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I don't know what to say when I see him
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 612841" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome to PE! Glad you got your bio all straightened out too.</p><p></p><p>I know exactly how you feel, I still have trouble knowing how to relate to my daughter, it is uncomfortable at times, we live in different universes. Those feelings of anger and sadness I think are very common here, we are so conflicted and feel so much and they all come running at us at the same time, it is a difficult set of feelings to wade through. I feel that agitation as well at times. </p><p></p><p>It takes time to change our perception of our adult kids into what the reality is versus our hopes and dreams for them as well as our own perception of what is safe, normal and okay. And, whenever there is a mental disorder present, we have to learn how NOT to apply the 'usual, average and normal' to our kids who live in unusual, not average and abnormal lives, the disparities are immense and when you add our parental fears for them and that we have no control...........you are sure to feel agitation.</p><p></p><p>We can't change this situation so what we must to is detach from it and learn how to accept it. That is for OUR peace of mind. My brother is schizophrenic and lived on the streets of L.A. for many,many years. Street people have an entire culture we know nothing about. At one point I had him staying with me and he thought the town I lived in was "boring" and he yearned to get back to the streets. I had no context to hold that in. My other brother and I got him a room in one of those flea bag hotels, which he continues to live in to this day, in L.A. We got him on SSI and he lives on that.</p><p></p><p>I understand all of your feelings, quite a few of my family have mental disorders so I've lived in this world my whole life..............it can make YOU feel crazy. But, really, it's all about learning to be okay inside yourself even though your son is a street person. He is likely way more comfortable within himself with his choices, then you are.</p><p></p><p>How to handle the run ins? Tell him the truth. Tell him you are uncomfortable, you don't know how to be with him and you just want to judge his lifestyle because it's scary to you. I've found that just the act of telling the truth eases all of the angst, even though it's weird to say it. </p><p></p><p>And, if you want to cry, cry, this is a strange and sad experience, crying is a normal response. And, it also can give you some relief and release as well. </p><p></p><p>Go do something kind for yourself now. Go have a manicure or take a lovely long walk. Anything to shift that energy around. Wishing you peace..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 612841, member: 13542"] Welcome to PE! Glad you got your bio all straightened out too. I know exactly how you feel, I still have trouble knowing how to relate to my daughter, it is uncomfortable at times, we live in different universes. Those feelings of anger and sadness I think are very common here, we are so conflicted and feel so much and they all come running at us at the same time, it is a difficult set of feelings to wade through. I feel that agitation as well at times. It takes time to change our perception of our adult kids into what the reality is versus our hopes and dreams for them as well as our own perception of what is safe, normal and okay. And, whenever there is a mental disorder present, we have to learn how NOT to apply the 'usual, average and normal' to our kids who live in unusual, not average and abnormal lives, the disparities are immense and when you add our parental fears for them and that we have no control...........you are sure to feel agitation. We can't change this situation so what we must to is detach from it and learn how to accept it. That is for OUR peace of mind. My brother is schizophrenic and lived on the streets of L.A. for many,many years. Street people have an entire culture we know nothing about. At one point I had him staying with me and he thought the town I lived in was "boring" and he yearned to get back to the streets. I had no context to hold that in. My other brother and I got him a room in one of those flea bag hotels, which he continues to live in to this day, in L.A. We got him on SSI and he lives on that. I understand all of your feelings, quite a few of my family have mental disorders so I've lived in this world my whole life..............it can make YOU feel crazy. But, really, it's all about learning to be okay inside yourself even though your son is a street person. He is likely way more comfortable within himself with his choices, then you are. How to handle the run ins? Tell him the truth. Tell him you are uncomfortable, you don't know how to be with him and you just want to judge his lifestyle because it's scary to you. I've found that just the act of telling the truth eases all of the angst, even though it's weird to say it. And, if you want to cry, cry, this is a strange and sad experience, crying is a normal response. And, it also can give you some relief and release as well. Go do something kind for yourself now. Go have a manicure or take a lovely long walk. Anything to shift that energy around. Wishing you peace.......... [/QUOTE]
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