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Poor boy is having a lot of growing pains.  It doesn't excuse his behavior, but from what you have written, that's the way it sounds to me.  He's trying to find his independence, trying to find himself, has caused a lot of grief for himself and his parents from his poor choices, and now he feels unwanted and unloved and probably feels shame and guilt because he's disappointed his parents. I see a lot of this in my own son. Some kids slide through puberty easily...others not so much.


My approach has been to let my son know that I love him, but I will not tolerate any abuse or anger from him.  As soon as he acts this way to me, I ask him to leave for a while.  If he doesn't leave, I do.  I try not to lose my temper with him, but I'm not always successful.  I think my anger only fuels my son's.  We have a good relationship, but it has been stormy.  My son is a late bloomer and didn't start really asserting himself until he turned 18.  The last two years have been a challenge, but we're starting to see better changes in him, and a lot of that, I think, is from firm boundaries, letting him know daily how much we love him and supporting him in all the positive steps he takes.


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