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Daralex, you asked, "What happened if the phoone was gone and you had no insurance"</p><p></p><p>If the phone is gone, it's too late now. Any punishment imposed seems too much like you "paying him out" purely out of anger and your own frustration, and this actually teaches them to respond that way too. Not good.</p><p></p><p>But there can still be natural consequences. I can see several:</p><p></p><p>1) Finances will be tight for the family until Mum has bought a new phone. This means fewer luxuries for everybody, more budget meals, etc. No outings that cost money.</p><p></p><p>2) When Mum finally gets the new phone, she will not be lending it to difficult child. This is going to restrict his movements and freedom, but it is not punishment, just natural consequences. He must earn that trust back by learning to be more responsible. "I love you, son, but I can't risk losing another phone, especially not so soon."</p><p></p><p>3) difficult child could speed up this earning back of trust and period of family deprivation, by helping to raise money to buy a replacement phone. But he has to put in a lot of the drive for this himself, he shouldn't be forced into it or he will be learning nothing.</p><p></p><p>When you are looking at consequences, you need to look at how the child will perceive it. If there will be nothing positive learned, then don't waste your time and energy, especially if there can be some very useful natural consequences. If the whole family has been inconvenienced by difficult child's actions, others in the family will put their own pressure on difficult child, so it won't be all coming from you.</p><p></p><p>What you need to change - you need to stop any sense in difficult child that it is you vs him. He needs to come round to realising that you are trying to help him, not be an obstacle. This requires turning years of wrong thinking on its head. You have made a good start.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 117056, member: 1991"] Daralex, you asked, "What happened if the phoone was gone and you had no insurance" If the phone is gone, it's too late now. Any punishment imposed seems too much like you "paying him out" purely out of anger and your own frustration, and this actually teaches them to respond that way too. Not good. But there can still be natural consequences. I can see several: 1) Finances will be tight for the family until Mum has bought a new phone. This means fewer luxuries for everybody, more budget meals, etc. No outings that cost money. 2) When Mum finally gets the new phone, she will not be lending it to difficult child. This is going to restrict his movements and freedom, but it is not punishment, just natural consequences. He must earn that trust back by learning to be more responsible. "I love you, son, but I can't risk losing another phone, especially not so soon." 3) difficult child could speed up this earning back of trust and period of family deprivation, by helping to raise money to buy a replacement phone. But he has to put in a lot of the drive for this himself, he shouldn't be forced into it or he will be learning nothing. When you are looking at consequences, you need to look at how the child will perceive it. If there will be nothing positive learned, then don't waste your time and energy, especially if there can be some very useful natural consequences. If the whole family has been inconvenienced by difficult child's actions, others in the family will put their own pressure on difficult child, so it won't be all coming from you. What you need to change - you need to stop any sense in difficult child that it is you vs him. He needs to come round to realising that you are trying to help him, not be an obstacle. This requires turning years of wrong thinking on its head. You have made a good start. Marg [/QUOTE]
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