Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I don’t know how to help.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 722652" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Aloha Lynn,</p><p>I am so sorry for your situation, it is a very hurtful thing to not know which way to turn. To not know how to help. Or, how <em>not to help. To give</em> up so much, for so long.</p><p> I was reluctant to respond to your post because I have such a different scenario, thinking my two did not exhibit the behaviors you write of with your daughter. Kind of feeling I have not experienced the degree, how could I help?</p><p>Then I thought some more about it.</p><p>In reality, there are many similarities I see.</p><p>The difference being that the behaviors <em>were spurred on by drug use. Or were they? </em>It's the chicken or the egg question, which came first?</p><p>I didn't know it at the time, that they were experimenting with such mind altering substances.</p><p>Hubs and I tried and tried and tried to help, and became conditioned to a crisis mode in the sanctity of our home.</p><p>Clearly, our two needed help, looking back, we were in the same predicament you find yourself in now.</p><p>Stuck.</p><p>Stuck between wanting the best for our kids, grandkids, and literally giving over ourselves and the sanctity of our home in desperation for a solution.</p><p>Tough stuff.</p><p>The thing that struck me about your post, <em>is that your daughter surfs. </em></p><p>Surfing is not an easy sport. It takes a certain resilience and sense of self. Not only is one up against the elements, paddling through the white water, out to the lineup, you are up against others out there, positioning yourself for a wave that everyone out there wants to be on.</p><p>This tells me that with the right motivation, your daughter can make it, if she wants to.</p><p>Why would she want to, if she always has you to do things for her? To carry the load?</p><p>My two would switch so easily from sullen, depressed, irritable and downright verbally abusive. Cell phone rings, happy chatter, laughter, etc.</p><p>Put the phone down, same old same old.</p><p><em>Instantaneously</em></p><p>Alakabam!</p><p>Huh.</p><p>As I took my walk this morning, I thought about our situations with our d cs, the Helen Keller movie suddenly popped into my head.........her parents just did not know what to do for their child. Remember the scene where she would walk around the table and just help herself to everyones plate?</p><p>I think our d cs become like this when we pull out all the stops to help them. Raging, entitled, expecting the world to revolve around them because of their "issues".</p><p>I think the one thing you might try to focus on, is that you will not be around forever to save your daughter from whatever ails her.</p><p>Me too. I have to focus on that.</p><p>To stop myself from stepping in.</p><p>Posting here on CD is a great step for you, there is so much experience here. I find that writing helps me to fortify my resolve. To find solutions. There is no one answer for anything, but the folks here sure have some wise advice and understand what we go through.</p><p></p><p>This is from your July post. So your daughter has had almost four months of this living arrangement and it seems that it is status quo, she hasn’t changed.</p><p>No one can say that you didn’t try, and please stop bashing yourself for whatever you do.</p><p>We all have to find our way through this.</p><p>Most of us here came to this point right where you are that we knew enough was enough, but didn’t know how to get out of the awful of it.</p><p>It is not an easy process and there will be some advice that seems doable, other advice, not. We are not experts, just folks at different places on the journey.</p><p>I don’t think anyone can give you a step by step</p><p>solution. Each circumstance is different. What you will find is a place here to vent, find others who get it, find your way back to yourself enough to be able to see some answers.</p><p>You can do this.</p><p> It won’t be an easy fast fix. By slowly building yourself and taking it one step at a time, one day at a time, you will figure it out.</p><p>On this Halloween day, I will leave you with this quote from one of my favorite movies. For you and your daughter</p><p><img src="https://i.pinimg.com/736x/3b/e3/a8/3be3a8f018a2c01e85d3f63ab35a6168--wizard-of-oz-quotes-witch-quotes.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p>Again, welcome, keep posting, it really helps.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 722652, member: 19522"] Aloha Lynn, I am so sorry for your situation, it is a very hurtful thing to not know which way to turn. To not know how to help. Or, how [I]not to help. To give[/I] up so much, for so long. I was reluctant to respond to your post because I have such a different scenario, thinking my two did not exhibit the behaviors you write of with your daughter. Kind of feeling I have not experienced the degree, how could I help? Then I thought some more about it. In reality, there are many similarities I see. The difference being that the behaviors [I]were spurred on by drug use. Or were they? [/I]It's the chicken or the egg question, which came first? I didn't know it at the time, that they were experimenting with such mind altering substances. Hubs and I tried and tried and tried to help, and became conditioned to a crisis mode in the sanctity of our home. Clearly, our two needed help, looking back, we were in the same predicament you find yourself in now. Stuck. Stuck between wanting the best for our kids, grandkids, and literally giving over ourselves and the sanctity of our home in desperation for a solution. Tough stuff. The thing that struck me about your post, [I]is that your daughter surfs. [/I] Surfing is not an easy sport. It takes a certain resilience and sense of self. Not only is one up against the elements, paddling through the white water, out to the lineup, you are up against others out there, positioning yourself for a wave that everyone out there wants to be on. This tells me that with the right motivation, your daughter can make it, if she wants to. Why would she want to, if she always has you to do things for her? To carry the load? My two would switch so easily from sullen, depressed, irritable and downright verbally abusive. Cell phone rings, happy chatter, laughter, etc. Put the phone down, same old same old. [I]Instantaneously[/I] Alakabam! Huh. As I took my walk this morning, I thought about our situations with our d cs, the Helen Keller movie suddenly popped into my head.........her parents just did not know what to do for their child. Remember the scene where she would walk around the table and just help herself to everyones plate? I think our d cs become like this when we pull out all the stops to help them. Raging, entitled, expecting the world to revolve around them because of their "issues". I think the one thing you might try to focus on, is that you will not be around forever to save your daughter from whatever ails her. Me too. I have to focus on that. To stop myself from stepping in. Posting here on CD is a great step for you, there is so much experience here. I find that writing helps me to fortify my resolve. To find solutions. There is no one answer for anything, but the folks here sure have some wise advice and understand what we go through. This is from your July post. So your daughter has had almost four months of this living arrangement and it seems that it is status quo, she hasn’t changed. No one can say that you didn’t try, and please stop bashing yourself for whatever you do. We all have to find our way through this. Most of us here came to this point right where you are that we knew enough was enough, but didn’t know how to get out of the awful of it. It is not an easy process and there will be some advice that seems doable, other advice, not. We are not experts, just folks at different places on the journey. I don’t think anyone can give you a step by step solution. Each circumstance is different. What you will find is a place here to vent, find others who get it, find your way back to yourself enough to be able to see some answers. You can do this. It won’t be an easy fast fix. By slowly building yourself and taking it one step at a time, one day at a time, you will figure it out. On this Halloween day, I will leave you with this quote from one of my favorite movies. For you and your daughter [IMG]https://i.pinimg.com/736x/3b/e3/a8/3be3a8f018a2c01e85d3f63ab35a6168--wizard-of-oz-quotes-witch-quotes.jpg[/IMG] Again, welcome, keep posting, it really helps. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I don’t know how to help.
Top