This out of control feeling....
That would be very hard for me too, KTMom. My daughter lives with chronic pain since the beating. It came to dominate her life. The pain, and the fear of it.
I am so sorry that is happening to you.

Yes!
The manner of interpreting emotional response and defining our situations through those interpretations will have been determined in childhood ~ with all that implies.
We label the response fear. Someone else may label those same feelings intensely focused anticipation.
You are coming through beautifully, Copa.
Sincerely, proud and happy for you.
Cedar