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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 312134" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Mary</p><p> </p><p>All I can tell you is that I used to be Miss KT as far as my Mom's 3rd and 4th husbands were concerned.</p><p> </p><p>With the 3rd husband.......he wasn't a bad guy, and he did his utter best to get me to like him, and he attempted to fill the father role. I was downright vicious at times. Can't exactly say why.......rebellion on one level I know for certain. But I also knew from the get go that relationship was doomed from the start........so I guess I was also preventing myself from getting close to someone I knew wasn't going to be in the picture long. And he wasn't. Thanks to some of my difficult child behaviors....Mom divorced him after only 2 yrs.</p><p> </p><p>Husband number 4 was a real ahole. I actiively spent a couple of years trying to scare the man away. lol But he never did the I Need You To Like Me thing. And eventually, despite the fact he could be such a major ahole.....I grew to find things about him I did like. For one, he adored my kids.</p><p> </p><p>I've since found husband number 3 on classmates and apologized to him. The guy had really tried to be a dad to me, protect me, watch over me, guide me, many a time he stood up for me with Mom who always went too far........And I treated him like crappola in return. So in my apology, I thanked him for what he did do.</p><p> </p><p>That said, I loved and adored my Mom's 2nd husband.......but he's also the man who raised me even after they divorced when I was 6-7 yrs old.</p><p> </p><p>I have a feeling some of difficult child's reaction to hubby is just plain outright rebellion. At this stage in the game she doesn't want yet another adult telling her what to do. So she's jumping the gun and lashing out first. Then you've got all that hurt bottled up from biodad falling short of the mark..........and I'm sure that's making it worse.</p><p> </p><p>Mom was married to # 3 for only 2 yrs. She was married to #4 for 20. #4 lasted that long because we were all out of the house by then....and she ignored our opinions and comments. The relationship was just between them. And each of us grew to like him to one extent or the other. Not saying the man was great..........but we eventually found things to like about him.</p><p> </p><p>Especially as we each matured and delt with our own "stuff", bagage we carried into the relationship.</p><p> </p><p>So I have a feeling difficult child is being both rebellious, and somewhat jealous that husband is all the man her father isn't.......yet to accept husband.....means (to her) to toss her dad aside.........and she's just not ready to do that. As she matures, she'll realize she doesn't have to toss dad aside to enjoy a relationship with your husband.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 312134, member: 84"] Mary All I can tell you is that I used to be Miss KT as far as my Mom's 3rd and 4th husbands were concerned. With the 3rd husband.......he wasn't a bad guy, and he did his utter best to get me to like him, and he attempted to fill the father role. I was downright vicious at times. Can't exactly say why.......rebellion on one level I know for certain. But I also knew from the get go that relationship was doomed from the start........so I guess I was also preventing myself from getting close to someone I knew wasn't going to be in the picture long. And he wasn't. Thanks to some of my difficult child behaviors....Mom divorced him after only 2 yrs. Husband number 4 was a real ahole. I actiively spent a couple of years trying to scare the man away. lol But he never did the I Need You To Like Me thing. And eventually, despite the fact he could be such a major ahole.....I grew to find things about him I did like. For one, he adored my kids. I've since found husband number 3 on classmates and apologized to him. The guy had really tried to be a dad to me, protect me, watch over me, guide me, many a time he stood up for me with Mom who always went too far........And I treated him like crappola in return. So in my apology, I thanked him for what he did do. That said, I loved and adored my Mom's 2nd husband.......but he's also the man who raised me even after they divorced when I was 6-7 yrs old. I have a feeling some of difficult child's reaction to hubby is just plain outright rebellion. At this stage in the game she doesn't want yet another adult telling her what to do. So she's jumping the gun and lashing out first. Then you've got all that hurt bottled up from biodad falling short of the mark..........and I'm sure that's making it worse. Mom was married to # 3 for only 2 yrs. She was married to #4 for 20. #4 lasted that long because we were all out of the house by then....and she ignored our opinions and comments. The relationship was just between them. And each of us grew to like him to one extent or the other. Not saying the man was great..........but we eventually found things to like about him. Especially as we each matured and delt with our own "stuff", bagage we carried into the relationship. So I have a feeling difficult child is being both rebellious, and somewhat jealous that husband is all the man her father isn't.......yet to accept husband.....means (to her) to toss her dad aside.........and she's just not ready to do that. As she matures, she'll realize she doesn't have to toss dad aside to enjoy a relationship with your husband. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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