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Parent Emeritus
I don't know what to say when I see him
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 612918"><p>I am also sorry you are experiencing this. I know it hurts. Lisa and everyone else too had some really wise words for you.</p><p></p><p>That awkward feeling with the man who was once your beloved child is so painful. I think that's what bothered me the most when my relationship w difficult child broke down. I just wanted to scoop him up and hold him close and get thru to him but that was not an option for many reasons- the biggest being that it would have driven him further away.I couldn't fathom that it wasn't an option. I couldn't fathom that he was choosing a squalid apartment over our comfortable warm home. I was so angry and HURT that he was assigning family roles and importance all these people I didn't know or like. </p><p></p><p>I had had to keep reminding myself that the awkward small talk was something and that it had to be enough for now. I had to stop myself (usually unsuccessfully) from getting too far ahead and/or over analyzing every word. Seeing him randomly or the occasional phone all had to be enough, I had to will myself to realize that simply knowing he was breathing and that we had even that limited moment of communication was still a foot in the door and it meant that our relationship was not irretrievably gone. </p><p></p><p>So let it been enough for now. Keep it short but true and try to leave him with warm words -- more for yourself than for him. It won't always feel so sharp - you will get used to the awkwardness. {hugs}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 612918"] I am also sorry you are experiencing this. I know it hurts. Lisa and everyone else too had some really wise words for you. That awkward feeling with the man who was once your beloved child is so painful. I think that's what bothered me the most when my relationship w difficult child broke down. I just wanted to scoop him up and hold him close and get thru to him but that was not an option for many reasons- the biggest being that it would have driven him further away.I couldn't fathom that it wasn't an option. I couldn't fathom that he was choosing a squalid apartment over our comfortable warm home. I was so angry and HURT that he was assigning family roles and importance all these people I didn't know or like. I had had to keep reminding myself that the awkward small talk was something and that it had to be enough for now. I had to stop myself (usually unsuccessfully) from getting too far ahead and/or over analyzing every word. Seeing him randomly or the occasional phone all had to be enough, I had to will myself to realize that simply knowing he was breathing and that we had even that limited moment of communication was still a foot in the door and it meant that our relationship was not irretrievably gone. So let it been enough for now. Keep it short but true and try to leave him with warm words -- more for yourself than for him. It won't always feel so sharp - you will get used to the awkwardness. {hugs} [/QUOTE]
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I don't know what to say when I see him
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