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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 396154" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>You know - When I was a teenager I thought like a teenager. The things that my parents would throw at me as far as their thoughts seemed so square and stifiling - I thought I would suffocate. No really - Literally did.not.get.them. Squaresville. Then when I got in my 20's and got married, had a child, had my own house and watched my son grow I remember the first time he did something and the words came out of my mouth that I still to this day remember - They were "MY PARENTS WORDS!" (insert shudder) Oh MY! I mean there was my son - running around at about 18 months old with a fork in his hand, and I had stepped into the kitchen for just a split second - SPLIT second and there he was headed for the living room outlets and I yelled "DUDE NO! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?" Well of COURSE he wasn't TRYING to kill himself - he was 18 months old, he had a fork, he had NO CLUE about electricity in the walls of the house. He just knew the pointy thing may fit in the hole thing and was headed to try it out. How did I know it would kill him? I was 25 years old - I'd lived a life - I went to school, I'd been around - I knew what electricity and a fork would cause and that's why DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF came out of my mouth. </p><p> </p><p>So as he got older I just naturally assumed (and I hate that word) that he would gain the worldy knowledge handed to him by us; his parents, and his schools' drug program, and his peers, and everyone else in the world telling him - Do good in school, stay away from trouble, drugs, and booze - (although I consider booze a drug) and - did he take the advice of ANYONE? No......Did he hear me yelling "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF? ME?" No. Wouldn't you think (pounds head with finger) that at 18,19,20 years of age SOMETHING sunk into that brain of his? SOMETHING - ANYTHING - ? And then I sat there and thought - WHAT sunk into MY brain at 18, 19 - 20....????? Was it that my parents advice was wonderful, all knowing and I should do what they tell me? nooooooooooooooooo I was an idiot. Yes - I know hard to believe - but I thought back to the age of your Daughter Pats girl and it's like - Someone has encased her brain in cement and not even Xray vision can see through it.....and almost any and everything you say ? LAME, and STIFILING, SUFFOCATING - and you could NOT be MORE wrong about a single thing at this point in her life according to her - if you tried. However - it's your job to point out these ridiculous things (although the more you point from my experience with Dude? The less i accomplished) Find yourself a book on effective communication - it's worked wonders with my relationship with Dude and my ability to relate to him and how to talk to him so he listens to me - really. </p><p> </p><p>But trying to understand it? (makes awful exhale noise) - Oh what a complete, and utter waste of MY time. I didn't understand MYSELF at that age - HOW in the world would I begin to understand my son's inability to make good decisions - and I had NO disorders, no addictions. </p><p> </p><p>Now would I think at 40...........ish (hehe) that a nice warm bed vs. a roach motel and a bunch of struggling kurmudgeons all having ramen noodle cup of soup would be better? You KNOW I would. Would I get why a teenager would think the Ramen Noodles would be better? yup. It's hip. the struggle - the life - the freedom. The choice is mine....I'm a freedom seeking ididot on a mission for ramen noodles and bedbugs or lice - YUP----it's a goal to be sure. Have I the ability to sleep in a warehouse and share a BK whopper with 3 people because we panhandled for change playing a bad guitar we got selling plasma? Sure - do I want to? No. But OH what a great story that will be to make her humble someday</p><p> </p><p>So while you may not understand? Just try to think of it as your daughters time to find uses for raid, chigger out - Xrid.....and allow her to embrace her stupidity. Todays bad mistakes can sometimes SOMETIMES make her a better and more humble person later and THAT is something you can tell her and just support her in an effort to find a drug free lifestyle and always let her know even if she's not allowed back while she's doing drugs - you DO love her, and will be there for her WHEN (never IF always WHEN) she chooses to get clean. Other than that? Don't try to understand her - Just love her, and pray for her - and let her know that. </p><p> </p><p>in the mean time? Know that you have friends that understand your pain, love you - and pray for you (and her) - </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 396154, member: 4964"] You know - When I was a teenager I thought like a teenager. The things that my parents would throw at me as far as their thoughts seemed so square and stifiling - I thought I would suffocate. No really - Literally did.not.get.them. Squaresville. Then when I got in my 20's and got married, had a child, had my own house and watched my son grow I remember the first time he did something and the words came out of my mouth that I still to this day remember - They were "MY PARENTS WORDS!" (insert shudder) Oh MY! I mean there was my son - running around at about 18 months old with a fork in his hand, and I had stepped into the kitchen for just a split second - SPLIT second and there he was headed for the living room outlets and I yelled "DUDE NO! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?" Well of COURSE he wasn't TRYING to kill himself - he was 18 months old, he had a fork, he had NO CLUE about electricity in the walls of the house. He just knew the pointy thing may fit in the hole thing and was headed to try it out. How did I know it would kill him? I was 25 years old - I'd lived a life - I went to school, I'd been around - I knew what electricity and a fork would cause and that's why DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF came out of my mouth. So as he got older I just naturally assumed (and I hate that word) that he would gain the worldy knowledge handed to him by us; his parents, and his schools' drug program, and his peers, and everyone else in the world telling him - Do good in school, stay away from trouble, drugs, and booze - (although I consider booze a drug) and - did he take the advice of ANYONE? No......Did he hear me yelling "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF? ME?" No. Wouldn't you think (pounds head with finger) that at 18,19,20 years of age SOMETHING sunk into that brain of his? SOMETHING - ANYTHING - ? And then I sat there and thought - WHAT sunk into MY brain at 18, 19 - 20....????? Was it that my parents advice was wonderful, all knowing and I should do what they tell me? nooooooooooooooooo I was an idiot. Yes - I know hard to believe - but I thought back to the age of your Daughter Pats girl and it's like - Someone has encased her brain in cement and not even Xray vision can see through it.....and almost any and everything you say ? LAME, and STIFILING, SUFFOCATING - and you could NOT be MORE wrong about a single thing at this point in her life according to her - if you tried. However - it's your job to point out these ridiculous things (although the more you point from my experience with Dude? The less i accomplished) Find yourself a book on effective communication - it's worked wonders with my relationship with Dude and my ability to relate to him and how to talk to him so he listens to me - really. But trying to understand it? (makes awful exhale noise) - Oh what a complete, and utter waste of MY time. I didn't understand MYSELF at that age - HOW in the world would I begin to understand my son's inability to make good decisions - and I had NO disorders, no addictions. Now would I think at 40...........ish (hehe) that a nice warm bed vs. a roach motel and a bunch of struggling kurmudgeons all having ramen noodle cup of soup would be better? You KNOW I would. Would I get why a teenager would think the Ramen Noodles would be better? yup. It's hip. the struggle - the life - the freedom. The choice is mine....I'm a freedom seeking ididot on a mission for ramen noodles and bedbugs or lice - YUP----it's a goal to be sure. Have I the ability to sleep in a warehouse and share a BK whopper with 3 people because we panhandled for change playing a bad guitar we got selling plasma? Sure - do I want to? No. But OH what a great story that will be to make her humble someday So while you may not understand? Just try to think of it as your daughters time to find uses for raid, chigger out - Xrid.....and allow her to embrace her stupidity. Todays bad mistakes can sometimes SOMETIMES make her a better and more humble person later and THAT is something you can tell her and just support her in an effort to find a drug free lifestyle and always let her know even if she's not allowed back while she's doing drugs - you DO love her, and will be there for her WHEN (never IF always WHEN) she chooses to get clean. Other than that? Don't try to understand her - Just love her, and pray for her - and let her know that. in the mean time? Know that you have friends that understand your pain, love you - and pray for you (and her) - Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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