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I don't think I can hold on.
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<blockquote data-quote="specialk030" data-source="post: 33027" data-attributes="member: 3077"><p>Wow thank you all so much for your support. Busywend.. you made me cry lol.. ah it's okay doesn't take much anymore to make tears appear outta nowhere. While reading your comments, I was overwhelmed by how much you understood. Especially when you said about him not wanting to hurt us, that is sooooo true. In every way imaginable difficult child#1 is my bestest friend in the entire world, perhaps thats what hurts the most. </p><p></p><p>He has not been on any medications for almost 1 year now, as we haven't been able to get him properly assessed. For the most part I blame myself, over the past 3 years I have slowly burned out my house is falling apart.. no.. actually let me correct myself.. it's fallen apart, I suffer from major depression myself and this Christmas I actually thought about suicide. I am on medication for it, but I find especially in the winter here when one day its beautiful warm and sunny, and the next day we are covered in snow and it's -15 my moods are shifting so drastically I dont know from one day to the next what mood I'll be in. Needless to say my home lacks any form of structure, something I know is desperatly needed by all the kids especially the difficult child's. I know this sounds like a cop out, but no matter how hard I try to get things in order I give up... I get overwhelmed and just put everything off. </p><p></p><p>As if all this wasn't enough, my other difficult child (the 8 yr old) is being admitted into children's hospital for 6 weeks on April 10th. She is actually getting the help that difficult child was not exposed to, and she will be getting the proper assesments. So between running from one appointment at childrens hospital for her, then racing to court for the other, along with dealing with the constant phone calls from lawyers, docs, social workers, specialists, etc I find I'm just white knuckling it so-to-speak.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="specialk030, post: 33027, member: 3077"] Wow thank you all so much for your support. Busywend.. you made me cry lol.. ah it's okay doesn't take much anymore to make tears appear outta nowhere. While reading your comments, I was overwhelmed by how much you understood. Especially when you said about him not wanting to hurt us, that is sooooo true. In every way imaginable difficult child#1 is my bestest friend in the entire world, perhaps thats what hurts the most. He has not been on any medications for almost 1 year now, as we haven't been able to get him properly assessed. For the most part I blame myself, over the past 3 years I have slowly burned out my house is falling apart.. no.. actually let me correct myself.. it's fallen apart, I suffer from major depression myself and this Christmas I actually thought about suicide. I am on medication for it, but I find especially in the winter here when one day its beautiful warm and sunny, and the next day we are covered in snow and it's -15 my moods are shifting so drastically I dont know from one day to the next what mood I'll be in. Needless to say my home lacks any form of structure, something I know is desperatly needed by all the kids especially the difficult child's. I know this sounds like a cop out, but no matter how hard I try to get things in order I give up... I get overwhelmed and just put everything off. As if all this wasn't enough, my other difficult child (the 8 yr old) is being admitted into children's hospital for 6 weeks on April 10th. She is actually getting the help that difficult child was not exposed to, and she will be getting the proper assesments. So between running from one appointment at childrens hospital for her, then racing to court for the other, along with dealing with the constant phone calls from lawyers, docs, social workers, specialists, etc I find I'm just white knuckling it so-to-speak. [/QUOTE]
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