Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I don't think he's a bully!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 555119" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I hope the school investigated and got all sides of the story. Did they even care why he pushed another kid? Maybe the other kid was taunting him. I am not saying that would excuse him but too many victims are punished without the same justice going to the real bully.</p><p></p><p>my difficult child had anger and impulse issues during his year of darkness. He had missed two months of school interactions with classmates. By the time he was back on track, the bonds of friendship were made for the year and it didn't feel like he would ever be included. It was a very small school so it did effect everyone. He became angry over being left out. Just like your son, it was really not in my son's nature to lash out but he felt cornered as it didn't take much meanness from other kids (those silent, under the table behaviors the teachers don't see or hear) to make him react. He was 12 years old at the time. It would have been so easy for everyone in authority to label him as a trouble maker and accept when his peers set him up as the scape goat. I truly believe that is how most of our troubled kids are treated thus creating the large ugly circle of bad behaviors on everyone's part. We were blessed with school staff who knew difficult child before his plunge into anxiety. They believed in his ability and willingness to learn to control his impulses. I picked him up after school and left for home in tears almost every day hearing what he had done that day. The teacher didn't like to tell me but the other staff told her I needed to know and they were right. </p><p></p><p>The teacher came up with a behavioral chart and reviewed it with difficult child every day after school. It was a list of things like be helpful, focus on the lesson, etc. difficult child would score himself and work with the teacher to consider how things could have gone better. He can not change others behaviors but he could work on his. He had the heart to want to be a good person and worked hard to that end.</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child is too young for the school to come down on him harshly. All he is hearing is "Don't!" I think they need to start being more supportive and show/tell in a compassionate way what he should say or do. They need to spend time with him reviewing his view point on the situation. </p><p></p><p>I like JJJ's suggestions. Look for creative ways to reach him. He needs to feel that his teachers believe in him and can see the good hearted kid he wants to be. They need to talk to him about each situation. These should be learning experiences not just punishments with no hope for the future. It is ok if he does get disciplined (missing out in recess because he pushed someone) but he needs to feel that his rights are being respected also. If some one is taunting him, he needs to know that pushing is not the answer and a plan for the next time be put into place.</p><p></p><p>We did not need an IEP or a 504 because the staff in our small school was excellent. They respected and asked for my input on how to handle difficult child, the were very patient, kind and fair with him. I really count them as the blessing it took to bring my difficult child through that. It was a positive village which all members worked together to bring out the best in difficult child and it worked! No one who would meet him today would ever imagine what he went through. We figured out what worked for him and everyone stayed the course on the same page.</p><p></p><p>Like JJJ stated, lonely kids with impulse control issues can easily fall into the path of being a bully. You can intervene to keep that from happening. Ask him every night how his day went. Try to show him the positive things that happen through kindness and focusing on learning. "That studying last night paid off with a good grade!" "That was nice of you to spend time at recess with the other kid who feels left out!" The better he feels about himself in a good way, the less likely he will turn to negative behaviors.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 555119, member: 5096"] I hope the school investigated and got all sides of the story. Did they even care why he pushed another kid? Maybe the other kid was taunting him. I am not saying that would excuse him but too many victims are punished without the same justice going to the real bully. my difficult child had anger and impulse issues during his year of darkness. He had missed two months of school interactions with classmates. By the time he was back on track, the bonds of friendship were made for the year and it didn't feel like he would ever be included. It was a very small school so it did effect everyone. He became angry over being left out. Just like your son, it was really not in my son's nature to lash out but he felt cornered as it didn't take much meanness from other kids (those silent, under the table behaviors the teachers don't see or hear) to make him react. He was 12 years old at the time. It would have been so easy for everyone in authority to label him as a trouble maker and accept when his peers set him up as the scape goat. I truly believe that is how most of our troubled kids are treated thus creating the large ugly circle of bad behaviors on everyone's part. We were blessed with school staff who knew difficult child before his plunge into anxiety. They believed in his ability and willingness to learn to control his impulses. I picked him up after school and left for home in tears almost every day hearing what he had done that day. The teacher didn't like to tell me but the other staff told her I needed to know and they were right. The teacher came up with a behavioral chart and reviewed it with difficult child every day after school. It was a list of things like be helpful, focus on the lesson, etc. difficult child would score himself and work with the teacher to consider how things could have gone better. He can not change others behaviors but he could work on his. He had the heart to want to be a good person and worked hard to that end. Your difficult child is too young for the school to come down on him harshly. All he is hearing is "Don't!" I think they need to start being more supportive and show/tell in a compassionate way what he should say or do. They need to spend time with him reviewing his view point on the situation. I like JJJ's suggestions. Look for creative ways to reach him. He needs to feel that his teachers believe in him and can see the good hearted kid he wants to be. They need to talk to him about each situation. These should be learning experiences not just punishments with no hope for the future. It is ok if he does get disciplined (missing out in recess because he pushed someone) but he needs to feel that his rights are being respected also. If some one is taunting him, he needs to know that pushing is not the answer and a plan for the next time be put into place. We did not need an IEP or a 504 because the staff in our small school was excellent. They respected and asked for my input on how to handle difficult child, the were very patient, kind and fair with him. I really count them as the blessing it took to bring my difficult child through that. It was a positive village which all members worked together to bring out the best in difficult child and it worked! No one who would meet him today would ever imagine what he went through. We figured out what worked for him and everyone stayed the course on the same page. Like JJJ stated, lonely kids with impulse control issues can easily fall into the path of being a bully. You can intervene to keep that from happening. Ask him every night how his day went. Try to show him the positive things that happen through kindness and focusing on learning. "That studying last night paid off with a good grade!" "That was nice of you to spend time at recess with the other kid who feels left out!" The better he feels about himself in a good way, the less likely he will turn to negative behaviors. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I don't think he's a bully!
Top